New Born Life Replaces All Of Us
2/2
“Until next time….” I trailed off into the microphone as Syn and Zacky finished the extra measures we’d added to ‘Unholy Confessions’ for live shows. I threw my empty water bottle out into the crowd for kids to fight over as the strobe lights flickered. My best friends threw their picks and drumsticks out to the crowd as we trickled off the stage.
“Has Val gotten here yet?” I asked Jason as he handed me a towel to wipe my face off with.
“Sorry man, she’s probably stuck in traffic.”
I sighed into the towel. Val was never late, in fact, she was usually early.
“Yeah, I guess so.” I agreed. I almost said something had happened to her, but the guys kept getting on my case about how I was being paranoid. Even though we’d been on tour over the past eight months, I’d called Val every day throughout the pregnancy. Tonight would be our first night back, since tonight’s show was in Long Beach.
I kept thinking about Val the whole time I helped the roadies take apart our stage equipment. I couldn’t sit there and drink with the rest of the guys knowing something was wrong. I ended up pacing around the area where the mosh pits were about an hour later. The roadies had long since gone home or joined my band mates in their small after party. I just wanted Val to come running, err waddling, through the doors and straight into my arms. Then we’d talk about the baby. Val wanted it to be a surprise, so we didn’t know the sex of our little Matt or Val yet.
“Hey dude, your phone’s ringing off the hook.” Johnny slurred as he came up to me. It didn’t surprise me that he was already tipsy. It wasn’t that he was a light weight; he’d just been drinking since before the concert had started.
I flipped open the tiny, silver communication device that he handed to me. “Hello?”
“Matt, honey, you need to get down here right now!” Debbie DiBenedetto panicked into the phone.
“Debbie?” I questioned, “What’s wrong?”
“There’s been an accident.” My face paled, my mind thinking the worst. “Just, just get down here.” She finished. Before I could reply, my ear was met with the dial tone.
“What’s a matter?” Johnny somehow noticed my dilemma in his drunken state.
“I don’t know. She hung up on me.” I snapped. “Go get the guys, we’re leaving!” I all but ran to our tour bus. The only thing going through my mind was Val. Was she okay? Was the baby okay? What the hell happened?
I paced in front of the driver’s side door of one of the black SUV’s we’d rented. Zacky just had to have the keys. What the hell was taking them so long?
“Hey man, let me drive tonight.” Brian placed a hand on my shoulder, stopping me from moving.
“You’ve had some drinks.” I challenged, making a move for the keys in his hand.
“One beer doesn’t even affect me, you should know that by now. So why don’t you sit your ass in that car instead of fighting with me?” He calmly stated, daring me to challenge him with my eyes.
“You know where you’re going?” I grumbled and got in the passenger seat. The others were already in the back. They probably snuck in during that little argument.
“Yeah, Michelle texted me.” He started up and drove the car towards HB, either just on the speed limit or ten miles over it. But it never seamed to get me to Val soon enough.
The vehicle hadn’t even stopped in front of the emergency room entrance, and I was already out of the car and running towards the front desk. Johnny, Jimmy, and Zacky found me pacing while I waited for the nurse to get off the fucking phone. Debbie came running through a smaller set of doors off to the side.
“Matt!” She cried and launched herself into my arms. “They won’t tell us anything!”
“What?” Questions started tumbling out of my head. “Why? What happened?”
Debbie took a deep breath before starting, “Val. It’s Val. She was on her way to the concert when a motorcyclist’s brakes failed and he plowed right into her. They won’t tell us anything! Anything!”
Jimmy, seeing the scene play out, came to my aid. “Hey, lets all stay calm. Debbie, why don’t you take us to wherever Nick and Michelle are and we’ll all wait together. The last thing Val needs right now is for us to go running around like fucking chickens with their heads cut off.”
He led Debbie in the direction she came. She wiped her eyes and led us through the E.R. waiting room doors and into a smaller, more private, waiting room where Nick was holding a sobbing Michelle. Brian immediately went to Michelle’s side and scooped her into his arms, whispering sweet nothings into her ear. Nick sighed and rubbed his face, clearly stressed out.
