My Beloved Monster

I let out a shuttered breath as I gathered my things quickly to get the hell out of this place.

No, I wasn't having another asthma attack. I've been fine for two weeks now.

No, this was much worse. I'm sure you're wondering, 'What could be worse than that?' But, trust me this felt a lot worse.

I averted my eyes to the floor as a quickly walked to the door, ignoring the happy laughs and chatter in the room.

I took a deep breath of fresh air when I finally got outside. I couldn't stop the tears that automatically sprung from my eyes.

I sighed wiping them away and began to walk down the sidewalk. I slid on my sunglasses and managed to avoid people bustling along the sidewalks of Westchester.

I heard beeping and I turned my head to see Bam hanging out the window of his hummer trying to get my attention. Why did he come along? Why now of all times?

More tears leaked from my eyes behind the tinted lenses as I looked to the sidewalk and walked faster.

"Oh this is fucking ridiculous." Bam mumbled and looked at Jussi. "I thought you said this was a good idea?"

Jussi shrugged. "I did. It still is."

"Well, she seems to like you more than me at the moment. You go get her." Bam pulled over for him to hop out.

Jussi rolled his eyes at how easily Bam copped out, but none-the-less, got out to get Adel. "Adelina! Wait!" He shouted after me in Finnish. I stopped noticing Jussi chasing after me. "Didn't you hear Bam?"

I nodded and sat down on the bench outside a deli.

He noticed the tears that trickled down my face. "Did he do something now?"

I shook my head and focused on the old gum decorating the sidewalk.

Jussi gave me a confused look. "Then what's wrong?"

I shook my head again.

"Come on." He cooed wrapping his arm around my shoulder. "You know everyone hates to see you sad."

I wiped my head over at him and glared. "You know what? I want to feel sad. I'm allowed to." I wiggled out from under his arm and started to walk further down the street.

Jussi groaned and reluctantly got up to chase after the moody pregnant woman. "Don't you want to come with us to the airport to say good bye to me." He pouted standing in front of me so I couldn't go anywhere.

"You're leaving?" My lip started to quiver.

Jussi ran his hand over his face. He would miss Adel, but was extremely happy at the moment to be escaping these moods. "Adelina, sweetheart, you knew this."

I nodded my head and let him guide me to where I'm assuming Bam's car was. I saw the familiar blue hummer and groaned at how far away it was.

"So what was the matter Adel?" Jussi smacked himself for asking. "I'm sorry darling, I-"

I wrapped my arm around his waste and giggled at how careful he was trying to be. "It's okay Jussi; I know I'm a complete mess at the moment. It's just Ape and her friends signed me up for Lamaze. I'm the only one alone and one of the younger mom's there too."

"Just take Dico with you. I'm sure he'd love to go for the sake of making fun of the other woman." He smiled. "Besides, at least you will not need a cane to help chase your children as they get older."

I giggled. "You're silly Jussi."

"Well, if it makes you smile, I'll be silly." Jussi poked my stomach.

"So are you saying that I'm not allowed to be sad now?" I stopped knowing that I would cause a bigger reaction from him. I couldn't keep from smiling when, as I predicted, Jussi started apologizing. "I'm kidding you know?" I started to walk again.

"Of course I did!" He caught up and sighed in relief.

"Sure." I laughed. He opened the back door for me and helped me up. I looked sheepishly over at Bam. "Hi."

"Hey." He said sort of glumly.

"I need one more fag for the road. I'll be right over there." Jussi said and sat on the bench lighting up giving us a little space.

"I'm sorry you know for last week." Bam mumbled.

"It's fine Bam." I sighed.

"No, no it's not." He insisted. "I was an asshole."

"Are you saying sorry because you know I'm not fucking either of your friends?" I snapped at him. I leaned my head back on the seat and sighed. "I'm sorry, it's been a tough morning."

"No, I deserve that." He shrugged. "So why did you keep walking even when I hung out the window like and idiot." He smiled watching me laugh in the rearview mirror.

I smiled. "You did look like an idiot." My smile faltered at how out of place and awkward I felt in that birthing class. "I ignored you for some other personal reasons. I just didn't want to deal with anyone at the moment."

"Yeah, I'll say so. Jussi had to chase you pretty far." He chuckled.

Jussi climbed in the passenger seat. "All good?"

I watch Bam start the car and smiled. "All good." I slipped on my seat belt and took my cell phone out of my purse. I dialed up Ape, "Hey."

"Hi sweetie, I was just about to leave to get you?" I heard rustling in the background.

"Don't bother, I'm going with Bam to bring Jussi to the airport." I let her know the change of plans.

"Really?" She sounded surprised.

"Really." I mimicked her voice.

"You won't by any chance be running away on one of those planes?" She asked almost seriously.

