My Beloved Monster

I finally finished my Lamaze classes. Eman did survive the four days and much to my pleasure, I passed as a successful parent. I think Bam was secretly proud too that we did too, and not just to piss off the teacher. Though that was definitely an added bonus.

It's surreal to think that I am already in my third trimester with about a month and a half to go. The doctor will know more at my next appointment, but she doubts that I will carry full term. Twins usually never do.

As cliche as it sounds it feels like just yesterday I was competing in the European Finals. And as much as I enjoy being pregnant and the feeling of two lives growing in me, I miss the ice. I miss the adrenaline rush you get from landing a hard jump.

I turned my head from my gaze on the ceiling to the door and smiled at Bam. "What are you listening to or should I say the twins listening to?" Bam asked noticing the headphones on my stomach. He shut the door behind him and walked over to me.

"Gemini Five." I smiled. "They seemed to like them."

Bam laughed. "We've got some kids with good music taste it seems."

My heart fluttered hearing him say that. I smiled wider. "Yeah, we do."

"When we go to Sweden, we should see if they're playing."

"Bam-" I started. It was nice that he was starting to plan things out in the future for us, but it seemed too fast at the same time.

Bam shook his head firmly and sat down next to me. "You don't seem to understand Adel. I realized my mistake and plan on never making it again. I am not going to let you go."

"Then, why did you do it the first time?" I said without thinking. I almost regretted saying it, but I needed and deserved an explanation.

"You forget that I did try to go after you." Bam said getting frustrated. He understood why I was still uneasy, but when was I finally going to forgive him?

"Yeah, but you didn't fight very hard." I mumbled. I understood Bam did go all the way to Bayreuth to get me back, but why didn't he put much of a fight for me?

"Because I love you so much I thought that letting you go was what was best for you at the time!" He shouted. He took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair trying to calm himself before he said something he regretted.

My breath caught.

He loves me?

Neither one of us has ever said that to the other.

I took the headphones off my belly and turned the portable CD player off. I set it on the side table and sat up. Bam didn't notice me moving; he was staring at his hands off in his own world. I crawled closer to him and took his hands in mine. "You loved me?"

He didn't look me in the eye, but looked at my hands holding his. He sighed not meaning to say that out loud yet. What if it that information would scare me away from him? He didn't want that.

"Bam?" I whispered. I needed to know.

"Adel." He shook his head. I would have been worried if I hadn't caught a ghost of a smile cross his lips briefly. "You have no idea. . ." Bam thought back to taking Ville with him to go pick out an engagement ring. If he had had it with him when he chased me to Germany, things would have turned out a lot differently. He shook his head slightly knowing that it wouldn't make a difference how many times he thought back. ". . . how much I do."

There. It was out in the open.

It scared the fuck out of him because I could just crush his heart right then and there with that information.

It scared him more when I still hadn't said anything. "You're killing me with the suspense Adelina." Bam tried to joke, but he just couldn't bear to laugh.

Goose bumps rippled over my skin hearing that. Of all moments, I couldn't find my voice.

He finally looked me in the eyes waiting for me to say something, anything.

"I," I swallowed.

"I get it Adel." Bam pulled his hands away and made his way to the door.

"You're such a fucking idiot." I laughed cynically.

"Excuse me?" He sneered.

"You heard me." I said with the same attitude. "Why the hell do you think I was so upset? If I didn't love you, I wouldn't care. Don't you know how hard it was to carry your kids thinking that you didn't love me? That no matter how hard I would try to forget you, you would be with me anyway."

I would have continued my rant, but Bam crossed the room and grabbed my face bringing me into an aggressive kiss just letting our frustrations out with each other. Nothing else mattered because he finally knew that the feeling of love was mutual.

I pulled him onto the bed with me and striped him of his shirt. He ripped mine off and his lips came crashing down onto mine once more. Bam held onto me afraid that this was just a figment of his imagination.

I laid back on the pillow with eyes closed enjoying the feeling of his lips on my skin. He held my swollen belly and kissed from my belly button up.