I couldn’t take this. Val was my rock, the love of my life, my inspiration. We’d been best friends since sixth fucking grade, and a couple since ninth. Hell, we were gonna be parents! I placed my hand on my pocket and collapsed into a chair away from everybody else’s. I was a wreck and needed to be alone.
“Family of Valary DiBenedetto?” An extremely old doctor walked in. He had to be in his late sixties, or early seventies, because of his full white beard and wrinkled face. He reminded me of the typical Santa Claus, except a lot skinner.
“You’re looking at them,” Johnny stated. He had to have sobered up quick on the ride over here.
The doctor sighed, but didn’t argue with all of us heavily tattooed men. “Valary, as many of you know, was in a car accident approximately six and a half hours ago. She was conscious and alert when wheeled into the E.R. Because she was thirty eight weeks pregnant, we preformed an emergency C-Section to increase the chances of survival for her and the baby. Emma Marie Sanders was born at 12:34 A.M., December 11, 2006, at five pounds even.”
A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I was a Daddy! A Daddy! A smiled formed its way onto my face as I thought about all the things Val and I would do with her. But with that thought, my grin went right back into a frown.
“What about Val?” I asked, my voice cracking.
“Unfortunately, Mrs. DiBenedetto wasn’t as lucky. After naming the child she lapsed into a coma. Then her heart completely stopped. We tried everything manageable, but she wasn’t able to be revived.”
Time stopped in my brain. Val was gone. It just wasn’t possible. My best friend, my girlfriend, my soul mate was gone. I thought about the ring in my pocket. I would never get to propose.
As the doctor talked about funeral arrangements and such, I closed my eyes and put my head in my hands. I saw her smile, heard her laugh, felt her feather light touch. There was no way she was gone, it just wasn’t possible. Someone placed a hand on my back, just letting me know they were there as silent tears cascaded down my face. I could barely take care of myself, so how was I supposed to take care of a baby?
“Mr. Sanders?” A female voice called after a while. I wiped my eyes to rid my blurry vision before looking up. Jimmy sat beside me, tears leaking from his eyes, as well as the eyes of all of our friends and family in the room.
The nurse in the door way offered a small smile, “Would you like to see your daughter?”
Could I see her? Could I handle seeing her? I looked at Jimmy, who patted my back and mouthed ‘Go’. If he thought I could do this, then I could. I had to try, if not for me, for Val.
“Go on man, see your kid. We’ll be here when you get back.” Brian spoke, encouraging me to go.
With the silent support of all my loved ones, I quietly got up and followed the nurse through the hospital. We ended up in a room with a few clear plastic baby beds, three had blue blankets and only one had pink. My breath hitched. That was my daughter. Somewhere in that pink blanket was my child. After washing my hands, the nurse handed me the bundle of pink blankets.
Emma was so beautiful. There was no way I’d help create this tiny little creature in my arms. She stared up at me with a mixture of Val’s and my eyes. Her pink face was all Val, but her cute little baby smile showed off the dimples she’d inherited from me.
“Hey Emma,” I whispered. I smiled even though she didn’t respond. I shifted her in my arms more, trying to hold her the way my Mom taught me when Amy was born. “I’m your Daddy.”
I didn’t know if the nurse had left or not, but I didn’t care. All that mattered was Emma. I made faces at her while I tried to fix the little white cap that covered her head. I smiled down at her, “Your mommy loves you so much.”
Tears started to fall but I continued anyway, needing to make a couple of hours old baby understand my feelings. “She can’t be here, but she’s always with both of us. Always. Just know that we love you so much baby girl.”’
I sniffled, “You look just like her, you know that? I’ll have to chase away boys when you’re older. I won’t let anything happen to you, I promise. I’ll be the best Daddy in the history of rock star Daddies, just you wait and see.” My voice got softer and softer as Emma’s eyes drooped more and more.
