In a World Where Only Madness Matters

Jax cowered in the corner of his old 2 story home. He couldn’t look up. He was too busy violently shaking from the fear he was currently in. The screams from his mother were agonizing and pounding into his head. He couldn’t take it. He tried covering his ears but nothing worked. And the laughter only grew louder.

There was blood everywhere. Even Jax was covered in it. ‘He’ was coming closer. Twirling a knife in his blood stained hand. Jax had to get away. He had to run. Jax jumped up from where he sat and made a mad dash for the door. But he didn’t make. [He never did.]

Jax jumped up from Rebecca’s bed in a cold sweat. He shivered from the terror he was just in, and swiftly looked around to make sure ‘he’ was not here. Luckily, it was all just a dream and he quickly looked down at Rebecca’s sleeping, peaceful body. He made a note to himself that Rebecca was indeed, a very heavy sleeper. Which was good. He didn’t need her worrying about him when they slept.

Shaking his head and pressing his hands to his forehead, he felt his head was burning up. He needed ice. He turned back to Rebecca. She looked so beautiful, thought Jax. He did not want to wake her up.

Slowly, he slipped off the bed, and quietly walked out of the room. Turning left he made his way down the hall to the living area, and turned to the kitchen which on the right.

Opening the top of the refrigerator to where he assumed there would be ice, he found nothing. Only a cold empty box. He turned down to the bigger part of the fridge and opened it to also find a big load of absolutely nothing. He growled. He wanted something to eat. He wanted some freakin ice! [Ugh.]

Going to the cabinets he found nothing. Then moved to the next cabinet, he found one box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, still half way full. Which was enough for him. He eagerly took it down from the counter and shoved his hand into it, bringing up a handful, and throwing it into his mouth.

His taste buds sparked in pleasure. He hadn’t tasted so much sugar in so long, saying he savored it, would be an understatement.

Jax walked into the living room, approaching the big windows, and looked around. Matt was gone. Although he would have loved to think of where exactly he could have gone, Jax couldn’t have cared less.

Turning from the windows he found a computer, on a desk, sitting up against the wall to his right. He anxiously walked over to it and sat down in the black computer chair the desk provided.

Jax had only used a computer one time in his entire life. Luckily it was when Stoubs allowed him to see his labtop back in Arkham. Which was only about a year ago. Stoubs had showed him the basics of how to use a mouse, how to turn on a computer, and showed him how to get on the internet. Although this was not a labtop, Jax was sure he was smart enough to figure out how to use it. Though, he was not sure how to turn this one on…

Placing his box of cereal on the desk beside the mouse he looked down at the keyboard. Nervously poking it with his left index finger. Nothing happened. [Hm.] Jax went for the mouse, thinking maybe if he shook it, it would wake up. Thankfully for him, the computer instantly turned on once he had began to move the mouse. He didn’t even want to think about if he had gotten mad at it. Rebecca would have been furious if he broke her computer.

Clicking the start bar he looked for the icon that said internet. None of them said internet. So he decided to click them all till he got what he wanted. Fortunately, for him the 2nd one, stating something about a fox on fire worked, and the internet filled up the screen. Jax smiled at himself, proud he had been able to go this far and actually be able to do what he wanted.

After a while of figuring out he had to go to a search engine first before he tried to search anything, [the computer suggesting to him, Bing, Google, and Yahoo.] He picked Google.

Jax had never learned how to type. Saying that he had to ‘hunt and peck’ was hardly near the speed of which he tried to find the correct keys. No, he was much slower. It took him nearly 5 minutes to find each new letter. Several times almost feeling like he should give up because he couldn’t find a letter. But would then find it, and push it down with his left index finger again.

Eventually he had managed to type in his entire mothers name, and to his surprise MANY news articles and newspaper clips came up, and using the mouse, he began to search through them to find what he was looking for.

Mostly just reports of her job and her work back at Arkham. How she was one of the smartest among the employees of Arkham, and that she was deeply missed.

Picking his cereal box back up, he began to grab more handfuls, and stuff them into his mouth as he read. His focus being completely on the computer and the words in front of him, [Jax couldn’t focus on more then one thing at a time.] He didn’t hear Rebecca come out of her room and enter the living room.

“Good morning Jax.” Rebecca said as she walked over to the computer desk.

“Morning.” Jax answered back flatly, his eyes still glued to the screen. Rebecca, curiously walked over and stood next to Jax.

“Whacha lookin at?” She asked. Jax’s head shot up and he lightly pushed her away.

“Nothing.” He said his face lost of any emotion.

Rebecca shrugged. If he didn’t want her to know, then it was none of her business. She wasn’t going to fight him on it. It was too early.

“Okay.” Rebecca smiled, letting him know that she wasn’t going to invade his privacy.

“Sorry. I’m just trying to find something.” Jax said turning back to the computer.

“Its okay. Can I have some cereal?” Rebecca asked also hungry. Jax, with his eyes still set onto the computer screen, grabbed the box and held it out to his left for her to take. She hesitantly took it, and proceed to pull out her own handful before handing it back to him. He sat it back down on the desk and continued to stare into the internet.

“Can you even read?” Rebecca asked, as she turned and made her way to the kitchen.

“Yes.” Jax answered the tone in his voice not changing.

“Alright,” Rebecca replied opening the fridge to also find nothing, “Well if you need any help just ask me, okay?”

Jax nodded in response. He wasn’t paying all too much attention to her, but he did hear her say she would help him if he needed it. He didn’t want help. He didn’t want to feel like a little kid to her. [Hell he was the older one!] He was not going to look weak, or stupid, in front of her. Jax would not ask Rebecca for help.

But quickly realizing that he had been somewhat mean to her sense she had came out of her room, he jumped from the chair. Running to her, and embracing her into a hug. She giggled, hugging him back.

