Detention With Severus Snape

* ~ November 27 ~ *

Happy Birthday to me, aww yeah! Slow-going with the SSS but IT'S MY 18th BIRTHDAY! Eighteen, because Mum wanted me to go to some special primary school, and I just narrowly missed the cut off. So I had to wait another year. Dad wasn't to pleased about that, I remember.

As I was saying... It was a rather fun birthday, to be sure. And the last class of the day just happened to be potions, so that was a wonderful, beautiful thing. So, I got up this morning and got dressed, so on and so forth, and waited patiently at the breakfast table for the post to arrive.

Sure enough, when the post owls flew into the Great Hall, there was a spot of yellow among them. Not many people know that fwoopers are very good for delivering the post. Anyway, Sweetheart (the fwooper) landed on the table with a package and two letters, giving me a long-suffering look as I untied them, before devouring all of my bacon and swooping out of the room. Though, before she left, she made a quick stop to peck Professor Snape in the head. Bwahaha! That was priceless. Especially watching him swear and bat her away.

When I looked at the letters, though, I couldn't suppress an exasperated sigh. There was one from Mum and one from Dad. I opened Mum's first, which told me that Dad had planned something completely inappropriate (in other words, the best present ever) but, luckily, she had stopped him in time to send me something befitting of an intelligent young woman. I opened the package to find two books. One: a comprehensive guide on how to get a secondary school education without actually attending, and the other: a second comprehensive guide, this one of muggle universities around the world. Whoopee. I don't actually plan to go to muggle university. I want to pursue a career/life in the wizarding world, so there. I'll punch your heart out, Ha-ha!

Dad's letter was a bit less... Prim. He explained to me that Mum was having one of her "my daughter's a horrible failure" fits, since one of the cousins was talking about how her son just performed brain surgery or something of the sort, and promised that the real goods would be along soon. He also mentioned an angry letter he'd gotten home from the school, and congratulated me profusely for instigating it. (Definitely the work of Professor Snape.) He was apparently very amused by said letter.

Anyway, History of Magic (for two hours, no less) was a bore. It killed me. Lunch was such a relief, and Ginny and Colin even stopped off at the Ravenclaw table for a chat. After wishing me a happy birthday, they brought up the need for a "special birthday task." Many long minutes were spent contemplating this until, at last...

"I've got it!" Ginny exclaimed. "You can act like you're angry at Snape- don't talk to him or even look at him, not even when he asks a question. When he asks why, tell him that you're angry at him for forgetting your birthday." Hmm, not a bad idea. So, I agreed.

Soon, it was time for potions. As opposed to my usual behavior, I was one of the last people to class. When I got there, I slammed my bag on my desk and unpacked as loudly as possible, then sat down, acting agitated. I didn't even look up; I just kept my eyes on the desk and crossed my arms, frowning. There were a few murmurs, ("What's her problem?") but for the most part I was paid no attention. Then, the lesson began and I fought down the urge to stare at Professor Snape, which was very difficult, since his voice was particularly sexy that class. I stared at my desk the whole time, though I listened intently, and at important points of his lecture I snorted loudly. Finally, he began to ask questions.

"Miss Page, how many milliliters of undiluted bubotuber puss would it take to neutralize sixty grams of powdered doxy wings?" Steeling myself, I ignored him, staring down at the desk as if he hadn't said anything at all. After a few moments of silence, I heard soft footsteps slowly approaching. "I wonder, Miss Page, if my voice penetrates that thick skull of yours?" I said nothing in reply. "You will answer me now." I continued to stare at the desk. "Ten points from Ravenclaw. Now, answer me." La, la, la, I can't hear you. "Is there something wrong with you, Miss Page?"

"Yes!" I suddenly burst out, slamming my hands on my desk. I swallowed the fear that was bubbling up at the prospect of my task and the fact that the whole room was staring at me.

"Pardon?" His tone was dangerous now.

"Don't act like you don't know!" I stood up suddenly, knocking my chair over, and glared at him; he looked absolutely furious.

"What are you on about?"

"Do you have any idea what day it is?" I shrilled, raising my voice. I must say, I'm a better actress than I thought.

"...Friday?" He still looked ready to strangle me, but also looked slightly bewildered.

"My birthday!" I spat. Now he looked completely bewildered. "My eighteenth birthday! And you forgot! You completely forgot!"

"Miss Page-"

"You're an insensitive, inconsiderate buffoon!" I then proceeded to snatch my bag and storm out of the classroom, sniggering following me as I left. I turned back for a few seconds to look through the crack of the door and saw Professor Snape standing rigid, looking confused and outraged, then continued on my way. I went back to the Ravenclaw common room and spent the rest of the class time doing homework.

