Detention With Severus Snape

* ~ April 30 ~ *

The end of the month has come, I'm back full force, and boy is Professor Snape going to get it. I already performed one task that Luna and Ginny had come up with together. We were eating oatmeal for breakfast, and Ginny had come over to discuss the tasks starting up again. "Luna and I were talking," she informed me as soon as she sat down.

"About?"

"The next task," Luna answered for her.

"And?" Yum, maple and brown sugar.

"Send him a magazine subscription," Ginny said, grinning as she slapped several subscription forms down on the table. "I got these from Fred and George. But, please, don't read too much into it."

"Fred and George must really love porn," I replied as I skimmed through the list. "This would be rather funny... But what does it have to do with me loving Professor Snape?"

"It's a gift," Luna insisted.

"Alright," I sighed, turning back to the list. Then, one title in particular caught my eye, and I knew instantly that it was the one. "This one," I exclaimed, pointing to it. They took one look at the name and started sniggering. I noticed that Colin was giving us dirty looks from the Gryffindor table. "What's his problem?"

"He's still sore that you dumped him for Snape," Ginny told me, rather dismissively. "Anyway, let's fill out that subscription." So, we did.

It arrived this morning with the owl post. I was very excited, because I really wanted to see his reaction. I was practically bouncing in my seat. When it came, I watched from the corner of my eye as the owl delivered the subscription to Professor Snape. I think I chose a good one: Flow, the magazine for men who like it wet and red. Mwahahaha!

Professor Snape casually opened the large envelope, looking rather unconcerned, but when he pulled out the magazine and took a look at it, his eyes went round and he spat pumpkin juice out all over it. Professor Lupin, looking rather curious, glanced over and repeated the action. By then, the Flow was rather wet. Heehee. And, oh, wonder of wonders, then Dumbledore joined in. He tapped Snape on the shoulder and whispered something, at which point Snape turned bright red, handed the magazine to him, and stormed out of the room. Dumbledore looked down at the soaking cover, grinned, then... He winked at me.

...

...

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I love my job.

After that, the day was mostly normal. I didn't see Professor Snape at all, which was a real drag, because I wanted to embarrass him some more. However, there is one person that I did see, though at the time I would rather have sucked the blood out of a tampon. Here's how it happened.

I was just minding my own business, coming back from a rather successful trip to the kitchens (I was teaching the house elves how to make hummus and pita bread) when out of the blue I encountered Dad. In a green kilt. With the Docs. The Docs. That's right. The pink ones. And I was still angry at him, obviously. "Hullo, Nadia."

"Goodbye." I turned to go back to the kitchens.

"You can't stay angry at me forever."

"Watch me."

"I'm entitled to make mistakes." What really got my blood boiling was the fact that he was being so damn calm about it, like he didn't even care.

"What's wrong with you!" I whirled around to shout at him. "Aren't you even put off! At all!" He looked ready to smile, but had the good grace not to, the bastard.

"A little."

"A little! A LITTLE!"

"You've got such a temper." Then he tilted his head, and he actually did smile.

"I've had enough," I snapped, sounding remarkably like Professor Snape. "I have better things to do than to watch you stand there and grin like a lunatic." Which he is.

"I'm sorry," he replied quickly. "I told you I was sorry, didn't I?"

"I don't need a fake apology."

"Nadia." He actually looked sincere, for once. "I am sorry. You're my daughter. I love you. I didn't want you to know those things about me- who would? I didn't want you to think of me as some evil monster, is all."

"Actually, I think of you as more of a jackass right now, so I guess it all worked out for the best." He was actually starting to look a bit unhappy.

"Ah. Well, I can't say I blame you."

"No, you can't." I started to walk away again.

"Nadia, please wait!" I decided not to be cruel and again graced him with my charitable presence. "I can't be perfect. Don't I deserve a second chance?"

"Dad, I don't expect you to be perfect. But I at least expect you to act like a decent human being!"

"All that was a long time ago." He sighed. "If I could change it, I would."

"What about the embezzlement?"

"That doesn't make me a horrible person." I couldn't believe he was actually arguing for it. "It's not as if the Ministry helps anyone, anyway."

