Taion

It was different…different that made me feel extremely uneasy. I had no idea what the difference was until I bit my lip in the pain. It was shooting up my back, my spine as I sat up on the bed , and I had a pretty good idea what it was from, but I didn’t wish for a diagnoses at the moment. That’s when I noticed my lip ring, and my eyes widened in confusion and fear. I turned my head to the side and gazed in the mirror, noticing: I was exactly as I was now…I was in my sixteen year old body. I wanted to laugh, because I knew this wasn’t happening -that it couldn’t happen if I was sixteen, because he was already in prison and I was out of his hands.

Then the door opened and I had myself second guessing…because there he was, looming over me with that sick smirk. He stretched out his hand and I back away into the headboard, pulling the sheets up to my shoulders protectively and grimacing at the pain that was now radiating in my lower region.

“Hush, now, JJ. We wouldn’t want Christine to hear.” A sob that I didn’t know was there escaped my lips and I frantically shook my head. I hated that name; his name for me. JJ. Just like I hated him and his friends that violated me and tortured me. I slid over, tyring to ignore the pain and just get out of there. That was all that mattered. Get. Out. My brain was screaming, and then so was I when he lunged at me and pinned me on the mattress, holding my arms above my head with one hand. The other he used to cover my mouth and muffle the pleas. The man I’d known to call ‘daddy’ looked at the door and yelled, “You can come in now. He’s restrained!”

Restrained. Like an animal. My eyes flicked to the door. A man walked in a hand on another boy’s shoulder. The boy, was, I guess, you could say –like me. He was ‘restrained’, his mouth taped up, his eyes blinded with a strip of black cloth and his hands were tied behind his back. From deep within his throat, I could still hear him whine softly. The man pushed the boy forward, causing him to stumble and fall to his knees. The child’s face was pressed into the carpet as the other man kicked the boy in the back.

‘Dad’ nodded towards the other man and then towards the desk. “Get me a zip tie.” The man did as told, opening the night stand and pulling on a new unused plastic zip tie. He handed it to my sperm donator. Sperm donator released his grip on my mouth and allowed my cries to be heard as he clamped my hands together. My struggling was useless.
But my mouth wasn’t. I spat in his face and called him a female dog, smirking as I did so.

He sneered, his eyes traveling down to my mouth and took my piercing in his fingertips, toying with it before slightly tugging at it to cause pain. “This hurt, whore?”

I whined and closed my eyes as if to avoid the pain. It was working. I could feel him smirking as he pulled back and told the other man to also get a piece of tape. He slapped it over my mouth before I could spit at him again. And with me fully restrained now, he pulled me from my position out of the bed.

I was filthy. I could feel it, and I was still naked. I hunched over, and tried to shield my exposed lower half with my zip-tied-closed hands. The other man turned towards my sperm donator –that’s now his appropriate name- and nodded towards the two of us: the boy and me. “They’ve got twenty minutes before they have to start whoring. Just leave ‘em here.”

“Planning too.” My ‘dad’ agreed. He shoved me forwards, almost causing me to stumble into the boy and fall. The other man walked over to the other boy and grabbed onto the cloth that was currently covering his eyes before jerking it free.

The younger boy bowed his head before I could see his face. And then they left. He slowly lifted his head and as he did so I wanted to ask, “Are you alright?” But I would have stopped myself saying it if I could speak, if the tape wasn’t restraining me from talking.

Because staring back at me was two very large brown doe eyes. You could tell they’d once held a glint of happiness in them, but at the moment they were dull and lifeless. Staring back at me was a boy, maybe around seven or eight –with dark hair clinging to his face -, and whom I could tell was deathly afraid of heights. How, you ask? Were we on a rollercoaster or something? Or in a lounge on a private jet?

I knew he was afraid of heights because the boy staring back at me was Phoenix Envy Stokes.

I woke up with a jerk and instantly touched my piercing. It wasn’t sore –like someone had jerked on it, but it felt so real. I glance at my hands, their shaking again and I want to hit myself for falling asleep after my latest dream, but I don’t. Instead, I look towards the kitchen, hearing shuffling from in there, and stand up uneasily. Baby steps, I tell myself, because I’m not entirely sure what I can and can’t do after another dream like that.

I found my footing fine, however, and is very confused when I see Avery is in the kitchen making himself a glass of soda. “Avery?” I ask, hating my voice, because it sounds shaky and weak. His big eyes get even bigger.

“Phoenix. You ok now?” I nod and slide into a seat at the table. He mocks my actions and sits in front of me, running his fingertip around the lip of the glass but I take it from him and take a sip. I need the caffeine.

“How’d you get in?”

His green eyes dart to the counter top and he traces random patterns. “I saw where you put the key. –And I’d been waiting outside forever and it was getting cold, but I had to get you book bag to you, and-“ The question’s made him nervous and he’s started rambling. I glance at the time on the oven. It’s 4:59 and I turn back to him.

“How long had you been standing out there?”

He shrugs and looks away, but I know he’s not telling the truth. He knows exactly how long he’s been standing out there, but I let it slide. Avery isn’t very open about these things. He allows his hand to glide across the table and take back his drink, once more swirling his finger around the rim.

“How was class?”

He shrugged again, going into what Marcy and Adrian would proclaimed to be his “quite mode”. He had these moods often in conversations. He started out the door and a small smile appeared. I grin stupidly and look away. A smile from Avery is rarity and you’re lucky if you get one a day. Today, I believe he’s smiled three times: once a lunch, once when he dropped me off, and now. I look at the window to see what he’s smiling at.

Cricket’s in the window, her head cocked to the side, and pawing at the floor. She wants to come in. But I can’t. It’s against the rules. I turn to face Avery, he’s still staring at Cricket, and then waves at her…as if she can wave back. “You like dogs?” I ask.