At lunch, I was ready to settle down and discuss the SSS with Luna, when Professor Snape approached me. My first feeling was curiosity, which was followed immediately by dread. He stopped in front of me and leaned down close, scowling. I wanted to rape him. "Miss Page," he hissed in that soft, silky voice of his, "I am not quite certain what compelled your outburst in my class, but I will not tolerate such behavior. Twenty points from Ravenclaw, and a detention tonight. Report to my office in the dungeons at eight. Understood?" I nodded. He turned on his heel and stalked off, looking very agitated.

After lunch, I told the story to Ginny and Colin, who both found it very amusing. We pondered the next task together, but came up empty. It was just as well, anyway... I still have to ask him to the Yule Ball, and I think Professor Snape might try to kill me soon, if I keep this up. Although, that isn't exactly anything new. Nothing else really interesting happened the rest of the day.

I arrived that night at Professor Snape's office about five minutes early, only to find that the door was ajar and there were voices drifting out from within the room. I flattened myself against the wall and peered inside, listening carefully to the conversation. "If you ask me, the girl is insane!" Professor Snape was pacing the room, sneering. "It runs in the family, after all!"

"Ah, but Severus, certainly you must remember what it is like to be young and in love." That was... Professor Dumbledore? I saw him follow Professor Snape across the room and out of sight, a bag of yellowish candies in his hand. "Lemon drop?"

"Get that away from me!" he snarled in response. "And no, I certainly do not remember, nor do I wish to. This must be some sort of plot to drive me out of my mind!"

"Now, Severus, not everyone is plotting against you."

"Do you know what that wretched girl did today?"

"Please, enlighten me." Dumbledore sounded rather pleasant.

"She- She shouted at me for forgetting her birthday. Gods, Albus, I don't keep track of my students' birthdays! And she stormed out of my class! That girl is a menace, she's-"

"Severus." Dumbledore gave an amused chuckle. "Try not to get so worked up. I have a simple solution to your problem."

"What?" He sounded wary.

"Apologize to Miss Page. After all, you did forget her birthday. Perhaps a birthday gift would help? I gather she's an avid reader, interested in potions... Like you, Severus." There was a long, tense silence.

"Firstly, Albus," Professor Snape hissed, "I most definitely will not apologize. Secondly, there is no way in hell I am giving that troublesome brat a gift, and thirdly, she is nothing like me."

"Well," Dumbledore replied in a hearty, cheerful tone, "if you change your mind, you can give her this." Ooh, what is it? "I shall see you tomorrow, Severus." There were footsteps, but then they stopped. "Oh, and one more thing."

"Yes?"

"Do try not to fall in love quite yet." Ha! Now Dumbledore was making fun of him! It was hilarious! I could feel the younger professor's anger in the air even from where I stood, which was a very bad place to be at the time, considering Dumbledore was headed straight for me. I stepped away from the door in time to see it swing open, the Headmaster on the other side. "Ah, Miss Page. A very happy birthday to you, my dear." He gave me a smile and a bow as I worked out a feeble thanks, then walked away with more vitality than I've seen in men a quarter of his age.

"Saccharine old fool..." I heard Professor Snape mutter. I peered in to see him holding a package that was neatly wrapped in purple paper, fuming.

"What's that, Professor?" I asked innocently, indicating the package as I approached. His lips thinned and he shoved it into my hands, walking briskly to his desk.

"You are not to open that in my presence," he growled. "Now, I want you to very carefully shell every one of the beetles in these jars." He indicated a row of jars I hadn't seen before, containing shining beetles suspended in greenish liquid. "If you have any trouble, tell me. I do not want you mucking this up." It sounded as if he wanted to use a far worse word than "mucking," which also happened to rhyme with it.

So, I got to work doing as he said. I tried not to push him past the breaking point, since he was so irritated in the first place, but... Damn, I wanted to know what was in that package. I worked as quickly and silently as I could, and managed to finish within a reasonable amount of time, without incurring Professor Snape's wrath once. I cleaned off my hands and, glancing up, saw that he was quite involved in scratching large red X's over some unfortunate student's essay.

With barely contained glee (and keeping one eye on the professor) I opened it as quietly as I could (which was pretty damn quiet, since I've had practice.) I pulled out a thick volume- Moste Potente Potions! Dad has it in his personal collection, but he never let me look at it before. I had a feeling that he had something to do with it. Anyway, I was elated when I saw it. So much that I said, "Moste Potente Potions! Hell, yes!" Which, as one might expect, attracted Professor Snape's attention. Snarling, he descended upon me.

"Where did you-" he suddenly stopped as he caught sight of the discarded wrapping paper, looking angrier than ever.

"Thank you very much, Professor!" I exclaimed. "I forgive you!" I hopped up and, on an impulse, threw my arms around him in a tight (but brief) hug, then made my retreat before he could go into a screaming fit. On my way out, I managed to catch a glimpse of him with that deer-in- headlights look on his face, which provided me with many hearty giggles on my way back to Ravenclaw tower. Ah, what a fantastic birthday.