Detention With Severus Snape

- June 4 -

Whoo, so much studying! And N.E.W.T. in what... A little over a week I think. Argh! So, first day of June. Hot as hell, and even more humid. Which was absolutely torturous, especially since I'm crap at cooling spells. Luckily, Luna knows them well enough, so I had her cooling me down most of the day. Breakfast was fun, too, since one of my love letters to Professor Snape had arrived. Professor Lupin, who had taken to the habit of reading over his shoulder quite easily, turned just as red as he did, but looked much more amused.

I also got a letter from Dad thanking me for his birthday gifts. I'd sent them a bit late (oops... Heheh.) I'm glad he liked what I got him. Let's see... There were... Several old, cheesy yellow-backed novels I'd gotten from a bin at a ninety percent off sale in Hogsmeade a while ago (he actually likes those, he thinks they're hilarious) a little pink toy fwooper that flies around and sings, a card that I wrote myself about how he's a good Daddy even though he's a bastard sometimes, and... Alright, I know it's gross, but I love my dad, so I'm willing to traumatize myself a little for his happiness. The frilliest, prettiest men's underwear I could find. Hard to believe it was men's underwear at all, really. He's a weirdo, alright? And last time I folded laundry most of his underwear was full of holes, which is even worse than pink silk, so there. Alright, I'm going to shut up about my dad's underwear now.

And of course, since I'd finished my report about Professor Snape, the tasks were back on. They were going to be difficult to fit in between bout of studying, but I vowed to try my best. First task I was given: fake orgasm during potions. Give all the credit to Professor Snape. Luna had come up with that one, and I was thoroughly proud of her. We decided not to tell Colin, since he was still so fragile.

Today was double potions, so that was when I did the task. I waited until I'd finished all my work, of course, before starting it. I had my cauldron cleaned and my potion neatly bottled on his desk, plus a spare (just in case my orgasm caused him to break it in a fit of rage.) I looked around at Luna, and she grinned. "Ohhhhh," I murmured huskily. A few people around us looked over with puzzled expressions, but most of them hadn't heard me. "Uuuhhhhh," I moaned, louder this time. A few more people stared. "Ohhhh, yes. Uhhhhh..." I gripped the table and let my eyelids droop, panting. Professor Snape had looked up from something he was writing, and his mouth was currently hanging open in his barely contained horror. "Uhhh, ohhh yesss... Oh, yesss..." I ran one hand up my neck and face, then through my hair. "Yes, ohhh, yes!" Professor Snape, scowling, got up and prowled towards me.

"Miss Page!"

"Professor!" I shouted. "Oh, yes! Yes! YES YES YES YES YES!" I started slamming the table with my hands along with all the yessing. "YES YES! OHHH OH, PROFESSOR! UHHHH OHHHH!" I then slumped down in my chair, panting heavily. "Ohh, oh... Hoo." Several of the boys in the class looked very pleased by the display. Too bad that didn't include Professor Snape.

"Miss Page," he hissed, "I have no idea what you've been doing in my class, and I don't want to know, but I will not have you disrespecting my authority!"

"Oh, please, Professor," one of the Hufflepuff boys piped up, "don't punish her. We didn't mind so much."

"Well I do, Mr. Ito! Ten points from Hufflepuff for your attitude! Detention, Miss Page!" he barked. "In my office at nine!" I know it probably wasn't a very appropriate thing to think... But my mind was running somewhere along the lines of 'Ooh, detention with hot sexy Professor Snape, whoopee!' So, I vacated the classroom, thoroughly looking forward to my detention. Nothing much else happened during the day, except that Luna, Ginny, and Colin cornered me after classes to give me another task.

"This one is brilliant," Ginny informed me.

"Yes, it's very good," Colin agreed.

"It's alright," Luna conceded.

"Then tell me," I insisted. Bwah!

"Here's what you do," Ginny informed me. "Charm an hourglass like the ones that count house points to float over Professor Snape's head. Then, give and take points however you see fit."

"And how does that display my love for Professor Snape?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"Well, only give and take points for things like... Having a sexy ass, or making bedroom eyes or something of the sort. How does it sound?"

"It sounds awfully nice," I said, "but how am I supposed to get the hourglass to... Oh, I don't know... Exist?"

"We've already got a charm for it," Ginny replied, grinning. "Colin's been working on it for a while."

"Oh, that's sweet of you, Colin." He smiled the smallest of smiles.

"You can do it during your detention tonight," Luna cut in.

"Nah, wait until tomorrow," Colin argued. "When everyone can see."

"Alright, alright," I sighed. "Well, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go on patrol." After all, a prefect's work is never done. But afternoon patrols are so boring. At least during night patrol I get to catch couples snogging all over the place. Like that time last year when I found Draco with Terry Boot... Now that was a rewarding night.

So, after I got the spell from Ginny I went on my patrol, and after that I practiced the spell. I managed to get it down pretty quickly (I've always been good at conjuring, after all- too bad I'm crap with cooling charms, dammit!) and had plenty of time for N.E.W.T.s revision. I worked very hard on charms, and practiced my weak points (for instance, about half of everything we learned after fifth year.) By the time the clock chimed nine, I was quite worn out, and more than a little relieved for some nice, hard, physical labor to take my mind off studying. And I am not going to try to analyze that little statement.

