No Way to Say Goodbye.

“How much do you love me?” Her laughter was so golden.

Making my arms extend as far as my body would let me without ripping out I responded, “this much.”

Looking up at me, Bethany leaned back onto the sand laughing. I was blocking the sun from her eyes while we shared a day together at the beach. Everything had gone perfectly that day so far; I attempted at making her breakfast and when that failed, I took her to my favorite spot in the forest. It was past the hot springs, yet not too much more farther.

It was a small clearing with a stream, and by the edge of the water is where some wild daisies had grown. Picking off the petals and casting them into the water, Bethany snuggled closer to my side and announced she loved me. Yes, she had said it first. However, I was silent until in the openness of the beach where my thoughts could roam free did I whisper sweetly that I love her as well.

That night though, Bethany had gotten pretty sick; she had claimed she was sick during the day but if it was a day spent with me, she wouldn’t ever decline. She had actually been sick for a while, sadly. The next morning, Bethany called me from the doctor’s office. Her mother had stepped out of the room, patting my shoulders on the way out. Anxiety swept over my body as I rushed over to Beth.

“What’s wrong Beth? What is it, huh?” I rubbed her fingers in my own.

Laughing to not break her guard, she let out a few cries, “I’m pretty sick Jake.” She went on to explain that she’d been throwing up all night and by the morning had gotten an excruciating headache. That they found some particles of blood in her throw up because of a small clot in her brain not giving enough oxygen.

“But you’ll be okay… right? There’s a whole load of med—“ I was stopped by her hand cupping under my chin.

It took her a while to shake her head, “no Jake. I’ve got three months.”

Jolting awake, I was relieved to see that the sun was up in the sky and that Hannah’s face was calm as the morning river. She had a small smile on, and as I watched her back rise and fall peacefully so did my own. Trying to quietly get up I jogged over to the bathroom where I sprayed some water on my face. That dream was totally uncalled for and the more I tried to get Bethany out of my mind, the more I tried to have my life again, to forget her it, was as if the more Beth came back. Was I trying too hard then?

Laying back down beside Hannah, all I could do was stare at her. I etched closer towards her, surprised that I hadn’t woke her up. I laid a soft kiss to her forehead before going back to sleep as well.

Hannah’s phone soon started to ring loudly, causing me to wake up. She was still sound asleep, it hadn’t even disturbed her. Seeing that it was her grandparents calling, I had no problem answering. Maggie had asked where Hannah was, and I said still asleep. So Maggie said that she would be there in an hour. She wanted to get some things for Hannah first. Hanging up, I set the phone back on the table only to see those eyes wide open.

Those eyes, that in the very instant sparked something inside of me. It wasn’t what I was used to but something much stronger. I think it was then I realized… I was indeed falling even more for Hannah. Like I was letting her enter inside of my heart, inside of my soul and most importantly inside of my crazed, dysfunctional mind. Kind of scary, really.

“Morning,” I softly smiled.

She yawned, “you’re still here?”

Yes, I thought. She must have see the expression on my face because she laughed. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know. Thought you might have gone home.”

“Nope. You can’t get rid of me that easily,” I said simply lying there.

She tapped the tip of my nose before saying, “Jacob Black, easy? Huh, now there’s a thought.”

Finding myself to smile, it was unbelievable that she was still able to make jokes when she seemed to be in pain. Pain that I allowed to let happen therefore I am half to blame. I made a promise to protect this one and I hadn’t. Who knows what could have happened. Hannah could have hit her head against the rock instead… erasing her memory. Of me, of us. Now that I couldn’t live with.

“Yes well…” I stumbled failing in finding a comeback to her statement.

Rolling her eyes, she asked me to help her up. She did wince a few times as I stood her to her feet which caused me to cringe from causing the pain, initially of course. It was also sort of cute to see her walk like an old woman. Though, she didn’t like when I commented on it. She said something along the lines of ‘screw you,’ but being the guy that I am I just had to counteract by slyly sneaking in, “when?”

Turning her head to glare up at me, I gave a goofy grin. In response she laughed and linked her arm with mine and pulled us closer together. As I helped her walk down the short stairs, I had my head resting on hers all the way into the placid kitchen where Sam sat. I nodded over towards him, as he looked at Hannah.

“How’re you feeling Hannah?” He asked, quite sadly.

“Eh, had better days. Thanks a lot Sam,” she blushed.

He gave a few quick nods before getting up and retrieving to the stairs, leaving Hannah and I to eat alone. Personally, I liked the silence between us. It was an utmost catharsis to watch Hannah’s breathing while I leaned back in my chair. Her hair was slightly ruffled in one spot which caused me to mutely laugh. For some reason, I just could not get this smile off of my face either, like it was now permanently going to stay.

Taking a drink of her water, Hannah slowly turned her head to face me. She tilted it as much as it would go before asking quietly, “are you going to eat something?”

