Wide Awake, My Mistake

As I limped up to the porch, I waved at Alex has he backed out of the driveway and headed down the street. Today could have gone a lot better, but I guess I’m glad I’m back with Alex again, but what am I going to tell Jack…shit JACK! As quickly as I could I opened the door and headed straight upstairs, walking through my door I found Jack sat on my bed. He looked really upset, he must have seen me come back with Alex. Fuck what am I going to say? The truth? Better that hurting him by lying right?

“Jack?” I spoke softy.

His gaze that was once settled on his feet met mine, his eyes showed he had been crying, had I hurt him that bad? I walked over to sit beside him on the bed, pulling him into a tight hug.

“Why Lea? Why’d you have to hurt me?” he whispered.

Oh fuck, It’s all my fault, Jack has been nothing but a best friend towards me and this is how I’ve treated him, how could I have been so cruel?

“Jack, I’m so…” I began but was cut off by Jack.

“No, Lea you’re not sorry. You’ve always loved Alex, even though he put you through shit, you still loved him. I tried my best to get you to love me, I tried my best to be something Alex never could be, but no, you still wouldn’t pick me, would you Lea? Knowing that I would never hurt you what so ever, in any shape or form. I thought we were best friends Lea, I thought we could have been more, obviously I was wrong” he ranted before getting up and walking towards the bedroom door. “I’m sorry I was never good enough” he finalised before walking out of my room and out of my life.

What had I done? Jack was my best friend, I had no idea he felt that strongly towards me, I never knew he was trying to get me to like him, he changed for me and I didn’t even notice it. I’m such a bitch. Tears were starting to fall, knowing that I had probably lost the best friend I could have ever asked for, losing the one person who would never judge a thing I did. I lost Jack. I thought about texting him, but I thought against it in the end, knowing that he needed to calm down. I sat in the same spot for a while, before changing into my pyjamas and getting into bed, as I lay there all the events that had happened today played through my mind. I groaned before turning the light out and falling asleep.

I woke up the next day feeling like absolute shit. I felt guilty. Which is the worse feeling in the world. I turned my attention to the alarm clock, then immediately jumping out of bed and getting changed. I was really late for school. I skipped breakfast and shower, and scurried down the stairs and out the door, I pegged it down the street towards school, just got there in time for the bell.
I stopped for a moment to catch my breath when I saw Jack and Maisy coming up to the entrance holding hands…
I think a little part of me died, right there on that spot.