My Beloved Monster

Bam went to get some papers from the radio room. He sighed passing that room.

It haunted him day and night sometimes. Especially when he would have to pass it on his way to the studio room when he'd host the radio show.

It made him wonder what she was doing at that moment. Or if she was looking at the moon when he did.

But, he would just clear those stupid thoughts and remind himself of September. That was such a shitty month.

Yet, this time he opened the door briefly instead of just passing by. Looking around at the untouched room.

No matter what, he could never gather enough courage to cross the threshold.

He shut the door and went to go get the papers he was looking for in the first place.

He was happy with the way things were now. Happy in a different was he supposed, but it didn't matter. She never wanted to see him again anyway. Just make the best of things like he always had.

And all the distractions he had going in his life at the moment also helped. All in all it wasn't so bad; things could be worse.

Don't you hate when Ville has right?

So, maybe I am strong enough to re-admit to myself that I love him. Still it's not like he will ever know.

Ville played with my hair until I fell asleep. I hate how crying just drains the energy out of you.

I never understood why crying is the natural outlet your body uses when you are under stress. Couldn't it have been something more creative? I don't know how else, but there must be a more practical way to relieve emotion than it leaking out of the eyes, exhausting you to no end on top of it.

Ville updated Loring and Chaz on the currant situation I guess you can call it, for me while I entered my REM cycle.

I don't know how they handled the news since I was thankfully sleeping at the moment. It is probably better off that way. I did however wonder if Loring or Chaz was upset or disappointed in me. I didn't want to face them if they were.

I wasn't disappointed in myself; just the way things had turn out. Although I love my mother to pieces, I never wanted to follow in her footsteps being a single mother. I always vowed to myself that I would do at least that right. Yet, it seems that other plans have unfolded for me.

I woke up giggling with someone's fingers tickling my belly. I opened my eyes to a grinning Chaz. "So, I hear I'm going to be an uncle huh?"

I bit my lip relieved that he was happy. "Yeah." I whispered yawning.

"That's awesome doll." He kissed my forehead.

"Ville went home last night I'm assuming." I rubbed my eyes and leaned on Chaz's chest.

"Yeah, but still, he stayed pretty late making sure there wasn't anything more he could do to help." Chaz still continued to play with my stomach. "It's weird thinking you're going to be big in a few months."

I smiled. "Yeah it is. Chaz?"

"Hmm?" He breathed softly.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked for no reason except for this compelling thing inside me telling me to.

Chaz sighed lightly. He was really thinking about what happened back in September. How he felt worse for letting him just leave like that. How he just let Wolf manipulate Bam in his vulnerable state. But, he couldn't tell me that, especially now. And plus, how could he have known at the time that things would have ended up like this.

She didn't need any more stress. He knew that if an anxiety attack was trigger from stress it could lead to a really bad asthma attack for Adel. That has only happened once before. No, Adel didn't need to know his thoughts at the moment. "Nothing special doll. But, I know you'll be a great mom. I think the kid actually made pretty good timing."

"Oh, and how is that?" I humored him obviously not seeing his theory.

"Well, for one you were planning on retiring or taking some time off right after this competition." He reminded me.

"Yes, but like you said, after this competition. Meaning I actually go to compete for Germany." I sighed. I loved competing. There was just a certain adrenaline rush that I never got any other way then out on the ice trying to out jump someone.

"Don't worry. Like you always tell me, things happen for a reason. Everything will work out." Chaz ran his fingers through my hair trying to calm my nerves. Unfortunately, my nerves and I have gotten acquainted with one another more than I would have liked.

"I sound pretty wise." I laughed.

"Except for those lack of common sense moments, you are wise. I give you that." He teased.

There was a slight knock on the door before Loring came in the room. "So I've got some slightly good news."

"I'll take anything at this point." I mumbled.

"We have another meeting with the board this afternoon after lunch." He grinned. "And Adelina I do believe some congratulations are in order."

"Fraulein Senta we have come to a decision that we think you will enjoy. We will allow you participate but you and your coach will just have to sign some papers discussing the legalities."

I could have leaped out of my seat and hugged and kissed that stiff old man, but I was able to refrain myself. Loring squeezed my hand and smiled at me. "Thank you. Thank you very much for changing your mind."

"But, if anything should happen, we will not be held for any responsibility. You understand this, yes?" He asked me.

"Yes, and again I thank you. This means so much to me." I smiled grateful. I worked so hard to come to the European figure skating finals, and going home would not only disappoint my country, but I think it would really break my spirit.