“What’s this for?” She asked confused to his random hug.

“Oh I just wanted to thank you for being so beautiful.” Jax smiled looking down at her in his arms. She laughed.

“Awh thanks!” Rebecca squealed hugging him tighter. He grunted, as she squeezed him hard and let go. “But you should really shower, you haven’t sense we left Arkham.” Jax rolled his eyes.

“Ugh… okay.” He mumbled irritated.

Jax didn’t like showering. He thought it was such a waste of time. What was the point of getting all clean just to get dirty again? [Did no one understand his theory?]

Rebecca disappeared back down the hallway and Jax went back to sitting in front of the computer, intensely reading the reports he found about his mother.

It was only after a couple minutes passed that Rebecca appeared back into the living room. And looking ready to go somewhere. Jax glanced up at her. She was wearing light blue jeans, a red hoodie, and with the Uggs she had gotten last night. She also had in her hand a matching off-red purse.

“I’m goanna go out for groceries. The stores not that far.” Rebecca told him as she opened her cell phone. “By the way. Matt texted me. He said he went out for a bit, but he’ll be back soon okay?”

“Texted… You?” Jax asked completely confused. “Like called you?”

“No, text. You know like a text message?”

“What’s that?” Jax asked taking another handful from the box and eating it.

“Where’s your phone? I’ll show you.”

“I don’t know.” Jax shrugged turning back to the computer, his attention span no longer caring what this ‘text messaging’ was.

“Ugh.” Rebecca sighed. It only figured Jax couldn’t keep track of something for more then an hour. Surely she’d have time to find it later though. “Alright well I’m leaving. Are you going to be okay without me?” Rebecca asked somewhat nervous to leave Jax alone for the first time.

He turned back up to her. Nodding his head with a smile. “I’ll be fine.”

“Okay.” Rebecca replied. She walked over to him, leaned down, and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Be careful Jax.” Rebecca said as she headed for the door. She put a big pair of black sunglasses on, and left the apartment.

Jax was a shade of dark pink. He had frozen the moment her lips touched his skin. He had no idea how to react to that.

“That was…” He spoke to the air. “That was amazing!!” He shouted feeling happy. He had no idea how Rebecca doing that made him feel so happy but it did! And it was an awesome feeling. It was almost like the way she had made him feel back when he was fighting her in their cell. Only to a lesser extent. Jax decided, if they all made him feel that great, he really liked kisses.

Standing up from the computer, [he could no longer focus, not with that kiss still circling in his thoughts] he stretched and thought he better take a shower now. It was something Rebecca wanted him to do. And he knew, when Rebecca wanted something, she was going to get it, no matter what he had to do.

As he began to make his way back to the kitchen to put the cereal box back, something caught his attention, in the peripheral of his right eye, at the end of the hallway.

Jax stopped dead in his tracks. Fear rushing through him all at once, he couldn’t move. He was petrified. But somehow, slowly, he turned to face down the hallway. And he gulped, terror forming a not inside his chest.

Right at the other end of the hallway, was ‘him’. He was there. Standing right there in front of him. Smiling. The mans eyes peering straight into Jax. Burning him with hatred.

Tears began to form in Jax’s eyes he was so scared. This couldn’t be real. It wasn’t real. He quickly remembered it was just hallucination. And violently began to hit himself in the head to snap himself out of it. But when ‘he’ began to walk towards him from the end of the hall, Jax started to freak out.

“NO! NO! YOU’RE NOT REAL!” Jax screamed pounding his head harder. He fell to his knees, and went to began ripping out his hair, but nothing was working. He was coming closer, he could hear his footsteps. That’s when the idea hit Jax.

Pulling his head up from his hands, he saw the man. He was coming closer. Jax ran to the wall, turning on every single light there was that he could find until he found the switch for the hallway. He hit the correct switch, and the hall light lit up. And instantly, just as fast the man had appeared, ‘he’ was gone.

Jax breathed out a huge sigh of relief. Bending down on his knees, holding himself up against the wall, trying to catch his breath.

“God damn it.” He mumbled to himself.

He quickly made his way to the kitchen, finding a glass, and filling it with tap water. He gulped down all of it in a matter of seconds, and held the glass tightly in his hand.

Jax didn’t think he’d see ‘him’ when he wasn’t in Arkham. It only fucking figured, thought Jax. He couldn’t deal with this, not now. It made him so angry. So furious how his father was able to do this to him and he wasn’t even there.

All at once, the glass shattered in Jax’s hand. Shards flying from it in every direction, scattering the kitchen floor and counter.

Jax didn’t know what would have happened if Rebecca had seen him like that. But Rebecca had seen plenty of it and how he was when a hallucination hit him back in Arkham. [And he still felt embarrassed about it.] He was not going to let her see him like this. Not anymore. Stoubs said to him that he believed Jax would one day grow out of his hallucinations. He could only hope, that his now dead and gone, great doctor was correct.

A puddle of blood formed in the palm of Jax’s hand from the broken glass. He looked down at it, admiring the red liquid that dripped from his hand onto the floor. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to make him feel better. Just like at Arkham, he felt better when he caused himself pain. He felt a release, like a nicotine addict and cigarettes. It calmed him and suddenly, all his anger, all his pain, drained out of his body. Just the way the blood in his hand did.

Jax grabbed a rag from the sink and wrapped it around his palm, kicking the shards of glass out of the way in the process.

“Only one day and I’ve already made a fucking mess.” Jax spoke out loud to himself as he washed his cut in the sink. He then put the rag back over it, and bent down to pick up the pieces of glass.

He threw the bits of the glass away into the nearby trash can and put the rag back by the sink. He decided now he would take a shower, then head out in search of his mother. In search of the truth, and all that had happened since being locked up in Arkham.