Trust Me, I'm in a Band.

Sandra's words leave me frozen. I search her face for any hint of a joke. There is none. How can she do this to us? How can she do this to ME? We've been through so much together and now she just wants to leave me. She's supposed to be my rock. Where will I be if she leaves?

I feel a tear run down my cheek. "Sandra, you're the best drummer and the most inspiring person I've ever met. It's your choice but can't we talk about this? I can take you out for coffee. Just me and you."

Cc gets up and scurries from the room. I start to worry about him. Some of the things Jake and Jinxx said were pretty hurtful. But Cc will be here tomorrow. Sandra might not.

She shakes her head. "I already decided." She retreats to the bunk room. I jump up and follow after her. Maybe I can make this right.

"Please, Sandra, don't leave! We need you! You can't just leave in the middle of a tour. Where will we find a new drummer?" I whisper, trying not to let the rest of the band hear. 

"I have to." She whispers back.

"Why though? Can't we work something out. Sandra, please, don't leave. We really need you." I plead. I don't think she understands how much I need her.

"You don't understand. There is no working something out! I can't stand seeing you with him!" She whisper shouts back, her eyes start watering.

Wait. What does she mean? Is she talking about Cc? Is that what his is about? Cc is the best thing for me! Why does she have a problem with that?

"What do you-?" And then her lips are on mine.

Oh. I think I know now.

"Andy, I love you." She kisses me again and I don't have the heart to push her away.

"Sandra I-"

"No, Andy, you don't understand. I'm in love with you and seeing you and Cc together everyday, knowing that you sleep in the same bed? It tears me apart. He's tearing us apart." 

"Maybe he is but Sandra YOU have to understand that I'm in love with him, okay? Yes, LOVE. I can't just turn that off. I won't ever feel that kind of love for you but I DO love you and I don't want you to go. Please, maybe we could sleep in separate bunks and turn off the PDA. Anything."

"How can you love him and not me? We've known each other longer! He's only been around for a week."

I smile. "'It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations.'" I tell her. Its one of my favorite quotes and I don't think it's ever been more true. "If I was going to fall in love with you I would have already. But Cc? It's there."

"Well I can't be around that. Its either me or him." 

I feel like I've been slapped across the face. How could she ask me to choose? Especially because I know she wont like the answer...

"Sandra, I'm sorry. I can't do that to myself and I sure as hell can't do that to him. We're really going to miss you." I turn and storm out to the living area.

Jinxx looks up at me wide eyed. "What happened? Is she really leaving?"

"Yeah, guys I'm so sorry. This is all my fault." I explain to them what happened and see the mix of emotions in each of them. 

"So." Jake breaks the silence after a few minutes. "Where are we gonna find a new drummer?"

I smile and feel ecstatic that they support my decision. It's not easy accepting the loss of a long time band member and really good friend. But I think they understand that I lobe him. I really do. 

After about an hour of discussing what we're gonna do we it's decided that Sandra will stay for the next two shows. That will give us enough time to come up with a temporary replacement...

When that's all done, I go and look for Cc. He's curled up in our bunk with one of my hoodies covering his torso. "Hey, are you okay? They didn't mean anything they said."

"Andy? Did you mean what you said? About loving me?" He asks.

I freeze. He heard that? I didn't want him to know just yet because what if he doesn't feel the same way? "Yeah, Cc, I meant every word."