Back To December

Sitting here at the beach looking at the soothing waves crash into the shore, drifting from memory to memory just thinking where everything went wrong. I realized all of the mistakes I have made wishing I could turn back time and change it all, but I can’t and I have to live with the way things turned out. I guess everyone has someone or something from the past that they regret or wish they could change.

I still remember like it was yesterday when everything started. It was the beginning of summer four years ago when it all started; I was with my friends at the beach, the same beach I am at right now, we were trying to find the perfect spot to catch the sun rays. Then one moment I was walking and the next moment I was on my ass in the hot sandy beach. I of course wasn’t paying attention to where I was going and neither was he because he was trying to catch a Frisbee his friends were throwing around. What I didn’t realize was that my life changed that very moment. He turned around started to apologize and hold out his hand to help me up and I swear my breath got caught in my throat on how gorgeous he looked. After I got my bearings I told him it was okay because we both weren’t paying attention to where we were going. He smiled at me and insisted that he make it up to me by buying me dinner. I of course said yes and few dates later he asked me to be his girlfriend.

It’s crazy to think that happened four years ago and to think that it would be easy for me to let him in, but I did and when I realized that I did everything went downhill from there. I got scared and pushed him away and kept distancing myself from him until he finally got the hint then it was over. I guess I was just fooling myself to think that our relationship could have worked when there were so many things going against us. He was trying to make it big in the national hockey league and I was an aspiring physical therapist at University of Southern California, also known as USC. We wanted two different things in life that were not in the same direction of each other. I can’t help but think if we didn’t fall too deep for each other and end so horribly that maybe we could be on better terms or that maybe later down the road our relationship could work out. God I wished so badly that it didn’t end the way it did because it’s like half of me is missing and that’s because he isn’t in my life anymore, but I have no one to blame but myself for that.

“Elle what are you doing it’s late out and it’s time to go back to the house.” My friend calls out to me, I sigh and get up and let the breeze wash away my thoughts of four years ago and him.