I'm Swimming I'm Drowning

Several months have passed, with Mikey and Gerard under the same roof. Nobody had thought Mikey made the right choice, that was evident in the careless whispering of the company in the Way household.

Still people were impressed with how Mikey has been managing Gerard. Not one outburst from Gerard has occurred since the last night on the dock. Mikey has been feeling really good about this. Like no one else in this world really knows Gerard like he does. Nobody else can help or take care of Gerard like his little brother.

And it's true, having that nurse there was doing nothing to make Gerard better. In fact she had only made things worse. The decision to let her go was a good one Mikey believes. For nights afterward Mikey had let Gerard sleep with him in his room upon frequent request. And Mikey felt awful about it, so he would hold Gerard in his arms as he finally fell alseep each night.

Still the brothers have not re-visited the pier or the waters there they had always frequented before the accident. Accident is the word Mikey had chosen to call what had happened. Sometimes though after Mikey has finally gotten Gerard to fall asleep, sometime in the early morning or late night, Mikey wonders if Gerard remembers what happened...

Nothing of that night has really been mentioned again. But Mikey still has to wonder, wonder why? Not that Mikey is even mad at Gerard, he still just can't understand why Gerard did that. And sometimes, if Mikey lets his head wander around the subject of it, the thoughts of maybe Gerard hates him flood his mind.

And right now Mikey just wnats these thoughts to go away because they hurt entirely too much. He's not sure he's got may tears left to cry tonight.

Gerard is laying his head in Mikey's lap, legs sprawled across the bottom of the bed. And Mikey's hands have been in Gerard's mop of hair for hours now, going between making circular motions on Gerard's scalp with his fingertips or choosing of their own accord to play with a certain strand of hair here or there.

That's how Gerard was finally able to fall asleep; to let his eyes be concealed by their lids and for his mind to rest. All the bad things had left his consciousness and everything was quiet. Mikey was there as well as sleep, these days the two were going hand in hand.

Mikey loves it...having Gerard there everyday and everynight, there with him and never wanting to leave his side, when night comes and Gerard can never get enough of Mikey it seems. And Mikey will give all of himself to Gerard...everything Gerard wants to take. If that's wrong, Mikey simply doesn't care. Gerard is too perfect to care, he's too perfect to give away to someone else to try and fix. When selfishly Mikey knows only he can hold Gerard in such a way, a way only a brother could, but also in a way that's more.

And at first, yeah, Mikey had been afraid of it all. He was afraid of some of the things he had begun to want from Gerard and things he had wanted to do for him. The way Mikey had only previously felt towards his boyfriends and girlfriends, he was feeling towards his own brother. It frightens Mikey how he wants to kiss Gerard's lips now when the tears fall into pools there; how he wants to be able to let his tongue slip inside and drain every goddamn place that's bad, and refill them with his love. For him to give Gerard a place finally safe to play and not get hurt.