Pumpkin

I guess it's a universal fact or something that happiness never last. I've noticed that in nearly every movie I've watched. Then at the end they cut it off when it's all positive and stuff because they don't want you to see what happens after the big kiss. A fight. Or a death. Or, I don't know, reality kicks in. Shit fucking sucks. I was too stupid to think that things might get better. I was right all those years ago to try and end it all. It might not be too late to make my own noose and just dangle in my closet. It'd be so easy.

No. I need to stop. I'm just being dramatic. I just can't think right now. The tension is so thick I can't breathe and I'm not even in the same room as them.

If you've guessed it congrats. If you haven't then be prepared.

I'm pretty sure that my father has a porn addiction. That could be solved. That wouldn't be so much of a problem if it wasn't for the type of porn he was looking at. Why? Why couldn't he learn to just exit out of the fucking browser? Why couldn't I have just typed in something else into the search bar? If he wasn't such a sick fuck we wouldn't have these problems. If my parents could just get along and love each other like married couples are supposed to do none of this would be important. But most of all.. Darren. If he could keep his cock in his pants I'd be fine.

I still can't believe what I saw on that screen.

There were girls. Young girls that were scantily clad. I'm not talking about eighteen year olds with pigtails and plaid skirts. I'm saying eleven year old girls with bathing suits bent over and smiling over their shoulders at the camera. There were girls, women my mom used to work with, tentacles, there were videos of girls getting raped. I haven't told anyone I've found it. I just exited out.

I feel sick. I want to puke. I find it hard to believe that the man that raised me has been looking at that trash.

I have to close my eyes when I hear my dad walk into the kitchen and make himself a cup of tea. He's completely oblivious to the fact that I know. I know everything and I want to scream at him. I want to punch him and kick him. Mom too! I want to yell at her and tell her to be a better wife. Why wasn't she good enough for him?

In fear of doing something stupid, saying something stupid, I called Kat and asked her to come pick me up. Surprise, surprise, we're at the pub. I heard someone call out, "Yank!" When I entered but for once I wasn't bothered. All I knew was that I needed a drink and I needed it now. Bear eyed me with his sharp gaze and set a pint in front of me before I had the chance of asking for one. "Thank you," I said softly.

The beer was ice cold and for once didn't taste like piss. No wonder people drank it quite often.

"Alright, girlie. Speak to me." Kat eyed me expectantly.

"Not now. Later," I said quickly when I noticed her unnerving stare, "Just.. Right now isn't a good time."

It was after my third pint that Kat had left me to go catch up with a couple guys in the corner. I shook my head and stared down at the beer. It was weird to think that in America I'd need another two years before I was allowed to drink legally. All the kids I graduated with were stuck depending on their siblings or older friends to buy them their alcohol. Fuckers.

"Alcohol is a depressant," I heard from behind me. "You shouldn't be drinking when you're upset."

The boy with the lopsided smile held a cup and came to sit next to me. I wasn't sure if I was blushing or not but either way I ducked my head down to avoid his gaze. "It's that obvious?" Came my soft reply. I ought to speak up more often.

He smiled crookedly at me and laughed lowly. His voice was thickened with an accent that was quite rough. Much like most of the men in the pub. He must have grown up here. It was warm. I liked it a lot. "Love, you've been moping since you got here. More so than usual."

"Charmin'," Bear spoke up from where he stood. There a smirk etched onto his cold features.

"Fuck off, I'm being nice," the guy shot back with a grin.

I could feel the corners of my lips snaking up as I looked at him. "Thanks for the chips, by the way. You know.. Couple weeks ago when I failed at that drinking contest. It helped my self esteem."

The guy, I still didn't know his name, grinned some more and ordered some chips. He raised his drink to his lips and took a generous sip.

"Eat up, love. I wanna see you smile tonight."