Your mind is the scariest place

My mum sat with a man, talking while she poured him some coffee, I sat at the table and greeted the familiar man.

“Mr T” I said.

“Rachel” he greeted “How are those fingers?”

I placed my hands in my lap and under the table “I don’t get much practise in” I commented.

“Too bad” he sipped from the mug my mum gave to him. She looked a little uncomfortable.

He was my piano teacher, or more like mentor. Actually if we really want to establish who he is, he’s a frustrated musician who pushed his life supressing methods onto me. I trained and practised since I was 10 and last year I finally knew I had enough. It didn’t end well, to say the least.

The fact that I had classical music shoved down my throat for most of my life made me want to fuck it all, that’s when the rebelling happened, and everything just fell into place from there.

When he finally left I headed straight into the kitchen to interrogate my mum.

“And what the hell was that?” I poked the question at her.

“I just called to see if you want to practise again”

I hung my head back and closed my eyes “Mum, I’m not going back there”

“You were just, happier then”

“That’s because you and Dad resided in the same house, and I was off every other night just because I couldn’t stand being contained by that maniac”

“I really wish I didn’t let you study psychology” she sighed.

“Just because I know you better than you do, isn’t a reason to resent something that keeps me grounded”

“It’s just a waste Rachel” she stated sharply “It’s a waste, and you know that, and I know you miss it”

I hated, to my core that I knew she was right. And just like the 10 year old I knew was inside me I stormed off out the door to grab my bike.

I was aimless in my endeavour and I knew when the sky grew darker my mum would get worried. I turned down a familiar alley and dropped my bike on the ground next to me. My head in my knees and someone’s voice probing me.

“Need a ride?” Wil sat next to me and lit up a cigarette.

“That would be lovely” I turned my head to the side to look at him.

“It’s pretty late, you shouldn’t be around here”

“I ride here nearly every night at 2am” I stated.

His eyes widened “So you’re the rattling I hear every night” he smiled.

“Am I that loud?” I chuckled.

“C’mon” he got up and started to walk my bike out the alley, I followed.

The cigarette between his lips burned and the smoke filled the air, once we were in his car he drove in the direction of our street.

I told him to take a left, he did so but then commented.

“Pretty sure you’re going the wrong way” he informed me sarcastically.

“Pretty sure were not going home” i retorted, he flicked his cigarette out the window.

We shortly arrived at a heavily lit place, were everyone screamed with excitement and fairy floss was an acceptable meal. The place was old; the paint on the rides peeled off in some places and the rollercoaster was shut down. To sum it up, the place looked like it was built in the 1960s and just left here.

He got out of the car, put out his cigarette and then looked at me.

“C’mon” I got out and he walked beside me. He watched me as I looked around, watching the lights, and trying to forget about having to go back home.

“You come here often?” he led be toward the old merry-go round.

“Yeah” I answered sweet and short.

“Any particular reason?” he probed.

“I might tell you that reason a little later” I explained, he looked at me and smiled.

“Cool”

The merry-go round stopped and the children’s faces dropped instantly, their turn was over and the operator ushered them off the horses.

“Wannameet someone?”

“Uh, sure” he answered hesitantly.

I walked over to the operator of the merry go round and punched the helmet he was wearing. He always wore a helmet, he hated working around kids and he was just guy I could count on.

“Whaddup Helmet” I greeted “They still got you working on the merry go round?” I laughed.
He turned with a lollypop in his mouth “I stop the roller coaster mid loop one time, and now they won’t let me do anything else”

I shook my head in fake disapproval “I really don’t see the reasoning behind that”

I stepped aside and Helmet caught sight of Wil, he gave him a nod.

“Hey” he greeted.

“I’m Wil” he introduced himself.

“Helmet” he answered back, he spoke into the microphone, telling the kids to stay put for the whole ride and then pressed some buttons before he got it moving.

“Wannago next?” he asked, biting at the lollypop in his mouth.

I nodded and smiled at Wil, he chuckled at my excited expression and after the round was done we took our seats.

All it did was revolve again and again, but I still felt like I was going somewhere, and I still felt like I escaped for just a bit. I lay my head on the pole and held onto the horse tightly as I watched the theme park pass by me again and again. The music always made me smile and when it stopped, I felt like a kid again, my face dropping as it came to an end.

Wil looked at me strangely and then jerked his head to the side, telling me it was time to go. I shook my head and left the merry go round, I smacked Helmets helmet before I left and hugged him goodbye.

>>>

Even when I lay down, I could feel myself going round and round, it was like I was still in that place, still away from the chaos and still a kid. I guess the thing I loved most about being a kid, was the naïve lens I had over my eyes, I hated the day that lens fell away, leaving me to stare separation in the face, my parents divorced. And I finally understood the world had its bad side.

The music didn’t leave my mind either, it rang beautifully, and it sounded so real. It hit a flat note, again and again. I opened my eyes to find the music wasn’t just a stunt of my imagination. I stood rubbing my forehead and leaning out my always open window to see that guy. The music stopped and he put down the violin abruptly. He couldn’t seem to get it; he turned to the window and leaned his head out of it.

“Take it bar by bar” I whispered.

He jerked his head up in shock and saw it was me. A smiled may have curled his lips, but I couldn’t quite see. His messy hair was dark and as he turned his head to the side to stretch his neck, his jaw made a shadow. He looked like Wil, but not really.

“You keep hitting a flat cause you’re going too fast” I told him.

I could clearly see the amused smile on his face; he then jerked his head back to talk to someone behind him. Their voices sounded so alike, he rolled his eyes and looked back at me.

“I’m being forced to sleep” he reported.

“Shame” I said.

“The names Ryan, by the way” he whispered before I ducked out from my open window.

“Rachel” I said.

I then slithered into bed to hear him pick up his violin again, obviously disobeying the person who told him to go to bed. The music made its way into my dream, where I sat on that merry go round, seeing through the eyes of my younger self.