No Time To Bleed

“So, what’s the plan?” I asked Cece.

She and I were the last ones left in the bathroom. The silence was ringing in my ears. My hands were still shaking.

“Jasmine…” she uttered.

Everyone else had left out slowly. No one had really heard Cece’s plan. The entire explosive confrontation with Alex had drained everyone, made everything awkward.

Cece’s arms circled around me. My chin rested into her shoulder blade. I just kept my breathing calm and centered.

“I never thought he’d do this. Not to us and especially not to you.” Her hands ran down my hair, soft voice just above me. The hug lasted for a while until we pulled slowly from each other.I stared to her, seeing the tears in her eyes.

“How are we gonna do this without him? He was there when it all started. He was with us.”

“Sometimes to live is an act of courage. I read that in a book once” Her face seemed sad. “I’ve been through a lot of stuff, seen people die and be experimented and beaten and hurt. Compared to everything else, this hurts just as much, but it’s a bump in the road and one thing’s helped me so far since we got here…”

“What’s that?” I swallowed the lump of cotton in my throat surely.

“That you’re gonna be there with me. Everyone else can die, but you’ll be there with me.” Her hands went to my shoulders. “You’re like my sister.”

And even with the huge warmth in her voice, I couldn’t stop the massive burden from falling onto my shoulders. Everyone else could die? Inside, I hated the sound of that promise. Hated it.

“But, I don’t want anyone to die, Cece. I really can’t take it.” I was speaking the truth. My heart was just beginning to piece itself back together. “But, I’ll do anything to make it. I’ll do anything to get us out of here.”

Cece smiled then. “That’s what I need to hear.”

She pulled a map from her back pocket and opened it up for our view.

“Here’s the plan.”

* * * * *

That night at dinner a sort of burial process began. I mentally made a list of all the things in my mind that I loved about Alex(yes, that I loved about him).

Here’s what those things were:

1. The way his lips curl into a smile whenever I walk in his direction.
2. The puttering of my heart whenever his fingers touch my skin.
3. The way his eyes shine in their crystal blue when he laughs(and the way his eyes snake to me whenever I’ve made the joke)
4. The scar that still stayed in my shoulder from when he’d shot me. A permanent reminder of how we’d met, no matter how much that moment hurt.
5. The way we protected each other in battle, working in sync with every potential immortal bite.

And the list went on and on in my mind, I kept on naming and naming until my heart ached even more.

I swirled my fork around the mashes potatoes at our noisy table, just thinking of him.

He’d betrayed us. He’d betrayed me. He’d lied and said he cared. It could be understood that he had a past that made him fearful, but this was something past that. It was as if the person we’d gone on this great journey with was a lie. He’d pulled the mask from his face and revealed a boy trembling in a corner, too afraid to delve into the darkness.

He’d lied to Clarissa. What would he had done if she’d been here the entire time? Would he have told her to her face that he wasn’t moving on? That he couldn’t find the courage to do so?

It was baffling. Like running Track in the Olympics after training so hard, then dropping the baton just inches before the finish line.

It hurt. It crushed, snapped bones to places they should have never been.

“So, it’s going to be you and Jasmine on the mission tomorrow?” Kyle asked.

He seemed friendly enough now that he was a part of our group, a good listener, easy to let things known to, and Ashton had been right to know that he’d keep a secret. He had every reason to want to be a part of what we were doing.

I was lost in thought for a while until it seemed time for everyone to clear their plates away.

“Kyle?” I let my fork rest to the tray and now it was just us two at the table. “I’m sorry I voted no for you.”

He smiled blazingly. “It’s okay. I guessed it was some sort of crazy reason, like you didn’t like me or something.”

I sighed. “It’s not that. I just had a feeling about Alex and…”

He held his hands up, even more understanding than I’d expected.

“Don’t worry. I know what it feels like to try and figure out what the other person is thinking. Look at me and Cece for example.”

My eyebrows rose. “You still like her?”

He nodded meekly. I could make out the rose colored blotch that went to his cheeks.

“I do, a lot. And I know I messed up. I know I was a jerk and I sucked overall. Antoinette being gone made me realize that. Sometimes I can be a horrible, pushover of a person. But, I want to prove her wrong. I want to prove myself wrong.”

My heart heated up a bit at that. He cared about Cece.

“And I plan to do it at the dance tomorrow, before you and her go out on your big mission, I’m going to make it up to her. It’s gonna be a big surprise. I’ve been talking to Ashley about it. She’s pretty leery on me too, but I’m gonna prove them wrong.”

“And what about me?” I asked.

“Do I think you like me?” I nodded, seeing that he understood the friendly nature of my question. “I always had a feeling you saw right through me, just like Antoinette does.”

He always spoke of his sister in the present tense. Something inside me made me want to believe she was still alive, give him someone to fight for.

“Well, you’re right.”

He smiled back at me, and then the twinkling from his eyes dimmed. “But, you’ll forgive Alex, won’t you?”

I clasped my hands together and inhaled deeply. It felt like I was Cece and he was, well Kyle.He was seeing his hopes through me, hoping I'd be the Cece that would forgive him.

“I don’t know. It’ll take some time, a lot of time especially after what happened today.”

“Well, I better get off to sleep then. Big day tomorrow.” He went off with a goodbye and I just sat there thinking.

Kyle was right. Tomorrow would be a big day.