My Beloved Monster

I sat on the bench outside the hospital entrance, away from the smokers. I looked at the caller ID and sighed knowing I'd have to call back.

My fingers numbly dialed the numbers. As soon as the call went through, my ears were ringing with all the reprimands and yelling from Wolf.

"Were you even thinking!?" He yelled. "Of course you weren't thinking otherwise you would be in Bayreuth with Chaz right now. You better pray nothing is wrong with them. They're not even born yet; you would compromise their lives!"

I silently sobbed through the verbal beating that I deserved. "I know." I whispered and put a hand on my stomach. "I didn't realize the consequence until I was over the Atlantic. But, I feel fine and I feel movement in there so that has to be good. Wolf I felt them move for the first time. But, I needed to come. You of all people should understand what Phil and Ape mean to me."

"I do, but you could have killed your unborn children. Was it worth that much?" He said furiously and hung up.

I found an old tissue in the pocket of my jacket and blew my nose. I wiped my tears with my sleeves, but the tears kept coming and the sobs still shook my body.

Novak was even more frustrated when he realized his pack was empty and then, on top of it, he saw me sitting on the bench a distance away. He wish that I had just left already, hadn't I caused enough trouble already?

He came up from behind and sat on the other end of the bench. Looking straight ahead, he began to lash out finally say what had been on his mind since last year. "You know you have some nerve coming here. He's moved on. You, you have no right to be here!"

He would have continued the whole speech he had prepared if he ever saw me again, but he heard a sob slip from my mouth. All those angry words he wanted to yell wouldn't come out.

All the angry crinkles in his face smoothed out. "Adel, what's wrong?"

I shook my head and laughed to myself. "You're right. I shouldn't be here. Wolf's right too. I just don't belong anywhere anymore. I don't even know where I belong or where home is. Jussi said, but I just. I don't know."

Novak gripped my shoulders and slightly shook me. He was getting worried now; I was not like this in the hospital room just a moment ago. I was all smiles and laughing like old times, like nothing had ever happened. "Adel, you're not making any sense."

"I mean I'm pretty sure I felt my heart shatter when I was called a fling. And how stupid I must have looked after that letter. And now the only thing I want to love and have it returned, might not even survive." I started balling.

Novak swung his leg over the bench so he straddled it and shook me more firmly to get my attention. "Adel! What's wrong?"

I finally snapped out of my daze and blinked the tears out of my eyes focusing on Novak. I slipped my hands under my coat and shirt feeling fluid move around. "My mom, she had complications when she was pregnant with me. She also had a miscarriage after me."

"I didn't know." Novak wasn't sure what to say and didn't know where this was going. He noticed I was shivering though. It was January in Pennsylvania. He wasn't sure what the weather was like in Bayreuth, but it was sure cold as fuck here. "Hey, how about we get some coffee. There's a Dunkin Donuts down the road."

He figured that would be his safest bet. Bam was either in the cafeteria with Raab and Missy still or he was in Phil's room. Either way, he didn't want to take the chance.

I nodded and searched my coat for the keys. When I found them, I handed the keys to Novak and lead him to the car. He rubbed Bruno's ears when he was greeted excitedly and drove to Dunkin Donuts.

He ordered a coffee, while I had hot chocolate when we got inside. One's not supposed to have much caffeine during pregnancy. Obviously fetuses do not comprehend its importance yet.

"Have you talked to Ville lately?" I asked once we sat in a booth. I had regained my composure in the car.

"No." He shook his head. "Why?"

"Just curious." I shrugged and had some of my drink. I mentally made a reminder to thank Ville and the guys for keeping their promise.

"You're not with him are you because I thought you were with Jussi." Novak started awkwardly.

I nearly choked on my drink. "What? Where did you hear that?"

"Some tabloid." He shrugged. "There were some pictures and captions."

"Oh, that." I giggled remembering how we were chased once. "It's not true. He just kept me company when I was in Helsinki."

Novak wasn't sure how to take that comment, but he chose to leave it as it was and maybe get some information out of me. "So, want to tell me what's going on?" He leaned back.

