Detention With Severus Snape

* ~ January 5 ~ *

Arrrr, mateys. The holidays were very nice, what with all the relaxing (and actually deciding that, yes, Colin is in fact my boyfriend now.) However, guess what class I had on the first day back? That's right, potions. Which means I needed to wink and blow kisses all through the lesson. Though, I think I might have done that anyway. It's really too bad that Colin doesn't have potions with me; I'd like to see him get unreasonably jealous. I know it's mean, but I can't help it. I'm just a mean person.

As I was saying, potions class. I was actually kind of dreading the lesson, since I still have no idea what had gone on during that ominous parent-teacher conference... Knowing my dad... Something very bad. And embarrassing. And possibly resulting in Professor Snape being physically injured. Well, at least I know where I get it from.

I did see Professor Snape once, while I was up extra early making a snowman of a gay pirate I made up, named Dumas Daley. He was headed for Hagrid's hut, so I threw a snowball and hit him right in the back of the head. Heehee. I got scolded, but it didn't matter much to me. However, while he was walking back into the castle (and I thought I was out of danger) a snowball hit me full-speed, right in the boob! Damn, it hurt like a bitch. And, of course, Professor Snape was already gone. Then I realized- he threw a snowball at me! Which meant that, technically, we had a snowball fight! Eee! It made me very happy. Except for the sore breast part.

Anyway, back to the task. I walked into the classroom at my customary early time, seating myself at the middle work table, where Professor Snape would be able to see me perfectly throughout the entire lesson. He wasn't in the classroom yet, so I entertained myself by imagining him giving me a lap dance. Yum...

He showed up right before the bell rang, obviously in bad spirits, and jerkily turned to glare at us from behind his desk. I winked right at him a blew a kiss; it was very exaggerated, as Ginny had suggested. His jaw twitched momentarily before he started a lecture on the properties and uses of wolfsbane. After a bit, he looked my way again, and I winked and blew another kiss. Scowling, he turned away and continued the lecture.

All through class I kept winking and blowing kisses, but Professor Snape just kept ignoring me. Then, as everyone was packing up, I winked and blew another kiss. "Miss Page, please stay after class." It sounded like I was going to get a tongue lashing, so I waited until all my classmates had cleared out of the room and approached his desk, preparing myself for the worst. Glaring at me, he let out a low growl and slammed his hands on his desk, standing up to loom ominously over me. "I am not your booty boy!" I blinked, trying to process what had just been said to me. By Professor Snape.

"...'Booty boy?'" I'm sure my expression was a perfect mix between embarrassed and horrified. "Professor, what did my father say to you?"

"A great many things," he snarled, making it obvious that none of these many things had a calming effect on his much-abused nerves.

"Er... Am I in trouble for it?"

"Yes!"

"...Why?" He paused for a moment.

"Because I don't much like you. Detention with McGonagall."

"I knew you hated me." He snorted.

"I dislike you. It's quite different."

"...I think you're just making all of this up." Professor Snape was acting very sexy.

"Kindly remove yourself. I've work to do." Bastard.

"Fine," I said stiffly, heading out of the room with my nose in the air. "I guess that means that you're sleeping on the couch tonight."

"What-" I slammed the door behind me. Haha, what a face!

After that, I decided to go lounge in the library with the other members of the SSS and try to think up more tasks. Of course, they were already waiting, a large stack of books on the table. Apparently, we're going to perform more spells on Professor Snape. So, I sat down next to Colin, graced him with a kiss on the cheek, and grabbed a book from the pile. "We were thinking of using magical aid for the next task," Ginny informed me, quite unnecessarily.

"I see," I replied, flipping through the book. "Have you found anything good yet?"

"Just the usual," Colin replied. "Most of it's rather boring."

"I thought the singing was nice," Luna stated nonchalantly. "Nadia should serenade him." Luna dies.

"You know, that's not bad at all," Ginny muttered, grinning. "You should return the favor, after all." I let out a long-suffering sigh.

"Fine, fine, I'll-" I paused as a spell in the book caught my attention. "Hey, look at this." I held the book out for the others to see. "There's a spell here on conjuring illusions. All we have to do is think up something and modify the spell. Neat, huh?" Wicked looks were exchanged between the four of us.

"We have to use this on Snape," Colin said, looking over the spell. "Though... What would we conjure?" Luna and I gave each other meaningful looks, apparently both of us recalling a conversation from the morning we'd had, in which Professor Snape's rear end had played a vital role.

"I've got an idea," I replied. "You see, this morning Luna and I were just discussing our dear professor, and his bottom part. I happened to mention that it has its own ethereal glow, which brings me to thinking... Perhaps we could cast a spell on him to have light coming out of his bum? Ooh, and angels flying around it and singing choir songs, that would be good, too." I was stared at for a long time. Then...

"Nadia, that's brilliant!" Ginny exclaimed. "I'll get to making the spell right away! I'll have it ready by tomorrow, you lot just sit tight." With that, she rushed off, tightly clutching the book.

"...Time for a love letter," Luna suddenly piped up, yanking out a piece of parchment and slapping it down on the table.

"This'll be easy," Colin gloated. "Just write what you would say to me."

"Colin," I sighed, "we're supposed to be trying to make him think I love him, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember- hey!" Oh, I'm good. "You know, you still have to do that singing task."

"Aheheh." I elbowed him. So, we got to writing the love letter, and when we'd finished Colin and I went off and snogged (trust me, it's not as interesting as it sounds) then I made him promise to let me spank him at a later date and went on my merry pervert way. Even though I am not a pervert. Really. (Colin's a butt slut.)