My heart was still racing as Bam held me in his arms each of us glowing from the love we made. He kissed my temple, "You don't know how long I have waited to say that to you."

I smiled feeling content. I frowned when Bam got out of bed and started to redress. I sat up confused, "Where are you going?"

"We have to get going."

"I don't care where I have to be, but I'm taking a shower." I threw the covers off and started the shower. Bam sat on the counter watching me. "Am I soft porn now?" I smiled amused.

He cracked a smile. "Tempting."

I smiled and shook my head, but continued with my shower. I twisted my hair wringing out the water and laughed slightly to myself still getting used to it's new length. I heard Bam left sometime through my shower. I grabbed the towel and wrapped it around my frame. "Comfy?" I asked Bam lying on the bed with his legs hanging off. All I got was a muffled 'yes.'

Dressing in the clothes I bought with Kelly, I changed into some jeans.

Bam slipped his arms around my waist as I slipped on the t-shirt. "Taking Kelly's advice finally?" He kissed the nape of my neck and chuckled.

"Did I really have a choice?" I turned around in his arms and laughed when my large belly knocked him out of the way, proving it further that I had to wear maternity cloths.

He shook his head trying to regain his balance and shot me a dirty look for laughing at his expense. Bam stared into my eyes and tucked some hair behind my ears. He let his hands gently trail down my jawbone, down my shoulders and sides, ending up on either side of my belly. "You don't regret this do you? Not just today. I mean all of it."

I took his face in the palm of my hands. "Bam even if we don't end up back together and I don't get my happily ever after ending, no, I would not regret one moment."

Bam took a step back. What was it going to take to convince me otherwise that he was not going to go anywhere? He had to make me see that one way or another otherwise this relationship would never mend. Not even having his children would make a difference then.

My eyebrows creased in confusion. "Do you regret it?"

"No, God no." Bam answered right away. He rubbed his face with his hands trying not to lose his patience with me. He just couldn't understand that with what they had just shared moments ago, why I still thought that we still weren't together.

"Are you okay then?" I looked at him concerned about his odd behavior.

"Yeah," he nodded his head answering me vaguely. "Just have a lot of stuff I'm thinking about."

I nodded, just letting it go and slipped on some black loose mary janes. "So where are we going?"

"You have a doctors appointment today. I rearranged some shit so I could still come with you." Bam reminded me and rolled his eyes.

"How is it that you remember this and I don't?" I laughed because although it has been on my mind, I completely forgot about today's appointment.

He shrugged and grinned. "I guess I'm the brains in this relationship."

I smiled meekly agreeing and followed him to his car. It would be nice if Bam would establish front on if we were together or not. He mentions little things like that, but nothing concrete. And, I don't want to look like an idiot or get my hopes stomped on if we're not.

The car ride was a comfortable silence. Except that I kept ringing my hands nervously think about everything I have to get done and ready by the time I'm due. The list just seemed to go on. I would have to first and foremost get the apartment not just ready, but really, I could settle for even livable.

"So," Bam started off. He knew what he wanted to talk about, but formulating the right words to stay on everyone's good side was the problem. "Jess mentioned something that you were considering your own place?"

I swallowed no one really knew about those plans yet solely because I knew that I wouldn't get the greatest positive feedback. Ape would be offended and want me to stay with her, but I needed my own space and I didn't want to burden her any longer. "Oh, I was thinking about it."

Bam didn't know if it confirmed what Jess had originally told him or maybe I was still on the fence about moving out on my own. But, Bam had the feeling that if I did end up in my own place, getting me back would be a harder battle. "My mom is totally going to flip out on you when she finds out. Let me know when you plan on telling her and I'll round up the guys so you can be our entertainment for the night."

"Thanks for the support." I smiled sarcastically. "But, there won't be need because neither I nor you will be telling her."

Bam raised an eyebrow. "Oh, won't I?"