"Then, I suppose there is nothing left to do than for you and Herr Franklich to sign the agreement Frulein Senta." He said and smiled warmly holding out a pen.

I confidently took the pen and signed my John Hancock before handing it to Loring aka Herr Franklich.

"We will see you tonight then Frulein Senta?" He asked me. Tonight was the official opening ceremony dinner. One would dress up for an enjoyable night and indulge in the Finnish culture

I smiled, "But of course."

"Until then." Loring ended the meeting and guided me out so nothing else could go wrong.

I laughed once outside the city hall. "Pushy much?"

"I prefer vigilant." He chuckled with me. "So how are you about everything my dear and be honest."

"Honest huh?" I sighed as we took a seat on the train. "At the moment I am relieved that I am still in the competition."

"And about your other good news?" Loring smiled warmly at me. I shouldn't have expected anything less. Loring would never be disappointed in me for something I had no idea about. But, when you get such shocking news as an unexpected pregnancy, I imagine anyone would think the most irrational thoughts first.

"My other good news." I smiled back. "I wish things had worked out differently, but I am not going to act any less happier about it. Though the idea has yet to fully sink in; I think I am excited as well as afraid about being a mom, but I'll get through and survive."

Loring sighed. "I forget sometimes how you are not a little girl. You've handle this very maturely; better than most would Adelina."

"Thank you and Loring you are not too much older than me. Although, you are steadily reaching 40 years." I teased.

"So cheeky." He pinched my cheek. I pouted at him childishly and rubbed my reddened cheek. "But, Chaz has right, you will be a good mother. That area has always come naturally to you. So what am I going to do now with you on maturity leave or a brief retirement after this huh?"

"You sound like you won't have your hands full in a few weeks. Have you already forgotten your wife is about to pop?" I teased.

"Are you kidding? Klara has been calling every time the baby kicks." He ran a hand through his hair.

"Aww," I cooed. "That's too cute, is she nervous about being due so soon?"

"I think so." Loring smiled this certain smile he always gets when thinking about his wife. "That and the fact that I am so far away. As well as the strike with Finnair doesn't help her nerves at all."

"If worse comes to worse, you could always take the ferry to Sweden and take a plane from there." I suggested.

"A hassle, but it would work." He agreed with me.

"So?" Chaz asked me nervously. "How did it go?"

"Everything is back on baby!" I squealed and he wrapped me up in a big hug.

"I told you things would work out." He whispered.

"Yes you did." I smiled.

"You should call Ville and let him know everything is all alright. And maybe Wolf while you're at it." He recommended.

"Wolf, I'll hold off on. I rather keep my good mood and not get into an argument with him and his overprotected-ness."

Chaz rolled his eyes knowing that Wolf would just say the wrong thing and stress, when we just got rid of some, is best if more was not created. "True, true. He would only let his temper get the best of him."

I laughed and agreed. I gave Ville a ring who was just as equally happy and I went to go get ready for tonight's dinner.

I curled large curls in my hair having it pulled back half up. I zipped up the back of my dress and slipped into the shoes.

"You always look beautiful doll." Chaz commented.

I smiled as I looked over him as well. He was dressed up in a black suit. "You should dress up more. You look sexy in a suit."

He grinned and admired himself in the mirror. "I do look stunning don't I?"

I rolled my eyes, "If you stare much longer the mirror is going to melt."

"That's just because I'm am so hot." He grinned and laughed at his own corny joke.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night." I smiled and shook my head grabbing him by the arm. "Let's just go meet Loring."

As people were entering and giving their coats there were sever people playing the kantele and other stringed instruments, like the cello and violin.

My mouth salivated as waiters served cold Sahti and Koskenkorva. Chaz and Loring taunted me as they each chose their own alcoholic beverage. I sighed and opted for some sweetened lingonberry juice.

Chaz sighed wrapping his arm around my waist savoring his Koskenkorva. "I should have gotten the one with vanilla."

"I should just get one period." I rolled my eyes.

"All in the joys of motherhood doll." He taunted whispering in my ear so any word would not spread. The news of my pregnancy was one thing I definitely did not want in tabloids. Especially since we are in Finland, seeing as the country basically gives free range to their reporters to write freely.

We walked around the room greeting other skaters from Germany, such as Annette Dytrt whom I would be competing against, Mari Vartmann and Florian Just are representing Germany for the pairs. Then Chaz and I went and socialized with whomever.

Over all I enjoyed myself I think. Of course there were reporters, but it was nothing like at Bayreuth Festspielhaus.

Though, as tired as I was, when we got back to the hotel early that morning, I was too excited to go to sleep. Monday morning I would finally put all that practice into use.