The Secret Website
you broke me! But I still love you...
You... I can't even find a word which is bad enough for what you did to me!!
Well, you didn't exactly do anything bad, but... you're so fucking blind!!
Here I am, trying to let you know how much I love you without being too... evident, and there you are, trying to get her to notice you!
You. Are. Fucking. Blind!
1) She always makes fun of you, I always tell you, but you never seem to care. Love can do such things to you, I know, but, this!
2) You once said that you would never fall in love with a girl you never got to know before. And now??
3) You have changed. That bitch changed you. You were once caring, almost too much. You were always worried for those things I did to myself. You kind of protected me. You always kept my mind from breaking into thousands of little pieces. You were... and are, everything, to me.
There was a period when we were so close. That famous night we spent watching Wild Wild West and stuff... It seemed you... we could've been a couple back then, the way you were acting.
And now, she changed you. You are not yourself anymore. I can't see the person I used to see, in you. I look into your eyes and meet... her.
Always her. I can't stand this, I'm telling you. But you're so blind.
You are not you.
Please, come back the way you were. I'm nothing without you.
I'm serious. I'm dead serious.
Please.
Hell, you know, when I started this website, I would have never imagined how much I'd end up writing. I don't even know what it is that I'm writing, till I've written it.
The only thing I do know, is that everything I write, is for you.
But this is so hard... It's hard saying what you truly think. Because you’re afraid to be judged, to show yourself for what you really are.
I was angry, alright, but… It’s impossible to stay angry at you.
Because you’re everything I have in my life, and saying “I’m not gonna talk to you, ever again, ‘cause I’m mad at you” it’s just like… like not having you there anymore, like… losing you.
I would be just like those old Medioeval men who found their way looking at the stars, only, in a cloudy night. I’d lose myself.
I would be just like a poet or a writer, who got the inspiration but he doesn’t have pen and paper, he can’t write it down, so he loses it and the chance to become someone.
I would be just like a compass to the north pole… I just can’t work.
And every time, I am actually amazed at how important you are and you’ve been to me, whenever I needed it. Even if you couldn’t you were always there for me.
It was when you couln’t be there for me for real, that I did the most stupid things… who would have ever imagined it…
Yet… I could try till I die, but never, never, never I could be mad at you for more than one day.
And after all, I keep thanking you. For everything you always do for me. Maybe you don’t see it, but you do so much for me. Even with “her” around.
And I keep thanking you for everything that I learn from you. You don’t say, but everytime I learn something new, something I didn’t know before. Little things which, put by themselves, don’t mean anything, but… put them all together. You’ll find all the improvements of my life.
It nearly makes me laugh, YOU teaching ME something? Maybe you’re laughing, too, I don’t know. Plus, I don’t look like the guy that learns from others, specially from you. And yet, I am here.
I am still here.
I LOVE YOU.
I don’t say it too often, but when I say it, it’s… I don’t know what it is, but today, it’s for you. And today, just like every other day, I would have to add the words “so much”, but I’d have to write so many “o”s after “so” that I might as well write “too” instead of “so”.
“I’m trying to let you know how much you mean as days fade.”
Sorry if I’m quoting this song, but. It’s got nothing to do with what the whole song says. Just read it as it is.
You know, up to now, I never, I repeat, NEVER found anything more true, in any other song.
I really don’t know what to write, anymore. I would quote hundreds of songs, but I don’t have much time…
You know, I was thinking… Sometimes, it really is true that, silence is more worth than 1000 words… Those silences between us, after all the films we ever watched at your place. With mobile phones ringing when they shouldn’t be… !!!
So many unspoken words… Damn, I miss that night. I miss all of our nights!
I miss every single wonderful moment we had… I wish I could live them again, just to forget the bad ones.
Well, I really have to go now… I’m trying to say everything, really, but… there is THE one thing I never told you…
I could say again, my biggest fear… I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to grow distant from you. Sometimes, I’m afraid to do or say something which may upset you so much, you wouldn’t want to talk to me anymore… I’m afraid… I had so many nightmares about this… so fucking many…
But I don’t wanna think too much about what it’s gonna happen, otherwise I’ll miss what is already happening… But still, it’s so hard to live the present time, without thinking about the future. It’s as hard as forgetting the past.
There are so many things which are hard to do… or say… but, day by day, we’ll solve everything.
If I were a fallen angel… You’d be the one who would fix my wings, and we’d fly together…
The world isn’t black, the rain can’t fall for forever…
And this… I learned it from you.
I love you, Tre Cool.
