Her Eyes

I sat in my truck outside the small bungalow. Today would be the day where I’d have to be a real father again. Sure I had been there for my baby girl, but that was almost 15 years ago. Her mother kicked me out of her life when I got traded from St. Louis to Toronto. Gone were the days where she’d sit in her monkey costume and eat bananas. Now were the days where she’d get brought home by the cops for underage drinking; got kicked out of school because she slept with the whole hockey team. She was my baby, my carbon copy, and I had the responsibility of fixing her.

No sooner had I gotten my thoughts together that the door to my truck opened and she slid into the passenger seat, hurling her backpack over the consol and into the back. Her red hair was pinned up in a messy bun atop her head. Her eyes, that's where hope lies. That's where blue skies, meet the sunrise. Those green eyes told me everything I needed to know in that moment. She was scared. And hell, I would be too. Moving to a strange town, hell to a new country with a man she hasn’t seen for 15 years.

“Alright Teej, she’s your problem now. I’ve tried everything I could. She’s the spitting image of you 15 years ago. You need to fix this,” My ex sneered, slamming the door shut and heading back up the steps into the house.

I let out the breath that I didn’t know I was holding and slowly drove away. I wracked my brain for things to say to Tamara. I mean, what do you say to a girl whose mother just abandoned her to the man that likes to call himself her father.

“Tamara, I know it’s hard. But if you need anything you just let me know. We’re in for a long drive, so if you want to drive I have no problem letting you.”

“Dad, can you just drop it. I’m not in the mood to talk right now. Maybe in a little bit, but the fact that mom just abandoned me just 5 seconds ago.” Tamara sighed, looking at me with those tear-filled emerald green eyes.

“I know baby girl, I guess she thought it was for the best. And now I won’t be so lonely,” I smiled, hoping to get a rise out of her. It didn’t happen.

“How bout you lean back and have a nap. I’ll wake you when it’s my turn.” I smiled, turning on the seat warmer in the hope that it would lull her to sleep.

Sure enough, it did, and I was left to my thoughts once again.

A few hours into our drive, I pull over to grab some McDonald’s for the road. Not knowing what she eats now, I went for the classic chicken nuggets with honey dipping sauce. That was always her favourite; her daddy snack cause mommy wouldn’t let her have any. I placed the bag down on the floor by her feet and continued my drive.

“Dad? How’d you know these were my favourite?” I hear Tamara ask as she digs into the lukewarm bad of McDonalds.

“I didn’t actually. All I knew was that they were your favourite when you were two, and that was the last time I saw you.” I said, slowly stopping the car as we approached rush hour traffic.

“Well it’s still my favourite. So, thanks for getting it for me.” She whispered the last part, focusing on eating more than keeping my attention.

“Any time, Babe! Just ask and I’ll get it.”

We sat in comfortable silence; Tamara eating and I flicked with my phone, trying to send a text to my agent telling him to look at bigger houses for me and my girl.

“Dad? Are you addicted to porn?”

I drop my phone and whip my head towards her. “What?”

“Are you addicted to porn?”

“Why would you ask that? And no, I’m not addicted to porn”

“Well, mom thinks all men are addicted to porn. And, well, you’re a man.”

“But that doesn’t mean that I’m addicted to porn. This between you and me.....your mom watched it more than I ever did.”

“Ewww, Dad I really didn’t need to know that! That’s disgusting,” She cried, laughing so hard that her seat shook and smiling so hard her cheeks must pain.

“So, Tam, fill me in. What do I need to know about you so that I’m not out in left field half of the time?”

“Well, I’ve saved up all of my allowances so I could go see the Mets in New York City. I love Michael Jackson; but can’t listen to anything after he made Bad. Umm, I like the Grateful Dead and cowboy hats make my head look fat.

So, what do I need to know about you?”

I took a deep breath. “Well, I need you to know how sorry I am for leaving you. That no matter where this career takes me, that you’ll be there and will come first in every decision I make.”

“Dad, I honestly don’t care where you’ve been. I just care about the fact that we’re together again.”

“You need to tell me why you became the female version of me. I don’t understand how you could do all those things, and yet still keep the perfect grades and image.”

“I did those things cause I knew it would make Mom snap. I knew that if I stepped out of line or acted like you in any way that she’d call you and make me come live with you. I wanted my daddy back in my life; and now that I have you, I plan on never disappointing you or doing stupid shit so that you’d have to send me back. I don’t want to go back, Daddy.”

I felt the tears prick my eyes and knew I had to pull over to the nearest exit. Once I did and parked the car, I ripped off my seatbelt, unbuckled hers, and took her into my arms.

“Oh Monkey, I’m not going to let you go. I’ve waited fifteen years to get you back, and I’m not letting you go for a while. You’re mine, all mine, and I don’t have to share you with anyone. You’re beautiful, and sweet, and funny, and gorgeous, and I love you. I love you so much, Tamara. I don’t think I could ever begin to show you how much I love you,”

“You don’t need to Dad. I already know.” She said, kissing me lightly on my cheek before hugging me harder.

We stayed like this until her phone chimed, breaking us apart for a little while. I was about to put my seatbelt back on when I heard her squeek. “Hey Dad?”

“Yes, Tamara?”

“Can I drive?”

My heart dropped to the bottom of my stomach. “You want to drive? Are you sure?’

“Oh, I’m sure. The question is are you?” She smirked.

“The thought of you driving scares me to death, but come one, lets head home” I said, opening my door and walking over to the passenger seat.

“Yay, you’re awesome,” She smiles, kissing me on the cheek before running around the car and hopping into the driver’s seat.

I don’t know how I’m going to survive the next few years with her, or if she’ll tell me the truth all the time. I just know that looking into her eyes will tell me all I need to know.