Glass

I've been homeless for a few years now. Living on the streets. Sure it's hard, but after awhile you learn things, important things. Like where you can leave your box and no one will mess with it. Or the dark places that are actually not any darker then any other alley at night, but you stay clear because... Well let's just say I had friend, well not just a friend. He was someone I trusted and he was more like a sleeping buddy (you don't just sleep with anyone).

Ew, not that kind. He was just a person who on cold nights I'd share my box (or his, depending on who had the cleanest, newest one) with because that was the only way to survive the cold, and windy nights. You kind of have to have a buddy system in place, in order to survive the life out here. You just have to be careful who you buddy-up with. Him and I ended up becoming friends after so many nights of having no one to talk to be each other.

Anyway, my friend, he went into one of those places and when he came back out he just wasn't the same. Then one night while we were sleeping in the park I woke up in the middle of the night and he was gone. And then a few weeks later I found out that he was killed, supposedly over drugs. But I knew him, he'd never do drugs.

I mean, yeah, there's a lot of homeless people out here that do drugs. They medicate themselves with anything they can find to get away from all the pain they've dealt with throughout their lives. But we weren't like that. He wasn't like that. Well, sure I've (and most likely him as well) wanted to try some, and I got pretty close a few times when I was having a particularly rough night.

But I never did, because as much as I knew my mother would be devastated that I was now on the streets, if she were alive right now she would have been utterly heartbroken and probably murderous if I had ever done drugs. Plus I know that one day I'm not going to be living off of garbage and strangers' scraps. I'm going to have a good job that pays good money. And maybe I'll even have a family one day. With a dog and a house.

Even though people I've met on the streets try to tell me that my mother never cared about me. That I'm a nobody. That I'm nothing. And sometimes, I almost believe them. I know it's not true. I know, because I remember when I was little what my mother told me before she died. She told me that she loved me, and she'd never stop loving me. And that she wished she could have been better at providing for me.

She told me to not listen to people who have hate in their hearts. That those people are suffering from something that I don't understand and to not hold it against them. She told me that I was her sweet, baby boy, and that I'll always be her baby. She said that she was sorry, and I told her that she didn't need to be. That I loved her no matter what. And that I'd make her feel better with kisses. '"Cause kisses always make you feel better," I'd said.

But my kisses didn't heal her. My kisses didn't save her life. My kisses didn't take the pain away from being raped by someone she thought she could trust. My kisses didn't take away the pain from dying from AIDS. My kisses weren't enough. My eight-year-old love wasn't enough.

I promised her that I would take care of myself. And that if I ever saw anyone that needed my help that I wouldn't hesitate, because it was the right thing to do. That even though a lot people haven't helped us, that I'll forgive them.

I know that if she could see me now that she would blame herself. I did, for awhile. I was angry. Angry that my mother got stolen from me. Angry that no one else cared that I got forgotten and abandoned. Left to live on my own and take care of myself. Though I wasn't always on the streets, I had a few foster homes. But those weren't any better. Just filled with more people with hateful hearts and damaged souls that didn't care.

So I live my life, I survive because I know that one day I'll be able to save enough money to get my own place. I'll be able to live a life rid of filth and hunger, and fear. Because if there was one thing I learned from my mother it was how to survive this world that's full of anger, and doubt, and terror, and hate. It's to just... survive the best that you can and remember how to love, laugh, smile, learn, and grow. Within all of the evil, survive by knowing that there's hope, you just have to grasp it and never let go.