The Secret Website

BILLIE'S POV

I never would have thought possible the idea of me and Tre ever being together.

I was clearly proven wrong, though. The only thing I seemed able to think was "oh.my.God."

We just lay there, on the soft emerald grass, under a starry sky, the last golden ray of sunshine disappearing slowly behind the horizon line.

We didn't bother to stand up and sit on the bench which was only a few feet away, we were happy right where we were, sharing soft loving kisses once in a while, or looking into each other's eyes.

After some time I rolled off from top of him and just lay beside him.

I smiled as I felt his hand searching mine, finding it and grabbing it tight.

I turned my head to look at him, but he was looking up at the stars, his eyes sparkling. I kept looking at him, thinking why, oh why, didn't I notice this sooner... I could have avoided three whole years of suffering so much and crying my eyes out every fucking night. For what felt like hours I kept staring at him, transfixed by his icy eyes, barely noticing that he was rubbing his thumb on the back of my hand.

Then he stopped suddenly, I glanced down at our hands and smiled when I saw our linked fingers. But when I looked back up at him, my smiled disappeared instantly.

A tear rolled down his cheek and fell to the ground.

My heart skipped a beat.

"Hey..." I said to catch his attention, but when he kept not looking at me, I insisted.

"Hey..." I repeated, bringing my free hand up to his face to caress his cheek slowly.

"Please, don't cry, what's the matter?"

He sniffed and started talking.

"Why... what on Earth kept me from noticing this... this feeling we both share... I was so thick not to realize that all the funny and weird things you said and did were all signs, I should've known, I should've understood it straight away, but no! I was so fucking blind, and always trying to cover it all up with... you know, her... because I didn't want you to notice, I was afraid to... to scare you away, but I couldn't stand it, it was eating me up from the inside and... Oh, I've so stupid! And look... look what I would've done..."

His voice drifted away, and he was now standing on his feet eyeing sadly where he stood just before I stopped him. He took a few stepst forward.

I stood up, too, and hugged him from behind.

"Tre," I whispered, "please don't say that, ever again. I may not know everything you've been through, but trust me, you've got no idea of all the things that I have been through, and..:"

I stopped, my mind suddenly filled with one thought only: Mike

"Don't you dare to just leave me here and walk away after I've just told you my feelings, that'd kill anybody!"

That'd kill anybody...

Those words kept ringing in my ears.

I've done the same thing, twice in a day. Fucking twice in a fucking day. There must be some kind of award for being that stupid.

What.an.IDIOT!

"..and?"

Tre's voice reached my ears from far far away, or so it seemed. I looked at him and noticed he had turned around to face me.

"...and Mike." I said softly, as I looked down. My voice was barely audible over the sound of the cold wind which was blowing stronger every second and was making me shiver.

I felt Tre's gaze on me and I didn't want to meet it.

"M-Mike?" He repeated.

"What about Mike?" he went on, his voice shaking slightly.

"Tre... I'm sorry, I've got to go."

"But... why?" he said, sounding almost desperate.

"Because. Please, don't ask, I'll tell you some day, I'm sure you'll understand."

He just looked at me.

I kissed him full on the lips, trying to let him know what I couldn't say with words. I smiled at him and he smiled back and I knew he wouldn't ask any more questions. I grabbed his hands tight for a split second, then I turned around and ran. I got out of the park and I was still running.

I ran and ran down the dark streets, I turned a corner and

BUM!

I was lying flat on my back with a huge pain in my head. I struggled to get up.

"Watch where the hell you're... You?"

If I was ready to throw insults at whoever it was I had bumped into, when really it was my fault, I was even more ready now that I saw the person.

A girl was looking down at me, offering to help me to get up.

"Sorry," she kept saying, "I'm so sorry, are you OK?"

I couldn't really think straight but I was not surprised when I found myself nearly yelling at her.

"You... you've got no idea... for years... him... now you... I hate you! Leave me the hell alone, you... you ruined my whole life, go AWAY!!"

And I ran again, before she could answer back, I ran away, from her, from my thoughts, I just ran. I even forgot where I was supposed to run to, till I found myself gasping for breath on his doorstep.