“I love you baby girl, so much.” I kissed her forehead and watched her sleep. I swear I heard Val’s voice whispering to us both, I love you.
“Has Val gotten here yet?” I asked Jason as he handed me a towel to wipe my face off with.
“Sorry man, she’s probably stuck in traffic.”
I sighed into the towel. Val was never late, in fact, she was usually early.
“Yeah, I guess so.” I agreed. I almost said something had happened to her, but the guys kept getting on my case about how I was being paranoid. Even though we’d been on tour over the past eight months, I’d called Val every day throughout the pregnancy. Tonight would be our first night back, since tonight’s show was in Long Beach.
I kept thinking about Val the whole time I helped the roadies take apart our stage equipment. I couldn’t sit there and drink with the rest of the guys knowing something was wrong. I ended up pacing around the area where the mosh pits were about an hour later. The roadies had long since gone home or joined my band mates in their small after party. I just wanted Val to come running, err waddling, through the doors and straight into my arms. Then we’d talk about the baby. Val wanted it to be a surprise, so we didn’t know the sex of our little Matt or Val yet.
“Hey dude, your phone’s ringing off the hook.” Johnny slurred as he came up to me. It didn’t surprise me that he was already tipsy. It wasn’t that he was a light weight; he’d just been drinking since before the concert had started.
I flipped open the tiny, silver communication device that he handed to me. “Hello?”
“Matt, honey, you need to get down here right now!” Debbie DiBenedetto panicked into the phone.
“Debbie?” I questioned, “What’s wrong?”
“There’s been an accident.” My face paled, my mind thinking the worst. “Just, just get down here.” She finished. Before I could reply, my ear was met with the dial tone.
“What’s a matter?” Johnny somehow noticed my dilemma in his drunken state.
“I don’t know. She hung up on me.” I snapped. “Go get the guys, we’re leaving!” I all but ran to our tour bus. The only thing going through my mind was Val. Was she okay? Was the baby okay? What the hell happened?
I paced in front of the driver’s side door of one of the black SUV’s we’d rented. Zacky just had to have the keys. What the hell was taking them so long?
“Hey man, let me drive tonight.” Brian placed a hand on my shoulder, stopping me from moving.
“You’ve had some drinks.” I challenged, making a move for the keys in his hand.
“One beer doesn’t even affect me, you should know that by now. So why don’t you sit your ass in that car instead of fighting with me?” He calmly stated, daring me to challenge him with my eyes.
“You know where you’re going?” I grumbled and got in the passenger seat. The others were already in the back. They probably snuck in during that little argument.
“Yeah, Michelle texted me.” He started up and drove the car towards HB, either just on the speed limit or ten miles over it. But it never seamed to get me to Val soon enough.
The vehicle hadn’t even stopped in front of the emergency room entrance, and I was already out of the car and running towards the front desk. Johnny, Jimmy, and Zacky found me pacing while I waited for the nurse to get off the fucking phone. Debbie came running through a smaller set of doors off to the side.
“Matt!” She cried and launched herself into my arms. “They won’t tell us anything!”
“What?” Questions started tumbling out of my head. “Why? What happened?”
Debbie took a deep breath before starting, “Val. It’s Val. She was on her way to the concert when a motorcyclist’s brakes failed and he plowed right into her. They won’t tell us anything! Anything!”
Jimmy, seeing the scene play out, came to my aid. “Hey, lets all stay calm. Debbie, why don’t you take us to wherever Nick and Michelle are and we’ll all wait together. The last thing Val needs right now is for us to go running around like fucking chickens with their heads cut off.”
He led Debbie in the direction she came. She wiped her eyes and led us through the E.R. waiting room doors and into a smaller, more private, waiting room where Nick was holding a sobbing Michelle. Brian immediately went to Michelle’s side and scooped her into his arms, whispering sweet nothings into her ear. Nick sighed and rubbed his face, clearly stressed out.
