In a World Where Only Madness Matters

“So what was it you wanted to see me about Jax?” Stoubs asked the overly restrained boy sitting across the table from him. [Again.]

Monday, it was Monday. And Jax had demanded an urgent meeting with his doctor. Yelling for his guards all through the night to take him. He had never done this before, it was very unlike him. Right away Dr. Stoubs granted his request and met with him the very next morning he had gotten to work. Here he now sat, staring intensely at the very, confused and nervous looking boy starring back at him.

“You told your guards, you thought you were going to die? Was it ‘him’ again? Did you fear he was going to kill you?”

“No! I mean, no. Of course not.” His response was normal. Sure Stoubs knew that this ‘him’ had been out to get Jax from the moment he stepped through Arkham’s doors, but could tell this was certainly not the same case.

“It was um...” Jax was hesitating, another characteristic not often found with him. He was a very outgoing, straight to the point kind of boy. Stoubs made sure to mark down the change in behavior. “I think I’m sick. I have a disease” Jax stated bluntly.

“Disease?” Stoubs asked trying to get more out of him. [His reverse psychology of course.]

“Yes, Malaria.” Jax firmly nodded, believing what he said was sensible.

“Malaria? How could you have gotten that?”

“Okay no wait, that’s not what I meant. I change my mind. Uh, Scoliosis. Yes! That’s it! Scoliosis, that must be what’s wrong with me.”

“So then you think your spine out of line. Would you like me to have someone check for you?” Stoubs asked kindly.

“What!? No! Its not my spine! Its my….”

Stoubs waited.

“Its AIDS! Yeah, that’s all. Maybe the Small Pox. No wait! Arthritis, yeah that’s it. That’s the word I was looking for.” Jax smiled, proud to finally of found a disease that sounded correct for the ‘symptoms’ he believed he had.

“Jax, do you even know what any of those are?”

“…No.” He admitted defeatedly.

Stoubs shook his head, letting his gaze fall to the table as he removed his small reading glasses and rubbed his temples. Whatever Jax had thought was so important to wake him out of bed at 3 in the morning, seemed no where worth talking about at any time of day. He was making no sense and he was of course on every sedative to keep as calm and sustained as possible. Stoubs went deeper. Trying to understand why Jax would feel he was sick.

“How do you believe you got sick?” Stoubs asked leaning back in his chair. He glanced at his watch. Six AM. He’d just now be getting ready to go to work, but not today. He sure hoped he was getting paid over time for this.

“In all honesty? I think that, uh, Rebecca girl gave it to me. She must have been sick before they let her in my cell. Uh-huh. That’s who.”

Jax wasn’t even fooling himself now. It was obvious he was making it up as he went along. He had no idea where he had gotten ‘sick’ from. And just pulled to the first thing, first person in reach, for the blame.

“I see. And what are the symptoms of this, disease, you believe contracted?”

Jax turned a bright pink, immediately averting the eyes of his doctor. He didn’t know if it was right to tell him what happened. Hell he wasn’t even sure of what happened. He thought he had been happy with Rebecca, so happy he never wanted to let her go. But that’s when… that’s when… Jax shook his head trying to forget it, but he was the one who called for his doctor. Screaming hysterically that’d he’d kill himself if they didn’t come bring him out of his cell to see Stoubs.

“Um well I couldn’t breath. Maybe its asthma!” Jax said hoping it to be anything furthest away from what his mind could never believe it to really be.

“Why don’t you…” Stoubs searched for ideas. “Why don’t you tell me what you did yesterday. And what happened. That way maybe we can find out where and how you got sick. Hm?” He offered. Jax nodded his head.

“Okay, um. Start at the begging?”

“That’d be a thought.” Sure Stoubs was coming off a bit cynical and sarcastic. But he was old. Very old, and tired. But this didn’t bother Jax at all. Nor did that ever bother him. He never cared if someone was angry at him or ignoring him. [Till Rebecca.] He always kept talking.