"Aren't you worried about ending up in Azkaban?"

"No."

"Aren't you worried about your family? Me? Mum?" He seemed to be trying to decide on what to tell me.

"I'd never thought of being caught, before. A lot of people can be bought, Nadia. Morals aren't exactly brought into play at the Ministry of Magic."

"So you don't have any morals?"

"I have morals. They're just... Complicated, that's all. I feel justified in what I do. It's the way I am, and I'm not going to change."

"You shouldn't feel justified in stealing!" I argued.

"Why not? Robin Hood was." Good lord.

"You are not Robin Hood! You are my dad! And you are wearing the ugliest clothing ever created by mankind!"

"I really don't appreciate that comment." I had to say it, though. It was just so vomitous, and I'm not normally fashion conscious, but even a homeless crack addict would cringe upon seeing his attire.

"I don't care!"

"I really am sorry. I'm not just saying that; I'd never say anything I didn't mean to you." He had that pleading look on his face he gets when Mum's angry at him. "Not to you." Oh, God. It was so convincing.

"Well, I don't forgive you."

"Oh. Alright, then." He let out a long sigh and frowned slightly. "I suppose I'll be going, now. Call me if you need anything." He really is a good father, despite everything. "I'll be around, in case you change your mind." I shouldn't have felt any sort of distress at seeing him go, but somehow I did.

"Hey, Dad?" And I shouldn't have caved in so easily.

"Hm?"

"Well... You're my dad and... I love you, I guess. So... It's okay. I might as well just forgive you. I know I will eventually, anyway." I'm sure Professor Lupin was right in some way.

"...I'm sorry, love."

"You should be. That kilt with the pink Doc Martens is horrendous." He chuckled.

"Back to normal, then?"

"Yeah. Back to normal." He pulled me into one of his psychotic bone- crusher hugs.

"You know, you're my favorite daughter."

"I'm an only child, Dad." He chuckled.

"Of course you are." God, my dad is creepy. Anyway, we had some bonding time while we sat in the kitchens and ate peanut butter and jelly (I really should cut down on my food intake) before he had to go back to work. The whole episode reminded me of when I was little, and I used to wake up every morning as Dad was leaving for work and make him kiss me goodbye so many times that he was almost late. And I remember how I would cry hysterically and chase after him if I missed him even once. I guess I was just a high-strung child. Separation anxiety, and all. That kind of stuck with me, but only a little bit.

After that whole big thing, I went to the library to study, where I encountered (ominous music) Colin. "Hey, Colin." I sat down next to him. "How's tricks?"

"Fine," he replied tersely.

"I didn't leave you for Professor Snape or anything, if that's what you think," I blurted out. "But... Listen, Colin. I think you're a good friend." He scowled. "You are. But... You're just a really horrible boyfriend. Sorry."

"I'm not a horrible boyfriend!" he protested. "I let you put things up my secret back passage!"

"Your... What?" He blushed.

"It's what my mum calls it," he grumbled.

"Right. Well, you liked it." He turned even more red. "You know you did. And it wasn't like I was rough with you when I did it."

"I'm just a little sore over it, alright?"

"Understandable. You're always sore after the first few times."

"That's not what I meant! I mean- I'm still sore over the break up." I grinned.

"I know. I was just kidding." Long silence. "So... My dad came today, to talk to me."

"Oh."

"I've decided to forgive him."

"What did he do that was so horrible, anyway?" I hadn't really told anyone else about my father's... Shenanigans.

"It's personal business," I replied. "So, am I going to be forgiven?"

"Eventually."

"That's nice to hear." There was a long silence between us. "...I should really get going, now. I've got to go over my N.E.W.T.s study chart."

"You're insane."

"I noticed." I smiled at him before I left, but he still had that sour angsty teenager look on his face. Oh, well. I tried, at least. And now I'm craving peanut butter, but I'm not even going to look at it because I've decided to go diet-crazy for the moment. I need to make up for all the eating I've been doing lately. My ass is big enough as it is in proportion to the rest of my body, without it actually being overweight. So, I'm off to work out for two hours. Huzzah!

...Professor Snape was right. Exercise sucks.