The New Union

I was doing my best to put myself in a happy place. I was thinking of bunnies, and kittens, and nice sunny fields full of daisies. Anything other than what I was about to do. I knew this was going to be brutal. Brutal, but necessary. A point needed to be made to these kind of people, and nothing quite sends a message to the male race than testicles in a paper cup. Well, actually we had Hello Kitty birthday party cups left over from Craig's niece's birthday. I felt it added a touch of style to the whole situation myself. I picked up the bolt cutters, and Tyrone began to question the way to go about the rest of the operation.

"Shit man, should we like... Give him something to bite down on? And how the fuck are we gonna stop the bleeding and shit?"

"Well Tyrone, do the man a favor and take your sock off. Then stuff it in his mouth and tape it up. He won't swallow his tongue that way. Lita knows how to sow stitches too, so we're good. I fully expect all of these motherfuckers to pass out from this whole ordeal. I know if I seen my balls in a cup, I'd probably have a pretty negative reaction."

"true that shit."

Tyrone took his shoes off, and then his socks. He then took my advice, and stuffed a sock into a reluctant Joe's mouth. It was slowly getting closer to the moment of truth, and I was starting to think I was going to pass out. We were really some sick sons of bitches for doing this.

"Are you ready?" Tyrone asked.

"Pull em down Tyrone," I answered as I thought about snuggling with kittens and smelling pretty flowers... It wasn't helping. Tyrone pulled down Joe's pants and I did my best to have no expression as I put the bolt cutters to Joe's scrotum. I wasn't here, I was petting bunnies right now, not cutting off a man's testicles. When I came out of my trance, Joe was passed out, and a stream of blood was cascading from in between his legs. Tyrone was gagging, and holding the Hello Kitty cup, dripping with blood on the sides.

"Hey man! You cut way too much! Stitches ain't gonna fix this shit!" Tyrone shouted.

"Well... Give me the torch. We'll seal it up like that."

"Man! You're gonna fucking burn his cock off homey!"

"He'll be fine," I said as I grabbed the torch, and put myself back in my happy place. I burned the wound shut, and came back to my senses. I didn't even want to look at my handy work, and neither did Tyrone. He pulled Joe's pants back up, and I heard the screams from the other room. Craig and Lita were hard at work fulfilling their end of the bargain. They were doing the same as Tyrone and I were doing. Except, they had to do this three times. I guess it might have been easier for a girl. Especially one like Lita, who's had more than a few prick ex boyfriends to want that kind of revenge against. Tyrone and I left the room, and waited for Craig and Lita to come out. When they did, Lita was laughing, and Craig was holding back his vomit.

"That was fucking disgusting!" Craig shouted.

"Oh, shut the fuck up! It wasn't that bad. They're just testicles!" Lita said.

"To a man though, that's all we have!" Craig replied. "It'd be like if we cut out your..."

"Okay! This conversation has gone too far! Let's just move on with the next part of the plan for fuck's sake," I said.

"What do we do with the balls Virgil? Just throw them out?" Lita asked.

"No, just give them each the cup with their balls in it," I answered.

"Well... We sort of just put them all in one," Lita regretfully informed me.

"Oh fucking Christ! Then just... Damn it! Burn em or something, I'm don't want that shit in the trash!" I shouted.

"Sorry Virgil," Craig replied.

"Its fine, don't worry about it guys. Did you sow them back up?" I asked.

"Yea, we took care of it," Lita answered.

"Well then load em up Craig, and we'll release these wounded ducks back into the wild," I said.

"I think this needs a little extra touch," Tyrone replied.

"What do you have in mind?" I asked.

"Fuck, you're the brains behind this shit, you tell me," Tyrone answered. I took a few seconds to think something out, and it hit me as if sent from a satellite straight to my brain.

"Go grab me the house paint from the garage. We'll... Highlight their new attributes."