“Nah, not too hungry,” I replied honestly and watched her bob her head a few time before looking down at her food.

There was a faint knock at the door; Sam let Hannah’s grandparents inside in which they rushed over to inspect their beloved granddaughter. It took a minute for Hannah to stand, but I let her us my forearm as a balance. Maggie placed her hands on the sides of her granddaughter’s face before pulling her into a hug. Addison thanked Sam before walking out, and I followed so I could say bye to her.

Once safely in the back seat, I felt my heart fade from the tortured look on her face. Hannah had no choice but to sit up, probably making it even worse was the cloth seats rubbing against it. Not caring about her grandparents’ eyes watching, I peeled off my shirt and handed it to her. When I helped put it on, I grinned. It was a little big for her but I’m sure it was a lot better than exposure.

“See you soon,” I whispered before kissing the corner of her mouth.



Sam said that the moment I heard from Hannah, or if anyone knew for that matter then I would be able to stop patrolling. However, it was literally eating me up to be parading throughout the area thinking about her; knowing that Embry could hear all of my thoughts, I whined apologetically. He rubbed up against my fur. He told me that it was alright and that he understood. Of course he had to make it a joke and think: just this one time though, before he barked.

Huffing my way over to my spot, it was like I had seen in my dream. There were still some wild flowers around the water’s edge, except they looked slightly wilted. Sitting on the cool grass, I found myself thinking about how I worry too much. My gaze was focused on the water at hand, and I groaned at myself for being such a whiner.

Was I really happy being with Hannah? When I wasn’t labeled as her boyfriend my thoughts and dreams about Beth hadn’t been so frequent. Why was I continuously. . . lingering? Sadly, I was beginning to call myself on being so miserable. Twisted up inside, and acting a certain way on the outside wasn’t working for me so well. But what was a lonely wolf to do? Fake oneself?

Shaking my furry head I got up to go find Embry. Of course, he was lounging on some giant rock soaking the left up sun into his coat. Trying my hardest to be in a lighter mood, I walked over with my head lowered.

My pelt’s prettier, I thought with a playful growl.

Leaning up slightly he glared. Your fur looks like the dirt I walk on.

Ouch.

I was joking Jake. How was your spot? He asked, and I swore he had on a wolfish smile.

Quite gloomily I answered, same as it was. . . eight months ago, before stalking off back into the darkness of the forest.

A few days of constant patrol was when Paul, Quil and Sam had joined. Freaking out, I asked who was going to be there if Hannah were to call. Sam calmly told me that Emily was there and would let us know when we had gotten back from our newly longer scout, suggesting that it would be best if Hannah got some rest above all. Rolling my eyes, I walked a few feet away from them and laid among the dirt.

It was as if I were in slow motion during those three days. Sam and Paul would zoom by one way. Then Paul would come back walking beside Quil or Embry. All I did was lie there and watch the days creep by, occasionally helping. Seth had finally joined the second day but I wasn’t in the mood to hear him blame himself because he didn’t look after Hannah.

With the sun starting to grow fainter I grew even more anxious. Was Hannah alright? It had been three days, afterall. Had she called? And if she did call, would she have been mad that I hadn’t returned them because of a stupid trail we had to follow? I was getting agitated and I could feel it prickling every single hair on my body.

Hey Jacob. Come here. Sam called, and by the sound of his voice I scraped my paws along the earth, making haste as to where he was.

All four of them were huddled around the trail. As if on cue, one by one they turned their heads to look over at me. Searching through their heads, looking into their eyes, all I could really pay attention to was them all looking over towards the tiny path that lead from my home to Sam’s.

What the hell is she doing? I grumbled violently.

Be nice, maybe she wanted to come and surprise you. Let you know she was alright. Quil defended looking from me and then back towards Hannah.

My breathing had become short and quick. Then it sort of clicked. Just how perfect it was that she wanted to see me in wolf form. Well, ask and she shall receive. Sam told me to tame myself before going, even if he wasn’t too fond of me making an appearance, he knew he wouldn’t have been able to stop me.



Watching her walk, she did look a lot better. Besides, it had been three days. I should have expected her to come anyway. I mean, if I were in her situation I would be running to see her the moment I got out of that bloody hospital. Her grandparents probably made her stay at home for awhile and sleep, I thought which simmered my anger.

She must have been watching where she was going, because her face was very focused on the ground. Her hair was in a braid, and pulled to the side—immediately causing me to holt. It struck me as one of the things Bethany would do. Damn it, I thought as I looked back over to the group of guys watching my every move.

I decided the best way was to walk behind her. Maybe make a sound, or something that way if she fell it wouldn’t be on her back. However, I didn’t really like it when I made the behind image of her flash through my head; it allocated the guys (except for Sam) to hassle me even more. Wolf whistles, they're called. Glaring upwards at them, I shook my head. They were such idiots sometimes.