BJ
xoxo
Well, you didn't exactly do anything bad, but... you're so fucking blind!!
Here I am, trying to let you know how much I love you without being too... evident, and there you are, trying to get her to notice you!
You. Are. Fucking. Blind!
1) She always makes fun of you, I always tell you, but you never seem to care. Love can do such things to you, I know, but, this!
2) You once said that you would never fall in love with a girl you never got to know before. And now??
3) You have changed. That bitch changed you. You were once caring, almost too much. You were always worried for those things I did to myself. You kind of protected me. You always kept my mind from breaking into thousands of little pieces. You were... and are, everything, to me.
There was a period when we were so close. That famous night we spent watching Wild Wild West and stuff... It seemed you... we could've been a couple back then, the way you were acting.
And now, she changed you. You are not yourself anymore. I can't see the person I used to see, in you. I look into your eyes and meet... her.
Always her. I can't stand this, I'm telling you. But you're so blind.
You are not you.
Please, come back the way you were. I'm nothing without you.
I'm serious. I'm dead serious.
Please.
Hell, you know, when I started this website, I would have never imagined how much I'd end up writing. I don't even know what it is that I'm writing, till I've written it.
The only thing I do know, is that everything I write, is for you.
But this is so hard... It's hard saying what you truly think. Because you’re afraid to be judged, to show yourself for what you really are.
I was angry, alright, but… It’s impossible to stay angry at you.
Because you’re everything I have in my life, and saying “I’m not gonna talk to you, ever again, ‘cause I’m mad at you” it’s just like… like not having you there anymore, like… losing you.
I would be just like those old Medioeval men who found their way looking at the stars, only, in a cloudy night. I’d lose myself.
I would be just like a poet or a writer, who got the inspiration but he doesn’t have pen and paper, he can’t write it down, so he loses it and the chance to become someone.
I would be just like a compass to the north pole… I just can’t work.
And every time, I am actually amazed at how important you are and you’ve been to me, whenever I needed it. Even if you couldn’t you were always there for me.
It was when you couln’t be there for me for real, that I did the most stupid things… who would have ever imagined it…
Yet… I could try till I die, but never, never, never I could be mad at you for more than one day.
And after all, I keep thanking you. For everything you always do for me. Maybe you don’t see it, but you do so much for me. Even with “her” around.
And I keep thanking you for everything that I learn from you. You don’t say, but everytime I learn something new, something I didn’t know before. Little things which, put by themselves, don’t mean anything, but… put them all together. You’ll find all the improvements of my life.
It nearly makes me laugh, YOU teaching ME something? Maybe you’re laughing, too, I don’t know. Plus, I don’t look like the guy that learns from others, specially from you. And yet, I am here.
I am still here.
I LOVE YOU.
I don’t say it too often, but when I say it, it’s… I don’t know what it is, but today, it’s for you. And today, just like every other day, I would have to add the words “so much”, but I’d have to write so many “o”s after “so” that I might as well write “too” instead of “so”.
“I’m trying to let you know how much you mean as days fade.”
Sorry if I’m quoting this song, but. It’s got nothing to do with what the whole song says. Just read it as it is.
You know, up to now, I never, I repeat, NEVER found anything more true, in any other song.
I really don’t know what to write, anymore. I would quote hundreds of songs, but I don’t have much time…
You know, I was thinking… Sometimes, it really is true that, silence is more worth than 1000 words… Those silences between us, after all the films we ever watched at your place. With mobile phones ringing when they shouldn’t be… !!!
So many unspoken words… Damn, I miss that night. I miss all of our nights!
I miss every single wonderful moment we had… I wish I could live them again, just to forget the bad ones.
Well, I really have to go now… I’m trying to say everything, really, but… there is THE one thing I never told you…
I could say again, my biggest fear… I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to grow distant from you. Sometimes, I’m afraid to do or say something which may upset you so much, you wouldn’t want to talk to me anymore… I’m afraid… I had so many nightmares about this… so fucking many…
But I don’t wanna think too much about what it’s gonna happen, otherwise I’ll miss what is already happening… But still, it’s so hard to live the present time, without thinking about the future. It’s as hard as forgetting the past.
There are so many things which are hard to do… or say… but, day by day, we’ll solve everything.
If I were a fallen angel… You’d be the one who would fix my wings, and we’d fly together…
The world isn’t black, the rain can’t fall for forever…
And this… I learned it from you.
I love you, Tre Cool.
BJ
xoxo
♠ ♠ ♠
THIS IS NOT THE ENDI'll write more.
please comment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!