“Well first, I got woken up. By that, that, Ape-like gorilla-man guard of Rebecca’s. I don’t like him. Nope, not one bit. Then well he took her away. And I was alone. I don’t really remember much of that. See I had, uh, hit my head. So I just laid there for a few hours. Then my guards came. They had to pick me up, I was so tired. And then I was with you. I can’t remember what we talked about but I remember all I could think about was Rebecca. She was all I could think about all day. I missed her a lot. But uh, well then I ended up back in the cell and I got to see her. And she told me she was trying to Esss…”

“Trying to…”

“Trying to esssca…lade. Escalde! That’s a word right?”

“No.”

“Good. And, anyways, I didn’t get to talk to her for very long because then the, uh, guards came and took her to lunch. Then I tired exercising a little bit like I do ya know? And then I got mad.”

“Mad about what?” Stoubs asked beginning to feel intrigued.

“Rebecca! She, she wouldn’t stop! She wouldn’t stay out of my head! But then I got angry, cause I didn’t want her out of my head. But she was hurting my head. I had to make it stop. So I started kicking the wall. Then I hurt my foot, and I couldn’t stand anymore. So I just sat there, on my mattress. I never liked my mattress before, but its smelled so good sense Rebecca started using it. And I just sat there, waiting for her to come back. I started singing or I guess humming. It was an old song my mom used to sing to me.” Jax stopped dead in his words. Crap! He thought. He let his mother slip.

“So you had a mother?” Stoubs was now lively awake, and had just gotten something he’d been waiting 5 long years to get out of him. What started at something stupid, became such a success.

“No that’s not what I said! Shut up! I’m not finished yet.”

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. Go on.” Although Jax had clearly said mother, Stoubs knew it was for another time. He was addressing a different problem right now, and obviously was going to be more open about whatever it was at the moment bothering him. Best to go with the easiest. Either way, the whole session was amazing progress.

“Then Rebecca came back. I was so happy to see her. I didn’t like being alone. I hate being alone actually. So I hugged her. Because I missed her so much. She was cold, but her embrace was so warm. You know what that’s like, right Dr. Stoubs? Don’t answer that. And she smelled so good. I wanted to be closer to her, I wanted to hug her forever. But I couldn’t. Plus, I don’t think she would like that.”

There was a long pause. As if Jax was waiting for Stoubs to say something. But only waited for him to finish his story. Stoubs was starting to fit the pieces together. It almost made him want to laugh, but he let Jax continue.

“Eventually we got on the topic of fighting and I told her I could teach her. Cause I’m good at fighting. Don’t cha think Dr. Stoubs?” Jax smiled evilly down at where the scar on his doctors arm would be showing if it wasn’t for the maroon colored sleeve hiding it. Stoubs rolled his eyes, angered, but kept quite. “And she was actually pretty good. She was winning at first. Or so she thought. She was cute really. The way she tried to get away from me. But eventually I caught her. And I had her pinned. I had won. But, but, I didn’t want to let go. Something came over me. Her screams, her cries. It was all too much. And at first I loved them, and the way she would say my name when I pulled on her arms. But then… then…”

“Jax, everything your feeling is perfectly natural. Every young male goes through the same experience.”

“What? No I don’t think you understand.”

“Jax, its okay. I understand perfectly. You don’t need to worry. Its normal for you to feel aroused by a girl.”

“WHAT!? EW! WHATS WRONG WITH YOU! NO! YOU’RE CRAZY!” Jax shouted turning red.

“Alright now calm down Jax.” It was becoming clearer now to Stoubs why Jax was acting so extreme considering the circumstances. It was adorable really. How innocent he was. Jax had only been 10 years old when he had first entered Arkham. And had struggled learning his way through adolescence and maturity all by himself. It dawned on Stoubs that, not once during his growing up, had he had ‘the talk’ and it almost pained Stoubs to have to tell him. To take that innocence away.

- - -

Rebecca laid quietly, starring dazedly up at the ceiling. Counting the different blood spatter and drops that lined the crumbling concrete walled around her. Laying in this position, it had been the first time she noticed the footprints, yes footprints, that made a erratic path across the ceiling, and ended at the wall. As if the person who made them had either gone through it, or fell. [She guessed the second one.]

