Fatal Attractions

I can still remember how shy and nervous I felt the first day I had met the Winchesters. I remember hiding behind my father's legs as he talked with John Winchester. My father was a strong man. He never relied on anyone else to help him. If there was a problem in his way, he'd handle it. He never took no for an answer.

I used to look up to my dad as a child; he was the only one I ever had. My mom had died in a fire when I was a baby. I always thought it was just an accident, at least I used to think that. Now I know the truth. I knew what had really happened.

When I was a child, I used to wonder why we always had to travel. I would always be stuck in a motel room alone, while my dad was out working. He would always say that his job made him move around a lot. If I would ask what his job was, he'd change the subject. After he met John, I started staying with Dean and Sam.

Ah, Dean and Sam.

My childhood memories with them had always been my favorite. They were in the past. Before we grew up and our relationship had become twisted. It took us awhile to actually start liking each other when we had first met, though.

When I had first met Dean, his face held two emotions. Pity and hate. For the longest time, I never understood how a boy I had just met could hate me so much. Dean wouldn't even speak to me unless his dad made him. I honestly don't remember when our relationship had changed into the one it was now. Maybe it was after I had met Azazel for the first time. After my father had died. When John had taken his obsession too far.

Sam had taken to me right away. The first night I stayed with the boys, Sam had tried to be my friend. He gave me candies, let me play his games, gave me his turn on the TV, and almost anything else he could try. I was too shy and scared to even attempt to be nice back. But Sam never gave up. I think he was just so desperate to have someone else besides Dean to talk to.

For two and a half years, my dad and I traveled with the Winchester's. I grew closer to Sam and Dean continued to hate me. Sam was mean to me too sometimes. Now when I think back on it, I think they were jealous.

After their mom had been killed, their dad turned into a complete control freak and a drill sergeant. He had forgot how to be a dad. Mine didn't. After my mom died, my dad stayed the same. Every night he'd come back from working, he would pick me up and tell me how much he loved me. My father never forgot to tuck me in or kiss me goodnight.

I miss that sometimes. I miss the warmth of my father's touch and love. After he died, I felt like I was cold all the time. No matter how much I would be covered, I would still be freezing. I remember telling Dean that it was like my dad had taken all my warmth with him.

I had changed after my dad died. I wasn't shy or timid anymore. I wasn't scared. I felt like I had grown stronger and braver. I had to. Without my dad around, there wasn't anyone who could control John. Sam would try to help, but John would only shut him down. I had to be strong to keep myself from going crazy. John used me countless times before he finally snapped. Before Dean and Sam had both made him stop.

For 12 long, endless years, I put up with John. I dealt with demons and things that weren't supposed to exist. And I was caught between Sam and Dean. I loved them both. As a friend, as brothers, and as lovers. They were my whole world. When I had finally grew the courage to leave, saying good bye was the hardest thing I had ever done.

And now, four years later, guess where my dumb ass is? Back with the Winchester. I sighed as I shook my head. Sometimes I felt like the Winchester's were like cocaine. Once you get that first hit, you can't ever get enough. My biggest mistake was the night I slept with Sam. After that, I knew I was screwed.

Now I was in another motel room while the boys were out on another case. I was still fuming from the argument we had all earlier. I was pissed that the boy's were following John's orders. They had completely stopped looking for him. I had tried to stop the boys from leaving. I wanted to continue looking for John. Masen was still Azazel's prisoner and the boys didn't seem to care.

I had been so upset when they had just walked out on me. Dean, being the asshole he was known as, had to open his mouth and say something stupid about Masen. That had pushed me over the top. I ended up cussing and screaming and I even threw a vase at Dean. That had been almost 4 hours ago.

Every time we touch we get closer to heaven
And at every sunrise our sins are forgiven
Uh.uh
You on my skin this must be the end
The only way you can love me is to hurt me again
And again.
And--

I growled as Sam ringtone continued to play. I grabbed my phone and flipped it open.