I couldn’t take this. Val was my rock, the love of my life, my inspiration. We’d been best friends since sixth fucking grade, and a couple since ninth. Hell, we were gonna be parents! I placed my hand on my pocket and collapsed into a chair away from everybody else’s. I was a wreck and needed to be alone.
“Family of Valary DiBenedetto?” An extremely old doctor walked in. He had to be in his late sixties, or early seventies, because of his full white beard and wrinkled face. He reminded me of the typical Santa Claus, except a lot skinner.
“You’re looking at them,” Johnny stated. He had to have sobered up quick on the ride over here.
The doctor sighed, but didn’t argue with all of us heavily tattooed men. “Valary, as many of you know, was in a car accident approximately six and a half hours ago. She was conscious and alert when wheeled into the E.R. Because she was thirty eight weeks pregnant, we preformed an emergency C-Section to increase the chances of survival for her and the baby. Emma Marie Sanders was born at 12:34 A.M., December 11, 2006, at five pounds even.”
A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I was a Daddy! A Daddy! A smiled formed its way onto my face as I thought about all the things Val and I would do with her. But with that thought, my grin went right back into a frown.
“What about Val?” I asked, my voice cracking.
“Unfortunately, Mrs. DiBenedetto wasn’t as lucky. After naming the child she lapsed into a coma. Then her heart completely stopped. We tried everything manageable, but she wasn’t able to be revived.”
Time stopped in my brain. Val was gone. It just wasn’t possible. My best friend, my girlfriend, my soul mate was gone. I thought about the ring in my pocket. I would never get to propose.
As the doctor talked about funeral arrangements and such, I closed my eyes and put my head in my hands. I saw her smile, heard her laugh, felt her feather light touch. There was no way she was gone, it just wasn’t possible. Someone placed a hand on my back, just letting me know they were there as silent tears cascaded down my face. I could barely take care of myself, so how was I supposed to take care of a baby?
“Mr. Sanders?” A female voice called after a while. I wiped my eyes to rid my blurry vision before looking up. Jimmy sat beside me, tears leaking from his eyes, as well as the eyes of all of our friends and family in the room.
The nurse in the door way offered a small smile, “Would you like to see your daughter?”
Could I see her? Could I handle seeing her? I looked at Jimmy, who patted my back and mouthed ‘Go’. If he thought I could do this, then I could. I had to try, if not for me, for Val.
“Go on man, see your kid. We’ll be here when you get back.” Brian spoke, encouraging me to go.
With the silent support of all my loved ones, I quietly got up and followed the nurse through the hospital. We ended up in a room with a few clear plastic baby beds, three had blue blankets and only one had pink. My breath hitched. That was my daughter. Somewhere in that pink blanket was my child. After washing my hands, the nurse handed me the bundle of pink blankets.
Emma was so beautiful. There was no way I’d help create this tiny little creature in my arms. She stared up at me with a mixture of Val’s and my eyes. Her pink face was all Val, but her cute little baby smile showed off the dimples she’d inherited from me.
“Hey Emma,” I whispered. I smiled even though she didn’t respond. I shifted her in my arms more, trying to hold her the way my Mom taught me when Amy was born. “I’m your Daddy.”
I didn’t know if the nurse had left or not, but I didn’t care. All that mattered was Emma. I made faces at her while I tried to fix the little white cap that covered her head. I smiled down at her, “Your mommy loves you so much.”
Tears started to fall but I continued anyway, needing to make a couple of hours old baby understand my feelings. “She can’t be here, but she’s always with both of us. Always. Just know that we love you so much baby girl.”’
I sniffled, “You look just like her, you know that? I’ll have to chase away boys when you’re older. I won’t let anything happen to you, I promise. I’ll be the best Daddy in the history of rock star Daddies, just you wait and see.” My voice got softer and softer as Emma’s eyes drooped more and more.
“I love you baby girl, so much.” I kissed her forehead and watched her sleep. I swear I heard Val’s voice whispering to us both, I love you.