She rolled her eyes. She was annoyed. Not only by the fact that she was completely alone and getting bored, but at Jax. And his behavior. At first she was sympathetic, and tried to help. But the more he told her to stay away, the additional aggravation he caused her. By now she was completely pissed off at him. She hadn’t done anything! But, she guessed something like this would happen. [He was a tad crazy and all.] She just hoped that by the time he got back he was okay again, and could at least talk to him without being shouted or yelled at for no reason. And to speak of the devil.

Rebecca sat up at the sound of the doors hinges creaking open. Jax’s white-jacketed restricted body stumbling inside while his guards shut and locked the door behind him.

Jax walked in. Starring off into space as he collapsed on his butt to the floor. His legs crossed, his eyes focused somewhere else. Somewhere far from where he was starring.

He looked hypnotized, Rebecca thought observing him with interest. She wondered if it was the drugs. She decided to ask, perhaps pull him out of his strange trance?

“Was your doctor able to help you?” Rebecca asked scooting off the mattress and slowly approaching Jax. He didn’t look up but he shook his head.

“Yeah… I think so.” His sight stayed down at the ground, as if trying to believe everything his doctor had just told him was true. Still attempting to take it all in. Rebecca placed herself next to him, slightly nudging him.

“Are you going to be okay?” she asked wearily. Jax nodded again. Finally pulling his gaze from the floor and turning to Rebecca.

“I think so… Yeah, I’ll be alright.” Jax paused looking away. He turned completely around facing his back towards her. Motioning for her to take off his straight jacket for him. She smiled and proceeded to. Jax was back to normal. [Well as normal as he could be considered.]

“Ya know, funny thing. My doctor. He, uh, thinks I want to have sex with you.”

Rebecca’s face fell flat of all emotions, her left eye twitching in disgust. Her hands slowly fell from his back, only to have her one twitching eye and regular eye, stare blankly at the back of his head in shock. Jax turned around, noticing she had stopped removing his jacket for him.

“What? You think we should?”

“What!? NO! What’s wrong with you!?” Rebecca angrily yelled back at him.

“What… well I was just…” Jax stumbled over his words trying to explain what he had just said. This wasn’t like Jax, and he knew that. He never got like this, not being able to explain why he said something or why he would say something that didn’t even make sense to himself.

He shook his head frustrated. He pulled on his jacket finding she had removed enough of the straps for him to get out of it himself. He ripped it off and threw it to the ground besides him. Brining his knees up and resting his arms on them, he shoved his face into them. Not wanting to see or have to look at Rebecca.

“I don’t know… I’m sorry.” he said through muffled words, his mouth being pressed against his arms to hard.

“Jax…” Rebecca’s eye stopped twitching and she began to understand his feelings a little better. From the way he had first reacted to her arrival, to the fight that made him scream at her to go away. Poor Jax, she thought. He probably has no idea how it is to feel affection towards a person. He must be so confused and lost. Out of his comfort zone of pain and misery.

Surely Rebecca was going to try and comfort him. Tell him it was okay. Tell him she understood how confused he must be. But as if Rick couldn’t of been more annoying already. He came bursting through the metallic screeching door. And grabbed Rebecca by the hair once more. Dragging her back out towards the hallway.

Jax didn’t even budge. It was hard to say if he had actually wanted her gone, or if he just didn’t feel like moving. Probably a little of both he decided.

But turning on his forehead that stay pressed against his arms and knees, he glanced in the doors direction. Watching her small body be pulled and jerked away out of sight. And the rusting iron door locking him shut inside. To deal with his own problems by himself. Alone. He had been alone plenty of times sense Rebecca’s appearance, but this alone was different. This was the alone he didn’t like. The alone that drove him insane.

Jax looked up. His eyes completely lost of any confusion he was feeling, and full to the brim in fear and anxiety. He immediately backed up against the wall. Pressing his back hard to the cement. He had to get out, he had to get away.

He looked into the shadows. Jax could see him. He was coming closer. Jax screamed, turning his head to the wall. He didn’t want to see him. The one light flickered. On and off, on and off, on and off. Till finally it stopped. It was off.

Jax hesitantly looked up from his ball he had made himself in the corner and starred into complete darkness.

‘He’ was here again.