Avery turns to me with that “I’m a deer in headlights. Please don’t hit me with your Hummer and kill me. I mean, think of your awesome car!” look. His eyes are wide and it looks as if he’s just been asked to join an Olympics team…not a question about his likes. Finally, he regains him composure and looks back at Cricket. “Yes, but we can’t afford one. I had one when I was small. A Jack Rustle named Jinx.” Avery bites his lip and grins again. Four times today in counting, and half of them just by talking about dogs. He must really like animals, I think. “He was a mess.”

I stand up and offer him my hand, pulling him from his seat. “C’mon. You can meet Cricket. She’s really nice.” I laugh, “But she probably hates me now because I didn’t come out and see her earlier.”

He bites his lip and lets me pull him up and drag him to the sliding screen door. I pull it open –only a bit –so Cricket couldn’t push through and get into the house, and slide outside in between the thin space. I allow Avery to follow me before closing the door shut. Just as expected, when I turn back around the dog had tackled me to the ground and started to viscously lick my face. I smile and push Cricket away, introducing her to Avery. She loved him.

We sat outside forever, talking about anything and everything. It was the most I’d ever heard Avery talk and he surprisingly told me just about anything I wanted to know. Family? No dad, just mom and a younger brother and sister named Vyvyan and Molly. Hobbies? He enjoys drama and acting. Future plans? Move to a bigger city than Baltimore and pursue a career in film.

“…But what about the bills? What’s all that about?” Cricket, who currently had her head resting on Avery’s lap flicked her eyes up to me and whined.

Avery shrugged looking away and mumbled, “Just nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

I pouted, but Avery just laughed at me and told me that I looked like a kid when I pouted. That caused me to pout more which in return caused Avery to laugh again, falling backwards and shocking Cricket. As he came down from his laughing high the screen door opened and in a blur of pinks, I’d been tackled again by Emma.

Cricket leapt up from Avery’s lap and rushed at the child, licking her to death. She laughed, her giggle sounding like a wind chime. She had yet to notice Avery and instead kissed my cheek. “I missed you so much, today, Birdie! I painted you a picture, though!”

I grinned. “You did? Well, first, Em, this is Avery.” I pointed at the small boy that was sitting in front of me. She turned quickly, eyeing him with a criticizing perspective. Avery blushed madly once the attention had been turned back to him and looked down at the ground, stretching his hand out for Cricket. The dog nuzzled her nose into his palm, demanding to be petted, and he did so gladly.

“Why is he here?”

“Emma, be nice. He’s a friend.”

“…He has really big eyes.”

“…”

And if suddenly by some random change in mood she smiles and announces, “…They’re really pretty.”

Avery looks up and smiles. “Thank you. You’re very pretty yourself. How old are you?”

Emma smiles proudly and un-clings herself from around me. She holds out her hand, as if giving him a high five. “I’m five! I’ll be six in May.”

Avery grins politely and tells her she’s very smart for knowing her numbers, but he has to leave. Emma pouts and stamps her foot very childishly. “But I just met you!” She whines and rushes over to him, clutching onto his hand. “C’mon! I haven’t even shown you my room yet!”

Avery stumbles foreword as Emma starts tugging him inside and he glances at me quickly. Help me, his eyes say, and I want to laugh. Cricket is running around, barking, and trying to gain more attention as the spotlight has now left her and is focused on Avery.

“Emma, Avery is probably tired. He had to drop me off, go back to school, then came back by here to check on me.”

She cocks her head to the side. “Check on you? Are you sick, Birdie?” She releases Avery’s hand and walks over to, motioning for me to sit down so she can reach my forehead and “check my temperature.”

I nod at her as she pulls her hand away. “But you can’t tell anyone I got out early, alright? It’s our secret.” She nods and I smile at her, ruffling her hair and causing her annoyance. “…Is Mrs. Barakat here? Or was it Mr. Barakat that picked you up?”

“It was Miss Joyce.” But I realize how dumb my question was because as soon as we all walk back into the kitchen Mrs. Barakat is standing over the stove, already making dinner. It smelled delicious and I realized it was chicken stir-fry. My mouth slightly watered as she turned to greet me.

“Hello, Phoenix, dear.” Her eyes widened slightly when she saw Avery. “Oh! I didn’t expect company tonight. What’s your name, dear? Will you be staying?” Avery shook his head quickly and pointed at the door, his shyness getting the best of him and he refused to speak.

“His name’s Avery,” I answer for him. “He’s a friend from school.”

Miss Joyce smiles politely and greets him as well. I catch Avery looking at the door and it becomes clear to me that he feels suffocated. I tug on his sleeve and flick my eyes to the door. He looks relieved when I present an exit in front of him and I turn on my heel, expecting him to flow me but when I hear his voice, it shocks me.

“Ma’am I was actually wondering if you would mind if Phoenix could hang out on Friday? We’re all going to hang out and watch movies at my house. We’ll probably crash there as well…so would it be fine if he could come and spend the night?”

Hang out? Watch movies? I’m confused and my face shows it. “Hang out?” I spit out, staggered.

Avery glares at me, trying to clue me in. “C’mon Phoenix. We all talked about this over lunch.” He rolls his eyes playfully and turns back to Mrs. Barakat blinking his green eyes childlike. And then it clicks. The party. And I almost want to face palm for being so stupid, but I resist the temptation and just nod and say, “Oh! Sorry I forgot.” And look up at Miss Joyce hoping she won’t see through out lie.

She stares Avery down, looking for any cracks in his armor and trying to figure out if he’s truth or not. Avery blinks again and it occurs to me that Marcy isn’t the only drama professional at our table anymore. Avery passed off the innocent look with flying colors and with two words Mrs. Barakat agreed to the whole idea.

“No porno.”