I nodded my head and took off my coat and adjusted my sweater; I was getting a sudden hot flash. "If you tell me why you are so upset with me."

"Sure, you go first though." He leaned forward and rested his arms on the table.

"I had just one rule to follow right. I mean how hard could it be." I look up to see him shrug.

"Depends on the rule." A smile tugged at his lips.

"Just don't fly." I set down my cup. "That's it. Just don't fly. And I couldn't even do that."

"Why are you supposed to be flying?" Novak asked finding that rule a bit weird.

"To keep my blood pressure down. So just to be on the safe side I'm not supposed to fly even though you should be able to up until your third trimester." I placed my hands on the little bump of my stomach and felt the tears brim. "And I felt them move on the plane for the first time. Now, I'm panicking inside worried that what I felt was a bad sign."

Novak's jaw dropped. "You, you're pregnant?"

"Four months." I smiled and unconsciously rubbed my belly. "Before you come out and yell at me, please don't. I've already had enough from Wolf. I feel guilty enough knowing that I compromised their lives coming here. Which is true. But, I had to visit Phil, I just wasn't thinking of the consequences. It was selfish of me."

I watched as Novak counted on his fingers. "Four months ago you were still in Westchester."

"Ja, I was." I smiled sadly missing those moments. I never thought I'd treasure the past more than the future.

"If he's the-" Novak rubbed his temples trying to put two and two together. "I don't get it. Why did you turn Bam away so harshly when he came after you?"

"What are you talking about? He didn't come after me." I stated not knowing where Novak was getting all this absurd information. "I didn't even know I was pregnant until October when I was almost disqualified from that final in Finland."

"No, no he went after you that morning. I watched him board the plane to Germany." Novak sat up again frustrated. "You said that you never wanted to see him again and changed your cell phone to make sure of that."

I looked up at the ceiling trying not to cry and licked my chapped lips. "You know fate really knows how to play a cruel joke, especially when I believe in it so much." I looked back down at Novak across the table. "I didn't go back to Germany when I left Westchester. I went to India to visit my dad. I didn't talk to anyone for two weeks. I changed my phone number because I lost my cell at the airport or it fell in the river in India."

He blinked. "You're joking."

I shook my head. "It's stupid, but I still love him. He helped me find me I guess. I felt home when I was with him, and you guys. Thought that's what love was too, when you feel that comfortable so no matter where you are you are home. Well, that's what Jussi taught me." I saw Novak's sympathetic expression. I was too tired to tell him I didn't want it. "But, he's happy now isn't he?"

Novak swallowed hard and nodded his head. As much as he wanted to lie to prevent me pain he knew he couldn't. "Yeah, he is."

"So why were you going to yell at me?" I asked still wondering.

"Well, it was because of the way you rejected him, now I know it's not the truth so I'm sorry." He let out a long sigh.

"I never rejected him Novak." I still didn't understand that.

"Yeah, but Wolf and Chaz told Bam that you never wanted to see him again. They got in some fight because when Bam came home he had a cut on his lip." Novak drank some of his coffee leaving the part out about the proposal since it wasn't his place to say anything.

"They did what?" I whispered. "Why would they. . ."

"Some friends." Novak muttered bitterly.

I glared at him, but felt hurt. Why would they keep something like that from me? I blinked a few times trying to ignore the sudden light-headedness.

"So I wasn't just a summer fling to him?" I asked maybe the answer would give me closure. Though it would be hard since apart of him is inside me.

"Far from it." Novak whispered and cleared his throat. "So what are you going to do for five months?"

"Find an apartment I guess. But, first I need to find out if everything is alright." I finished the rest of my hot chocolate. I sighed, the money I would be using for an apartment was the money I was saving to open my own coffee shop. Yeah, I thought I'd give that a try.

"Well, why don't we go back to the hospital and find that out now." Novak suggested tossing out our empty cups. "I promise, we won't run into Bam."

I sighed. As much as I wanted to say no, I knew I couldn't. "Okay." I pulled my jacket on and stood up only to sit right back down as a wave of dizziness flashed through me.