"And have you come after me to kick my ass. I'll pass on that one." I laughed.

"So the paintballs will have to stay in the freezer?" She pouted.

"The paintballs will definitely be staying in the freezer." I laughed. "I don't need welts like Dunn had from you."

She laughed at her handy work. "Alright Adel, be good then. I'll see you later."

"Bye." I grinned tossing my phone back into my purse.

"Ape?" Bam asked looking at me briefly in the mirror as he got onto the highway.

"Yeah." I smiled.

"Why is she threatening you?" Bam mused understanding from all the threats Ape has thrown at him since he was a kid.

"She thinks I'll run away on a plane as soon as I get to the airport with you." I shook my head thinking of how she automatically assumed that I would do this.

"She wouldn't be the only one ready to kill you if you did that love." Jussi chuckled.

"I'm not stupid enough to make the same mistake twice." I mumbled grouchily.

"When was the first time?" Bam shot me a funny look.

"Coming here." I yawned. "You don't know how many hateful calls I had to deal with that weekend."

"They weren't hateful Adelina." Jussi corrected me. "They were concerned."

"No, they were hateful and angry." I sighed and stayed silent the rest of the ride to Philadelphia as the guys talked.

I followed them through the busy airport. Jussi only had one bag to check in so it didn't take long. "What time is your flight?"

He read over the ticket to make sure he gave me the right information. "Three."

"Let's head to a bar to kill an hour." Bam suggested; it was only 1:30pm.

Jussi nodded in agreement and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I pouted, "Sure drag the pregnant lady when she can't drink."

"Ah, love, might as well. It's how we met." Jussi grinned. "Then come June you come get me and we go to the bar again."

"Fine." I sighed.

"See now we have another ritual." Jussi grinned wider.

"You met in a bar?" Bam raised his eyebrows.

"Ugh, that was the worst day ever." I groaned.

"I didn't think it was so bad." Jussi tried to remember.

"You weren't the one who did fucking awful on the short program and then Chaz left me without my shoes to fool around with that girl." I whined although it was long over and done with. "And that morning, no it was that weekend I had the meeting with the board. And then Ville," I glared at no one in particular. "He was mean to me."

"Ville mean to you?" Bam laughed.

Jussi shook his head. "No he wasn't. He was buzzed so he didn't introduce me in the best manner. He did carry you to your hotel after you got sick."

"True." I shrugged. "Fine, I'll forgive him. But, it was all his fault." Jussi laughed remembering how we blamed everything on Ville.

"What exactly happened?" Bam asked slightly amused with our argument over nothing.

Jussi and I looked at each other uneasily. I sighed and sat at a table they grabbed once we reached their destination. "That is a story for another time."

We sat at the bottom of the escalator the furthest we could go before separating waiting for Jussi's flight to be called.

"This sucks." I mumbled leaning my head on Jussi's shoulder. Bam sat across from us with his feet propped up on the chair next to me. "You just got here."

"But, I will be back in June." He whispered.

Bam watched the two just cuddle and talk to one another. He sat there wondering why June specifically?

There was nothing entirely important happening during that month. He probably would be finishing up filming Jackass 2 with the guys.

So why June?

"Promise?" I whispered back.

"I already said I would." Jussi smiled and played with my hair.

"Today has been a sucky day." I sighed.

"Just bring Dico with you next time." Jussi chuckled.

"Bring Dico where?" Bam asked snapping out of his thoughts.

"To Lamaze." I sighed. "Ape and Linda thought it was a bright idea to sign me up for them. Yet, they didn't think about the fact that I'd be alone in this."

"Oh." Bam looked confused. He was beginning to confusion was going to be the new look on him lately since he felt completely out of the loop of everything. And he definitely did not like that feeling.

He then grinned and laughed, "I think I would actually pay to see that."

"We should have it video taped." I laughed.

"See, I am a genus." Jussi grinned since it was his idea.

"Hmm, that might not be such a bad idea." Bam thought to himself amused. He then began to wonder something. He has no clue why he never thought of asking about it before or why he never even thought about the answer.

Who was the father?

Jussi's flight was called way too soon in my opinion. Sure everyone has been more than good to me, but they didn't cuddle with me like Jussi would.

"Don't worry so much Adlina. Do you remember our conversation during the competition." Jussi smiled softly. I nodded. "You'll find home soon enough."

I sighed and leaned closer into his warm hug. "I hope so."

Bam watched as we hugged. He still got that skin crawling feeling, but he tried to ignore it. "Alright quit hogging the Finn. My turn."

Jussi gave me a short kiss goodbye and proceeded with his farewell with Bam until it was the last call and time for him to go back home.

If I was going to find my home soon enough, where was it?