I'm Swimming I'm Drowning

Mikey looks back up at the window. The distressed look on Gerard’s face is all it takes.
Mikey is bolting up the stairs, almost falling down them as he does so.

When he gets to the door he has to physically stop himself from crashing inside. The nurse comes to open the door, Gerard in tow, when she hears the knock.

“Oh, hello Mr. Way, I was just giving Gerard his medications,” she smiles at Mikey.

Mikey hates the way she smiles at him all the time. He just wants her to let go of Gerard.

“That won’t be necessary,” he says, as he pulls Gerard away from her.

Gerard whimpers, and lays his head against Mikey’s chest; it makes Mikey’s heart ache.

The nurse tries sticking Gerard with the needle again but Mikey stops her, pulling Gerard against himself, making sure to cover his arms.

The nurse looks very confused at this. “Mr. Way, is there anything wrong?”

The way the nurse keeps looking down at Gerard scares him, so Mikey kisses the top of his hair.

In a hoarse voice Mikey answers, “You can go now; we won’t be in need of any of your services anymore.”

Mikey knows that probably doesn’t make much sense to the nurse, but he really wishes she would get the hint.

“Oh, I see?” The nurse asks in a questioning tone.

She straightens her dress and looks up expectantly to Mikey.

Mikey says nothing more, and Gerard just whimpers.

The nurse, although annoyed, gathers her things and leaves back to the station.

Once Mikey hears the front door downstairs shut he hugs Gerard tightly, and let’s a tear slip down his cheek. “I love you so much, do you know that?”

Gerard turns his head to kiss Mikey’s neck.

“But I love you more.” Gerard says in a sing-song voice, making Mikey smile.

Gerard questions if he has to stay in here still, but Mikey promises he doesn’t.

“Does that mean I can sleep in your room tonight Mikey?” Gerard asks.

It would be nice to have him in there tonight, instead of hearing him cry, alone up in his room, Mikey thinks.

“Yeah, Sure Gerard, get some stuff and we’ll bring it down.” Mikey smiles at Gerard, Gerard is just happy Mikey’s paying attention to him again.

They carry the things Gerard picked out to bring, including his X-Men pajama set, with Mikey leading the way in front of Gerard.

On the third step down, Gerard is close enough to smell the familiar smell of his brother Mikey.

For him, it’s completely comforting.

When they get down the stairs Mikey goes inside his room to set up Gerard’s stuff.

Meanwhile, Gerard finds himself a place on the couch and turns on the T.V.

Dawn of The Dead is still in the VCR from the last movie night they had, paused in the middle because Gerard had said his head hurt too much to watch it; Mikey had carried him to his own bed to sleep in.

About five minutes of the movie had been running when Mikey comes out to tell Gerard to change into his pajamas.

“Okay.” Gerard says, which is awfully cooperative for Gerard for such a demand, Mikey thinks.

Mikey also notices he’s decided to watch Dawn of the Dead, again.

Only meaning Gerard will have some nightmares tonight, for sure.

But still, it’s their movie.

Thirsty, Mikey walks off into the kitchen to pour a glass of soda for himself.

Gerard comes out of the room, wearing his X-Men pajamas.

Mikey turns when he hears Gerard’s pattering footsteps. “Oh, those are your favorite, aren’t they” Mikey states.

Gerard pulls at the hem, as per his mannerisms, “Yes” he smirks at Mikey.

Mikey smirks back, eyebrows raised throwing Gerard into laughter.

Mikey hops the kitchen counter and runs over to tickle Gerard.

This is how Mikey likes it.

He felt so wrong when Gerard was upstairs.

Sometimes Mikey does wonder though, if this is wrong. They’re older now; playing together in bed doesn’t usually pass after nine.

Gerard’s twenty nine years old.

“How do you feel about this?” Mikey whispers in Gerard’s ear. They end up sprawled across Mikey’s bed, with Mikey holding Gerard against his side.

Gerard looks at Mikey confused. “About what?” Gerard fidgets with a strand of his inky hair.

Mikey sits up on his elbows. “You don’t think we’re too old to be doing this do you?” Mikey doesn’t know why he’s asking him, but he’s having sort of a crisis at the moment.

Being not sure how to handle Gerard anymore; Gerard’s changing. The other night was prime example.

“We’re not bad.” Gerard says, almost successfully yanking several clumps of hair out.

“Don’t do that” Mikey grabs Gerard’s clammy hand out of his hair.

Gerard looks at Mikey and just smiles.

Mikey only rolls his eyes. “Gerard, I think you’re smarter than you let me think, huh?”

Gerard doesn’t say anything, he tries to free his hand but Mikey won’t let go.

Gerard whines at this. “Mikey” he draws out. “Let go.”

Mikey doesn’t, “Just answer the question Gerard” Mikey laughs.

They tug back and forth, Mikey still not letting go of Gerard.

“Just stop okay, fucking cut it out Gerard.” Mikey yells, as Gerard focuses on the sharp teeth in Mikey’s mouth.

Gerard cries and he’s visibly scared.

Mikey feels bad; the way Gerard cowers to him makes him feel like a monster.

“Gerard, promise me you’re not going to try and hurt me again, that was so bad. Do you get that?”

Gerard averts his gaze.

“Gee, you don’t wanna hurt me do you? They say you will, but there’s no way I’ll believe that, not anymore. Aren’t I right Gerard, you’d never hurt me?”

There’s a lump in Gerard’s throat, he can’t swallow. And he’s watching the way Mikey’s speaking, he wishes Mikey would let go because it’s very loud.

Mikey finally let’s go of Gerard. “I’m scared okay, that’s why I yelled.” And Mikey faces the other way.

Gerard nods, he lays his head against Mikey. Gerard mumbles, “I think I’m smart too.”

He looks up at Mikey. The way he looks makes him seem like a child, most things Gerard does are childlike.

Gerard yawns and rubs his eyes and Mikey knows he’s probably tired now, after having the nurse handle him as she did. Of course Mikey knows his rampage didn’t help either,

Mikey’s just trying so hard to keep Gerard here, with him. When he yelled, it meant he cared Gerard.