Hearing her mumble to herself on what she was exactly going to say to me was rather enjoyable. I was sort of groveling in it. Seeing a perfect branch to break, I flopped on my behind and swatted at it like it was nothing making Hannah stop dead in her tracks. Both of her hands fumbled with the braid as she managed to turn around very carefully.

I wasn’t sure if she could see it, but I was definitely raising an eyebrow. However, she seemed to be in some state of shock. She backed up a few steps, and I could literally smell the fear radiating off of her small body. Slinking her way, I inched towards her. I knew I was being somewhat of an asshole right now, but it wasn’t alright for her to be in here without someone knowing. Most importantly, without me knowing.

“Nice wolf,” she whispered.

Cocking my head to the side, I landed my bottom against the floor once more with a ‘humph’ sound. I was heavily debating on whether transforming back, I was angry enough to without hesitation but I wouldn’t have any clothing on. So, wagering the pros and cons of each, I decided to let out a bark and rub the dirt repeatedly.

Inspecting me for a few minutes Hannah uneasily made a step closer. At least it was progress, right? Sooner than later she did come into closer contact with me. Shakily, Hannah stuck out her arm. It was funny, really. It looked as if she was trying to disconnect her arms from her body, in fear I might bite it off or something. With her eyes closed shut, seeing the wrinkles from on her skin from squeezing them so hard I decided to meet her the rest of the way.

Her petite hand found its way to the top of my head. Peeking an eye open, Hannah let out a breath she must have been holding in and became very serious. Her chest was heaving, and I could sense the nervousness around her. I moved my head to the side so she could rub under my chin. Getting the hint, she began to scratch it. Finding myself to like the feeling, I closed my eyes and rumbled in my throat. However, what happened next was something that I am sure neither I, Hannah or the guys watching will forget.

A few birds gawked loudly, causing Hannah to scream and jump which reacted my senses and since the last thing I was thinking about was whether I should turn back to my human form, that was what happened. Shredding into my human form, all I could focus on was how huge Hannah’s eyes had gotten.

Her lip began to quiver gently, as she came up to me and placed a nice smack on my cheek. My head locked to the side, as my chest also bounced up and down ferociously. I wasn’t angry that she slapped me across the face but to be honest it did hurt.

When I did make eye contact, she had backed far away from me. I tried to take a step forward. She gulped loudly, and by the time her eyes got to the middle of my chest she clamped them shut and pointed.

“Jake,” she shouted. “You’re—you’re naked.”

Feeling some heat rise in that area as well as in my face, I was thanking the lord above me when Quil and Embry slid down the slope by the path and tossed me some shorts. Yanking them on swiftly, I silently walked up to her still breathing like a mad man. Honestly, her seeing me nude was the least of my concern, heck we were halfway there all she needed was no clothing.

Unaware that I was now standing in front of her, I scanned over her body absentmindedly. Just checking her thoroughly, “what are you doing out here Hannah?” I said sternly.

“Sorry,” she pleaded.

I shook my head, “no. No sorry. Answer my question.”

“I came to see you,” she replied lowering her head.

“By yourself? Out here—vulnerable,” I was getting angry so I gripped some hair in my fists and paced back a forth a few times.

Coming and placing a hand to my arm she spoke softly, “why, is it bad out here?”

“Yes, Hannah. Yes!”

Still looking downwards, she took her hand off of my arms and stepped to the other side of me before saying, “you’re—well you’re a pretty wolf,” and walking from which she came.

“Oh no you don’t,” I jogged up to her quickly and grabbed her arm to spin her around. “You’re not leaving now.”

“Let go,” she demanded kind of harshly yanking her arm free.

By this time all of the guys had come down to my side. I kept my focus on Hannah, though. Even if Sam was pulling me back from walking towards her I wasn’t going to stop. I was too involved in the subject to just let it drop. She was here and since she’d come all this way I wasn’t going to let her leave.

“Hannah, stop. Please—“ I tried to ask once more but she cut me off, holding up a hand for me to stop.

“I get it, you’re busy and I accept that.” She actually walked up to me before finishing, “I just wanted to wish you—a happy birthday,” and tip toed to give me a quick peck to my cheek.

Talk about making your heart stop. Had I truly forgotten my own damn birthday because of patrolling? All of the guys around me made awkward shuffles next to me, before telling me they were sorry and wishing me a happy birthday. Hannah told me not to follow her, and to get some rest because obviously if I forgot my own birthday then that wasn’t good. Hesitant to listen, I proceeded towards her until Sam gripped my upper hard and firmly told me to come with them.

“Shit,” I cursed loudly running a hand on the top of my head.

The moment Sam let go, I ripped into wolf form and ran to the edge just to make sure that she had made it to her truck. Whining, I saw her kick the nearby tree stump. I turned away and when I heard the door slam shut, I looked back and watched until she was completely gone.