Detention With Severus Snape

* ~ March 20 ~ *

Wow, it's been almost three weeks since I wrote anything. Well, there are only two tasks to write about. Not including the continuing love letters, that is. After a while Professor Snape was no longer in need of my nutritional advice, so... I had to give up his sweet loving. Professor Lupin assured me that he and my dad (a crack team of experts, to be sure) had everything under control, but I think it's rather apparent that I'm extremely skeptical. After the first couple of days, it was obvious that I was very anxious. And controlling. So Luna donated a task: decorate Professor Snape's office with articles providing nutrition and fitness advice. Surprise him with it. Of course, I knew exactly who to go to for help.

"Professor Lupin?" It was after class, and I was confident that I could sway Professor Lupin to our side.

"Yes, Nadia?"

"How's Professor Snape doing?"

"Obstinate and contrary, as usual," he replied.

"I've been worried," I confided. "It's not that I doubt your ability, it's just that I have a very controlling nature and I want to be in charge of every detail of every person's life I come across. So, just to help me reassure myself, could you assist me in reminding Professor Snape of the proper steps he needs to take to keep himself in good health?" Professor Lupin raised his eyebrows.

"And what did you have in mind?"

"Well... We could surprise him, by leaving him helpful hints in his office." He suddenly looked rather amused.

"You mean... Redecorate?"

"You might say that."

"Well... I do know someone with access to the office, and I'm fairly sure he'd be willing to help. If it's for the professor's own good, of course."

"Of course," I replied.

"Very well. Shall we start tomorrow?"

"Sure!"

"I'll see you at lunch tomorrow, then." He winked.

"See you then." MWAHAHAHA!

The next day, I found Professor Lupin waiting outside the Great Hall. "I must say, Nadia, this was a very good idea," he commented as we made our way down to the dungeons. "I'm sure it'll cheer Professor Snape up."

"Yoohoo!" What. The. Hell.

"Dad?" He's popping up everywhere. It's driving me insane!

"I understand we're to undertake a project of great and secretive proportions," Dad said, as I stared at his striped trousers. They're so... Hypnotic. Like a car wreck. Pinstripes in shades of green, brown, and some coppery color. It almost moves in front of your eyes. "Is there something wrong?"

"The trousers," I replied.

"Ah, yes. The trousers." He looked down at himself. "They're not so bad."

"You've had those for twenty years," Professor Lupin replied.

"Why is everyone obsessed with my wardrobe all of a sudden? Is it national fashion month or something?"

"No."

"Alright, then. Let's get to work!" Dad got us into the office no problem. I had to admit, there was a lot of work to be done. Dad set his perpetually present briefcase atop the desk and opened it, taking out... Jars of fruit, preserved in water. I quickly caught on, and placed them randomly on the shelves with the slimy things. Next was a food pyramid poster, placed thoughtfully on the wall space behind the desk. Then a planner made especially for keeping track of what he ate for the day was placed on the desk, along with several self-help books. Dad added a book called "Overcoming Voyeurism," to the top of the pile, and Lupin and I were too amused to protest. By the time we were done, the room was filled with healthy non-perishables, encouraging posters, diet books and cookbooks, and... Well... Let me just say that my dad and I think alike. He pasted Professor Snape's face on a picture of a body-builder, blew it up, and stuck it to the ceiling.

"I think it looks magnificent," I commented.

"I don't think he'll appreciate his new ceiling," Professor Lupin chuckled.

"A voyeur like him?" Dad replied. "Ah, he'll love it." I sniggered.

"Alright, let's vamoose before we're caught red-handed. And thanks for all the help." Later that afternoon, while I was in the library, I could have sworn I heard Professor Snape screaming. But then, it was probably just my imagination. However, just to be safe, I decided not to reveal to him that the new look for his office was spawned from my suggestion.

The second task took place on Monday. Since Professor Snape was doing so well with his healthy lifestyle (I congratulated him several times, only to be glared at) Ginny suggested that I congratulate him officially with a special card. So, putting my excellent drawing skills to use (and by excellent, I mean pathetic) I made a card. On the cover was Professor Snape as a pirate captain on the seven seas, with a red parrot on his shoulder. It looked like an eight-year-old drew it, but... We're not all artists, alright? Then on the inside I wrote:

"Congratulations on your excellent progress, Professor! Keep up the good work." Then I signed my name. "P.S. - How'd you like to walk my plank?" I thought it could use a little pirate reference in there. I then mailed the card through owl post.

When Professor Snape received it, he looked extremely angry. At a few words from Professor Lupin, though, he calmed down substantially. However, while I was leaving the Great Hall, he caught up with me and gave me detention for Saturday. As in, Colin's birthday. At eleven. Oh, well. I'll just have to give Colin my special surprise a little earlier than planned.