Wide Awake, My Mistake

I didn’t know what to say, he completely caught me off guard with the question. I know that I’ve always wanted to be with him, to be able to call him mine, but I guess things change? However not completely. It’s just will all the hurt he’s put me through, it’s really hard to know what to do, I don’t really want to be hurt again, what if it’s a lot worse if he does? I don’t think I could handle that. It would completely destroy me. Right, those are the negatives. But then again we’ve shared so many memories together, they may no be recent but they still count.
I’ve always love Alex and probably always will, but does he feel like that too? Sure he says he loves me but what if it’s not as much as I do for him? I just don’t know. I guess you don’t know until you’ve tried right? So it’s worth a shot.

Bring myself out of my thoughts, I cleared my throat and answered with a simple word.
“Yes”
His face that was once filled with worry, changed to a bright grin, he was literally glowing with pleasure.
“But if you hurt me, Alex I swear to god I will not be blamed for my actions” I added.
He laughed.
“Babe, I will never hurt you and like you would hurt this” he pointed as his face “I’m just too adorable” he implied.
I just shook my head and looked out the window, I had a smile on my face. Which for once was not fake, it was genuine.

Alex started up the car and drove down the road towards home, I’m guessing we were going to his place to hang out since we just drove past my street. The car ride was quiet, just the sound of the engine going. It wasn’t a tense silence, far from it. I guess it was just nice to be able to sit together, sharing each others company. Something we haven’t shared for a while.
I really did miss the old times, I don’t think there was ever a day, where I didn’t think about him, I know I didn’t tell him that, but I didn’t want to give him the upper hand. Why did he date Maisy though? I guess she was fairly beautiful, but was completely opposite to me. Thinking about this always brought me down, I was always comparing myself to her, I wasn’t good enough for him, I was just his friend. But that never once stopped me from loving him. Ever. He had been the best thing that had ever happened to me, we were inseparable. When Maisy came, everything changed, as she joined our group Alex and I had grown apart, he was spending more and more time with her than me. When I would ask him to hang out, he always said he had plans with Maisy. It hurt. But when I confided in her that time, opening up how I felt about Alex, I should have know better. She was after Alex too and won him too. Finding them sucking each others faces that time, it was something that would never leave me alone. I always thought that he felt the same way as me, but that proved me wrong. He had been in love with Maisy.
“Lea?” Alex spoke softly, gently nudging me bringing me out of my thoughts. “We’re here”.
I hadn’t realised, I just smiled and got out of the car. I hadn’t noticed I had been crying either until Alex walked around the car to me, wiping away a tear.
“Babe, what’s wrong?” he asked.
I couldn’t tell him what was really wrong, he’d think I’m just being silly and that I should just forget about the past.
“N-nothing” I stuttered. Making it plainly obvious that I was lying. Gosh why did I have to be such a crap liar?
“Lea, I have known you way too long to know when you’re lying. Let’s go inside and talk about this” he spoke worriedly, before holding onto my hand and walking me up onto the front porch.
The door was open so we just walked through into the hallway. Nothing about the house had changed from all those years ago. Everything was still in place, the huge antique mirror was still placed on the wall beside the staircase. The cabinet that was placed just below it, with a vase of roses in front.
“Leander, is that you?” a women spoke.
I turned to the doorway to the side to meet Alex’s mom Isobel. She hadn’t changed much at all.
“Hey Mrs Gaskarth, yeah it’s me” I smiled at her.
She walked over to me and pulled me into a hug, Alex laughed and hugged us both. Group hugs had always been Alex’s thing. I don’t know why, but he just liked them I guess.
We all pulled back out of the hug.
“Dear, please call me Isobel” she smiled “I haven’t seen you in years! You’ve grown so much, you’re a beautiful young adult”
“Thank you Isobel” I smiled back.
Alex cleared his throat.
“We’re gonna go upstairs, Mom” Alex told his mom, before pulling me upstairs behind him.
I waved too Isobel before entering Alex’s room.