Taion

I was absolutely dreading talking to him. It could go two ways: worse or better and I wasn't positive it wouldn't end up with me getting screamed at again. That's why I just sat there outside the bus -a day later- with a Red Bull in my hand, completely out of it when Alex stands on the steps, clutching the door, and murmurs, "I want to talk to you?" 

It's a question, and the way his voice sounds so feeble perks my interest. He's giving me the control over the conversation. He's allowing me to decide when I talk to him. 

I just nod, eyes focused on the Wendy's across the street. The signs are advertising some new burger with sliced ham. He cautiously picks his way over to me and squats down. He won't sit on the ground and I observe his white shorts; he doesn't want them dirty. 

It's quite for a moment until I lazily flick my eyes over to him. He takes that as a cue and looks at his feet. "I've been a real prick to you lately." Damn right, you have,  but I don't say anything and a red Honda pulls into the fast food restaurant. I glance back at him. His mouth is pulled tightly, biting his lower lip and the bruise looks to be a bit worse than before. "And it's not even your fault." He gives a dry laugh. 

It sounds exactly how I remember it. Remembered it from before all this happened. I'm smiling, but he kills it with three words. "It's my parents." 

My face darkens and I let out a breathy, " Oh. " I hate them, I think, remembering how a few months earlier they'd disregarded me with what I'd imagine would have been a scowl and a scream of Alex, demanding him to be realistic:  he shouldn't have adopted me.  

I'm staring hard at my shoes, mirroring him. Choosing my words carefully I reply, "They didn't make you act that way." 

He nods once. "I know." 

The wind is blowing his hair in all directions, messing it up when I turn to him. "What'd they do?"

He smiles softly, shakes his head. "Doesn't matter. It doesn't excuse how I've treated you." 

 You jerk. You won't tell me why you've done this? Ignored my calls at school, called me names? Yelled to many times to count?  "I need to know why you've been an ass to me Alex. Tell me or I'll never trust you again." I don't mean this as a threat, but a reaction. A cause of an event that may or may not last only a few seconds, but has an everlasting effect. I'm already cautious of him. To deny me information would mean disaster. I would close off from him completely, and as much as I hate this, I know I won't be able to stop it if it comes to it. I don't want this to happen. 

Alex turns to me and his eyes are serious. Pools of brown chocolate that are zoned into mine and he pulls me toward him and kisses my forehead. "I don't want you to hate me, kid." 

The way he says that reminds me of Zack and I quickly shoot back. "I'm not a kid you know. Only a few years younger than you. Tell me." Almost a decade, but still. We can connect a lot easier with such a little time frame separating us. 

"They disapprove overall, for one, and this has been going on for a few months." He runs a hand through his hair. "They think I've completely fucked up my life because I'm in a band and am a legal guardian to you, which means years later down the road, if my patch of ground in the music industry doesn't hold up, we're both screwed." He pauses. "I never got my college education."

 Sorry for being a burden , I want to spit, but I don't because Alex sounds so honest and I know he's trying to fix this. I just start tugging at my hair until Alex gives me a pointed look. He knows my habits too well. 

"And just recently -three days ago really- when all this shit really went down." His head is in his hands and he let's out a sigh. "I gotta call from an attorney." he gives a dry laugh and turns at me with this crazed look. "They've disowned me." He's pulling at his hair now and his fist are clenched tightly around brown strands. "Fuck it." And he starts laughing again like he's just told me this wonderful joke. 

I have no idea what to say. I knew when I'd arrived at the Barakat's instead of the Gaskarth's something was up. I didn't know it was this bad though, that they were  this  opposed to me. 

And then he suddenly turns back to me and says quite rushed, "I would never do that to you, you know? I get I've been really crude these last few weeks, but I can't ever see me, like, disowning you." He cracks a smile. "But forget about it. Your too much fun." He glances back at the Wendy's and I focus on my shoes. "We all enjoy your company, Phoenix. And hell, your  my  responsibility now. I should've been focused on you instead of forcing all my annoyance out on you." 

"'S okay." In fact, it really wasn't, but I'm taking his comment as a apology and I want all this behind us. 

Then he's grinning again. Curious. Not a good thing. "You pissed on my sheets, didn't you?" 

My face heats up and I turn away, biting my lip, but cracking a smile as well. "Uh..." I laugh. "Funny story, really." 

"Oh,  come  on and spill! My sheets smelled like shampoo last night and I didn't wash them, and as much as Rian said he did it, I don't believe him." The way Alex is joking makes me smile even more and it feels like a ten ton weight that was hanging above us has just been removed. The tension is fleeting. 

"Ha. Yeah." And I proceed to tell him everything Rian and Jack and Zack had promised not to tell. About me running away.  Again . Stealing the card. About me washing the sheets and making the bunks. About the cigarettes and how Zack was pissed. 

He's smiling, but I know he isn't happy about the last bit. Everything else he'd joked with, making comments about  who washes sheets with shampoo and soap?  And  if I was my age, he would've probably done the same.  But the cigs and Zack turn him serious. "He told me about that, actually." When I don't reply, he takes the moment to fill in the silence. "He's just watching out for you. He told me he doesn't want you hurt again." He grins, looking at me and now with this lighter turn of the conversation, his face seems to glow even with the bruise. "It's strange, though. Zack doesn't really get close to many people, and I know it's been months that you two have been around each other, but it isn't that hard to tell he's shy. I'm just amazed at how quickly he's taken a liking to you." 

I want to smile, but I hold it back.  "Same with Rian." I pick at my shoe laces and let my grin grow as I continue talking. "I remember being freaked out about meeting him last year. At the hospital, 'member? And I would hardly talk to him. And then a few months later, he's with picking me up along with Jack and carting me back home."

He smiles. "About that, don't pull that shit again. Your too young to be partying." 

I scoff, choke on a laugh. "I'm not exactly innocent, 'Lex." 

To this, he replies, "I know," in a very cautious manner and I think he's confused about what type on innocent I'm speaking of, when in reality I mean  all  of it. My history with drugs  and  my childhood abuse. 

Before the words can properly from in my mouth for a reply, the sky is shaking and rumbling like bad indigestion and I don't have time to laugh at my analogy before the rain starts  plip, plip, plipping down until it becomes a nuisance, but even so I'm still sitting here looking at the large pregnant clouds and feeling the rain soak though my - er, Jack's  -borrowed shirt. I feel so alive. 

"Come on." Alex pushes himself up with his hand- the arm with his skeleton tattoo- before holding out a hand to me. His hair is already wet and matted down, but the way he's grinning I know he really doesn't care. 

"I don't want to go in yet..." I whisper. He can't hear me : the rain is too heavy, but he knows exactly what I've said. He shakes his hand again for emphasis and I frown before taking it, but not before he's reassuring me, "Just looking out for you, 'Nix. I don't want you sick. We need to get going anyways."

I take a glance back over at Wendy's and watch as a child dashes into the parking lot towards the dryness of their car, and my heart stops beating momentarily as another car barely misses him. Alex seems to have missed the whole scene, because he's pulling at me. "Phoenix, come on!" I blink, but when I open my eyes, the child is being wrapped up safely in his mothers arms and as I start moving -feet shuffling under mud and sod; Alex's arm securely repositioned around my waist in a more brotherly manner than parental - I feel at peace.