"What the hell do you want?" I snapped, still pissed from earlier.

"Ellie.." Sam mumbled, sounding horrible.

I sat up and felt dread bubble into my stomach. Sam and Dean never called me Ellie. Not unless something was wrong.

"What's wrong, Sam?"

The line was quiet for awhile. "It's Dean."

"What about him? Is he okay? Sam, what happened?" I asked, feeling guilt and worry flood within me.

"He's going to die."

I felt my insides grow cold as the world opened up and swallowed me whole.

*+*+*+*+*+*

Hours had passed since I had received Sam's phone call. At first, I hadn't believed Sam. I thought he was just playing with me. I had gotten so upset at him. But this was real. Sam wouldn't play games like that. Not when it came to Dean.

Dean had wanted to talk to me, but I hung up before Sam gave Dean the phone. If Dean was really going to die, talking to him would only make me lose it faster. I was hurting, sad, and upset with Dean as it was. I knew he was reckless and careless. I knew that what they hunted was dangerous, but I never knew how dumb Dean could be.

Of all the evil, vile, murderous things that could have killed him, it was Dean himself who put himself in the hospital. The dumb ass had been standing in a puddle of water when he shot the monster he was hunting with a tazer gun. He had electrocuted himself! I didn't know whether I should laugh at his stupidity or cry.

Sam had been going insane trying to find a way to save his brother. I had spent the last couple of hours praying my brains out. Dean would need a miracle to get out of this mess.

My phone started ringing again and I quickly snapped it open.

"Hello? Sam, did you find anything? Is he going to be okay?" I asked, in a hurried, panicked tone.

"I'm fine, Ellz. So I only have a few days. We knew I was going to go sooner or later." Dean's cocky voice met my ears.

I felt my mouth run dry. I had to double check my phone to make sure it was Sam's ringtone I had heard. "Why do you have Sam's phone?"

"Because you won't answer my phone calls. Ellz, we need to talk. Don't run from me."

"I don't want to talk about this!" I felt the tears brimming my eyes.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want you to die, you idiot!!" I shouted, snapping my phone shut.

I threw my phone against the sofa and slammed myself on the bed. I began to cry hard. It would be too much to lose Dean. I glared at the ceiling, trying to find any signs of God listening to me.

I knew he was there. He had to be. I wouldn't let Dean die. He couldn't have him.

"God, I know you can hear me. Why are you doing this to us?" I asked, feeling like I had gone mad.

No answer.

"Okay so Dean's bossy and arrogant. He's a flirt with a bad temper. He doesn't listen. He eats a lot and he listens to his music way too loud. I know all that, but he's mine. You can't take him from me. You can't. Please, God, don't take him. Please. Just send us a miracle." I sobbed.

Still no answer.

I didn't know what I was expecting. Maybe I wanted God himself to come down and tell me we were going to be okay. That he would let Dean live. Maybe I was expecting him to send me my dad. Or maybe I was just going crazy. Whatever the case, I knew it wasn't going to help Dean.

I shook my head as the tears continued to fall.

"Maybe there isn't a God." I muttered.

I curled into a ball as I cried into my pillow. My body jerked in surprise as a new voice filled my ears.

"Why would you say that?"

I quickly sat up and looked in front of me. Standing before me was a man in a long light brown trench coat. He had black hair and blue eyes. His beauty was breathtaking and he had a certain glow to him.

He looked like a hot tax accountant. His face was serious and unafraid. I growled as I clenched my dagger tighter in my hand. How the hell did he get in here? I made sure that all the windows and doors were locked and salted.

The man watched me as I crouched into a defensive position. The man slowly took a step closer to me. That was when I pounced. I sprang from the bed and jumped on the stranger, plunging my dagger right into his heart.

I quickly jumped off him and growled. I watched in horror as the man pulled the knife from his chest. His face held no pain or anger as the wound healed before my eyes.

"What are you?" I asked, as he slowly stood up.

"My name is Castiel and I am an Angel of the Lord."