"Adel?" Novak kneeled in front of me worried.

"I'm okay. Some times that happens you know?" I tried to shake my head in order to clear it.

"Come on." Novak helped me steady my balance and walked me to the car. He would glance at me every so often as we drove back to the hospital.

So back to the hospital, the last place I thought I'd end, we were back at. First we went to my old friend, the emergency room, where Novak introduced himself as my husband so he could stay with me at all times.

They placed me in a wheel chair and took my blood pressure. Novak filled them in slightly that I have had problems with it in the past since that was all he actually knew.

I took deep breaths trying to keep calm when the nurse told me that it was a bit high. They wheeled me too a room and poked me with needles for some random blood tests.

It was hard to keep a straight face while he would say endearing things to me. I was grateful, though, that it made the whole situation lighter and amusing.

Since nothing could be really be done there, I was wheeled up where maternity ward. I noticed Novak's hands getting clammy in this ward. "Honey, why don't you go check on Phil and a nurse will come find you when the procedures over."

"You sure Adel?" He asked still holding my hand.

"Yeah," I smiled and he told the nurse where to get him when everything was over.

"I'll see you in a bit then." He kissed my forehead and wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans.

"Your husband's adorable when he's nervous." The nurse commented laughing when Novak left.

I smiled and laughed too only for a different reason. "Yeah, my husband sure is some character."

I heard him breath a sigh of relief when he left and speed walked to the elevator. I thought of how much Novak reminded me of Chaz and felt my heart rate increase from the anger.

"You have to watch that Mrs. Novak." A woman said first thing when she came through the door as she read my blood pressure. "Dr. Broderick."

It must have increased from the time we were in the emergency room. I swallowed a lump in my throat and nodded, "But my babies are all right yes?"

She shrugged and listened to my belly with her stethoscope. "We will have to see."

Dr. Broderick took an ultra sound to check my two fetuses, but I decided to wait until my fifth month appointment to find out the gender so it's more accurate.

She also recommended as an extra precaution not to fly again as well. And warned me once again about my blood pressure as well as lectured me about handling stress I have in my life. It was nothing I hadn't heard before.

But, we were healthy. That was only thing that mattered to me right now.

I felt as though I could handle any obstacle at the moment as long as my babies were healthy.

A nurse peeked her head inside Phil's room. "Is a Brandon Novak in here?"

"Yeah that's me." Novak answered her.

The guys snickered either expecting Novak to be in trouble or getting laid tonight, but they never expected the next sentence out of the nurse's mouth.

"You're wife's done being examined." She passed on the message.

They then expected a smart remark from Novak, but instead he asked, "And it went okay? I mean they're all okay?"

"Yup, perfectly healthy from what I heard. So you can meet her when you're ready." The nurse informed him and left.

"What the hell was that about?" Bam asked. "Since when were you married?"

"Oh, that?" Novak played dumb trying to stall until he thought up a good enough lie. "I'm just checking in a friend who's here as well. Fuck no, I'm not married."

Now how would he be able to go to Adel without having Bam follow? Novak looked over at him. His arm was currently around Missy's waist. Not a bad chick he had to admit, but now seeing how everything was just a big misunderstanding, he felt that the wrong girl was in his arms. Yet, there was nothing he could do about that.

And where would she stay? Novak frowned to himself. She wouldn't stay with him and Bam, especially when she wanted to stay under cover.

He laughed to himself, still not noticing the weird looks he was receiving, thinking about how this felt like one of those CIA movies. Childish sure, but it was kind of a cool idea to Novak as well.

"Dude, did you steal someone's prescription or something?" Dunn made fun of him finally getting his attention. "You're making all these weird faces."

"Are the weird voices making of fun of you too?" Dico asked with a serious face receiving laughter from everyone.

Novak slapped Dico upside his head and mumbled. "Idiot." Novak then looked at Dunn. He was going to be leaving his house for Jackass 2 stunts more than Bam was. Novak's rusty gears in his head slowly began turning. "Hey Dunn, come outside with me and so I can bum off a cigarette."