Craig went and grabbed the house paint from the garage like I asked, and I proceeded to paint the words "Ignorance Prevented" on them. It wasn't easy, given those are two fairly big words, and the first one I painted was pretty sloppy, but by the time I had gotten to Joe, I was an expert at it. Then I painted a small arrow pointing down towards their lack of genitalia, and Craig loaded them into the van. We all piled in, and it was time for another trip. I felt better about this one though, given I was the one driving.

"Should we let them keep their clothes on when we send them out there?" Lita asked. "I mean, it is pretty fucking cold."

"Its fall, they'll live," I answered. "We stick to the plan."

We drove them halfway to the town we picked them up at, and stopped the van. The town they came from was a small, farming town. The kind where white people go to feel safe from the big, bad black people who are apparently robbing, killing and raping everything in sight. It was a concept that sickened me. Lita splashed them all with water to wake them up, and then proceeded to strip them once again. Craig tossed them out of the back of the van, and we left them stranded in the middle of the country. If they never found their way back, I wouldn't feel bad. I did know one thing, they were going to have to get some medical attention pretty quickly. We may have stitched them up, but I'm guessing they were still bleeding. Hey, we never claimed to be medical professionals. The internet can only teach you so much.

The car ride home was fairly quiet. I think we were all just a little disturbed by what we had done. As necessary to our cause as it was, it was still pretty brutal. We needed to show these people that we weren't fucking around though. The whole thing on the video was a bit exaggerated. We really weren't everywhere, not yet at least, but hopefully this little thing of ours would catch on, and we'd be nation wide in no time. We pulled into the driveway, and Tyrone and I went upstairs to start editing the video. Lita and Craig both went to sleep, while we burned the midnight oil.

We knew we couldn't post the video from our computer. Luckily, Tyrone was a bit of a computer whiz. You wouldn't think it from looking at him, or talking to him, but the man knew his way around a mouse and keyboard. He had already hacked some poor sap's computer a few days previous, and now we were using it to post our first video. We had a website, and all of the stuff you need for this sort of thing. It was all done from other people's IP addresses, so it couldn't be traced back to us. I knew it wouldn't be long before our message was out, and some sort of fear was instilled upon the redneck assholes of the world.

Tyrone and I got to bed around four thirty that morning. I should say I went to bed, I didn't go to sleep. I filled with a sort of nervous excitement. I wanted to know what the results were. I wanted to know who saw our video, and who was effected by it. Hell, I even wanted to know what happened to the sack-less rednecks we left naked and stranded in the country. Marta woke up at five to take the journey to work, and she noticed I was still awake.

"Did everything go okay last night?" she asked as she buttoned up her blouse.

"Yea, it went pretty smoothly. Did any of the screaming wake you up?"

"Oh no. I didn't even hear anything. You showered right? I don't want any blood in our bed Virgil."

"Yea mommy, I showered. It was mandatory, given I had testicle juices all over my hands."

"Did you guys put the video up then?"

"Yep, its all over the net right now. We'll probably see the results of it today or tomorrow."

"...I won't lie Virgil. I'm worried about this."

"I am too... But somebody has to do something don't they?"

"But why you!? Why do you have to be the one!?"

"I don't know baby... Maybe its because I'm the only one there is... Don't worry, its going to be fine."

"That's not helping. The more you tell me not to worry, the more worried I'm going to get... Virgil, I think you should know something."

"Okay... What is it?"

"...I'm late."

"Late for work? You seem like you're up earlier than..."

"No... Not that kind of late."

"...Oh shit... Shit."

"Just keep that in mind when you tell me not to worry."

Marta left the room and went downstairs. Leaving me staring at the ceiling and wondering if all of this was really going to be worth it. Fuck... Why'd she have to tell me that now? Now I was worried. I wasn't worried before, but now that I heard that bombshell, it changed my thinking entirely. I stared at the ceiling, and tried my best to close my eyes. If there was a God, I'd be praying to him right now. The last thing I need right now, is a kid.