With a great sigh, I made my way down to the dungeons, heading for Professor Snape's office. And, you know, for someone who doesn't like eavesdropping, he sure does leave the door open a lot. Especially when there's an eavesdropper like me creeping around the dungeons. I peered inside, only to see... My dad. Again. "Pleeeeaaaassse?" Sitting cross-legged on the Professor's desk and watching him pace back and forth.

"No. Never. What makes you think I would even consider it?" Dad immediately delved into his robes and pulled out... A package of elastic bands.

"I come bearing gifts." Professor Snape eyed him furiously. "So much more convenient than a ribbon." With a growl, Snape snatched the package from his hands and continued pacing. I'm surprised there isn't some sort of worn patch of floor there, with the amount of pacing he does.

"I don't care."

"But you're keeping them."

"I do not care." Professor Snape paused, fiddling with the package as he glanced back and forth between it and Dad. "Fine," he snapped. "I'll do it. But don't expect some sort of big to-do. In and out, understand?"

"Of course!"

"Hey, what are you talking about?" I stepped into the room, still rather dazed to see my dad and Snape getting on so well. Usually Professor Snape ends up shouting at him and chasing him away. Or something along those lines. A slow grin graced Dad's face as he turned to me.

"Sssssssexxxxx," he replied, which took a rather long time.

"Sex?" I asked, rather used to my father's behavior after such a long time. "With whom, may I ask?"

"A pretty Ravenclaw girl." Dad wiggled his eyebrows, sending a sort of half-leer towards Professor Snape. "Severus wants to send his mighty warrior into the Dragon's cave." I noticed that Professor Snape had gone rather red.

"I-" he began, but was cut off by yours truly.

"What's her name?"

"Persephone something-or-other," Dad replied lightly.

"Wyatt? Excuse me?"

"I was kidding. It's a much nicer name than that; Nadia."

"You-" Professor Snape managed to choke out before we ignored him again.

"I said that he was going about it entirely the wrong way, but he seems to think that detentions are going to work. Odd reasoning, I say." Dad reached into his hair and pulled out a spider, flicking it away. Ah, the hazards of the dungeons. "I'd just give her some flowers and a gun." I hesitated, unsure if I wanted to know the "odd reasoning" behind it.

"A gun?" Ah, what the hell.

"Well, it shows that he trusts her, and that he has faith in her ability to protect herself with the proper weaponry. I think it's a very nice gesture."

"Dad... You think a lot of gestures are 'very nice.'" He looked ready to continue our rapport when Professor Snape cleared his throat and we turned our attention to him. He had this expression on his face that clearly read, "Ummm... Helloooo?" I almost laughed aloud, imagining him saying it.

"Oh, we're sorry." Dad grinned. "Would you like to join the conversation?"

"First of all," Professor Snape began stiffly (stiff, heh,) "no father should speak to his daughter in such a clearly lecherous manner." Dad rolled his eyes, playfully mouthing, "Jackass," to me. "Second-"

"Sexond, heh."

"MISS PAGE!" Yes, 'twas I.

"Sorry, sir." Dad giggled.

"What about sex?" Professor Lupin popped his head in the doorway.

"Oh, no," Professor Snape groaned.

"Remmy!" Dad chirped. Hold on- Remmy?

"Remmy?" I asked vaguely.

"Sexond?" Professor Lupin replied, raising his eyebrows.

"Sexy Saxon?" Dad chuckled. "Heehee, Sexy Sevvie."

"Ah!" There was recognition in his voice. "Sexy Sevvie!"

"That's it!" Professor Snape growled, that tick in his jaw acting up. "Enough! Detention postponed! No werewolves allowed! And you-" he turned to Dad, pausing. "Oh, just get out!"

"See? Ssssexxxy Ssssevvie needs some loving. He's getting all grouchy, living a life of celibacy." Professor Lupin snorted.

"Oh please. For what, a month?" My mouth fell open.

"GET OUT!" Professor Snape shouted, his face going a strange shade of purple. The three of us scuttled out of the room, running for our lived as Snape slammed the door behind us. Well, we weren't really running for our lives, but... All the same.

"Well, that was rather rewarding," I commented.

"Oh, yes, definitely," Dad replied, a smirk creeping across his face.

"What are you so satisfied about?"

"I'm wearing my new knickers." He gave a happy little wriggle and skipped off. You know, sometimes I think that my relationship with my father is a bit... Unhealthy.

"New knickers?" Professor Lupin looked very interested.

"Pink silk!" Dad called down the hallway. "I feel just like a pretty little princess!" Oh, God.

"Oh, God." The professor, however, seemed to be less embarrassed and more... Turned on. Alright, it's sexy because it's Professor Lupin, but it's gross because my dad caused it. Ew.

"I won't even ask," I muttered, going after Dad. However, he'd soon disappeared. "Where is he?" I mused aloud.

"He most likely went back to work," Lupin replied.

"Hm. Strange, he didn't say goodbye."

"He must be very busy, then."

"Maybe." Or he could be off doing dastardly deeds.

"Well, I need to get back down to the dungeons. I've got to take my Wolfsbane, after all." So, I bid goodbye to Professor Lupin and headed up to the dorm to write this down and go to bed. Right now.