Taion

Making myself sick was easy. My sister always said I stressed out too much, but she blamed it on Dad and he he treated us. Back at the Children's Home, she claimed that I'd been under his influence too long and I'd most likely stress at the littlest things. That was about a month before they'd diagnosed me with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and said that was the cause of all my worry and anxiety. Of course then I got to clingy to the people I loved. 

And whenever I got stressed, I got sick. Which is why I was still sitting on the curb with my head between my knees when the tour bus rolled up. 

I expected to hear Alex cursing and yelling and stomping, but he didn't show up. Instead Rian came out. "Hi, yeah. I'm the guy you spoke to over the phone. Rian." 

They talked a few moments, discussing how the officer was letting me off with a warning and how lucky I was. What the band planned to do for punishing me.  I wasn't listening very much. Mainly focusing on Alex's credit card that I could feel burning through my jeans. I wanted to take it out and toy with it, turn it in my hands, but if Rian knew I had that, I would be branded a thief. And it wasn't like I needed any more problems. 

The cop is leaving. Rian is ushering me up. I don't hesitate until he holds out his hand and I silently question what he wants. 

"Give me the card." 

I'm quiet. 

"I'm not an idiot, Envy. Give me the card." 

My response is to open my mouth, hesitating still. 

"Damn it, Envy!" He jerks his hand slightly, emphasizing his actions - his request.  I hand it to him, and he continues talking. "Alex has no idea what you've done, alright? Jack has him convinced your in the back of the bus and locked off the bunk area. Right now, he's asleep on the couch. You're going to get your ass on that bus, quietly, and sneak into the bunks where you are going to clean up that piss on his bunk, understand?"

"You didn't tell him?"

Rian scoffed. "He's already pissed and has a black eye from your stunt earlier. Why would we tell him? But I swear, Phoenix, pull another stunt like that and I'll beat you into submission myself before calling Mona to get you. Got that?"

I nodded, trying not to connect the threat Rian had just presented to my dad. "Yeah. I gotcha."

"Good. Get in the bus."

Jack opens the door for me, quietly holding it open, but I can tell. He wants to yell at me. Curse me. He's glaring with his jaw set, teeth bared behind his mouth and trying to control his anger. Zack's eyes follow me, looking quite disappointed. I know he's thinking about the few days before when he'd asked me not to do anything stupid, and I can't help looking away and feeling as if I'd totally betrayed him. All of them. I give a slight wave, raising my hand in recognition as I make my way to the bunks and close the door behind me and stare at the his sheets before gathering them and throwing them in the shower. 

It takes me two hours to remove the stains that hadn't quite set in thankfully and the smell - an extra hour to dry them with the hair dryer. And at the moment, my antics seem a bit childish. I finish cleaning his bunk and making up the bed again when I notice the note I'd left for them. Alex in particular. It had slipped to the floor. I trash it. 

I take the liberty to clean the other bunks as well, a type of thanks for covering for me before I climb into my own bunk. I'm not tired. Farthest thing from it, possibly, but my mind is reeling and I just needed to think.  

I'm lost in my thoughts about how much harm I've done in the past month when there's a slight knock on the bunk door. I don't answer, because it's their bus and honestly they could walk in anytime they wanted. 

The door opens, and a voice proclaiming, "It's me," enters. I know the voice. I know it's Jack. He walks in and sits on the edge on my bunk, places a hand on my side. "Kid, what's up with you?"

"Alex-"

"Forget about Alex for a minute, yeah?" He's now rubbing my side -a move that should've been comforting like a mother, but it ended up being more awkward than anything. 

"Okay."

"Your quiet lately. We don't know what to do. It's like...your becoming a lot worse than before. C'mon dude. This is honestly not you. Your past all this running away shit."

"I don't know." My quick, short response makes me realize just how quite I've been and I quickly add in, "I can't take the stress of wondering what smart ass remark he'll make next. I don't get why he's hating me so much." I shrug. "I didn't think I'd seriously done anything to him." 

Jack forces a smile. "You punched him."

"He humiliated me on stage. And you didn't do anything to stop him."

"I-" 

I cut him off. "Can you leave? I cleaned the bunks like Rian said. I just want to sleep now."

A soft apology slipped from in between his lips and he leaned down to kiss my forehead, but I pulled away, curling deeper into the sheets. Dejected, he sighed, apologized again, and left. The bunk door clicked shut behind him.