"No, you won't." I smiled confidently, although on the inside I was completely nervous because I knew how right Bam would be especially if Ape found out from him and not me. And Bam knew that.

Bam wasn't going to go tell Ape, but he would only as a last resort. He knew he would just have to act quickly and everything would hopefully run smoothly.

Over the last week or so, Bam was acting extremely suspicious, which isn't anything out of the ordinary, but you just had to make sure your guards were up as an extra precaution. Especially since he had been with the guys filming for Jackass2.

It was weird; he would just pop his head in or randomly call and hang up abruptly right after he asked me some opinion about a color or pattern.

And what have I been doing lately?

Nothing. Abso-fucking-lutely nothing. Since I am not near 37 weeks, everyone is concerned that if anything should go wrong and send me into premature labor because until 37 weeks the babies are still considered premature.

They're just lucky I am too tired to do much anyway and I am lucky that it's almost May so I can relax outside and enjoy the sun.

I heard Bruno bark nearby as the hammock swayed lightly with the breeze. I groaned when someone blocked my sun. I raised my arm to my forehead to block the glare to see Ape smiling down on me with a bowl full of veggies.

"So how is everyone?" Ape handed me the bowl.

"Good. They've been moving around plenty." I popped a few grape tomatoes in my mouth.

She smiled and slid into the hammock with me nibbling on a carrot stick. "How's the back?"

"I wish I didn't have one." I rubbed my belly where they were moving. "I have been getting those random contractions too." I laughed at her worried face. "Don't worry it isn't painful just irregular so nothing serious."

"As long as you're sure." She sighed. "Oh Adelina what am I going to do with you?"

"What?" I nudged her side and laughed. I rolled my eyes when she pulled her jacket tighter. "You cannot be cold."

"You cannot be hot." She mocked me. And rolled her eyes at me for wearing a t-shirt and being barefoot.

"Do you know how tempted I am to flip you both?" Bam grinned above us.

"Do you know how dead you will be if you do!?" Ape shrieked at him.

"Relax Ape, I'm not that dumb." Bam rolled his eyes and snagged some tomatoes from the bowl.

"I wouldn't be too sure about that." I rolled my eyes.

"Excuse me?" Bam raised an eyebrow.

I popped in a carrot and smirked. "You heard me."

"Damn Bam, she really is feisty huh?" Steve-o punched him in the arm.

I jumped when someone else popped up next to me. "Leave him sexy and I'll give you a better ride then Bam could ever give. And, I hear the sex is kinkier with a pregnant chick."

Still startled I swung my arm out and hit his face making everyone laugh at him. "I would say sorry, but never scare a pregnant woman. Besides I'd have to say that Bam will give you a run for your money any day."

"Told you Pontius." Bam grinned proudly and punched him in the nads. "Adel you recognize the guys?"

Chris kissed my hand. "And you must be the lovely girl Bam knocked up."

Ape smacked Chris upside his head. "Chris, go smash your head against something."

Steve-o laughed and hit him again just for the fun of it. "Nice choice of words man."

Ape carefully got up. "Bam just watch her."

"Hey!" I glared. "I don't need to be watched!"

Bam kissed my neck and slid on a blindfold. "Doesn't matter because we have somewhere to be."

I ripped off the blindfold frustrated. "We always have somewhere to be." I tried sitting up, but failed miserably making them laugh harder.

"Come here." Bam chuckled and grabbed my wrist helping me stand up. "Now will you put it back on?"

I sighed. "Fine." Bam grabbed the blindfold off the hammock and slipped it over my eyes once again. He kissed my lips fervently. "I'm not going to die am I?"

"Nah that'll come later. Bam still need his heirs to the throne." I heard Chris laugh.

"Just trust me Adel." Bam kissed my lips one more time and lead me to what I assumed was his car.

I recognized the smell of Bam's house when I heard the door shut behind me. "Hey, where is everyone?" I noticed that it got a lot quieter.

"Just trust me Adel." Bam whispered in my ear. I sighed and just let Bam hold my hands and guide me. "Now here's the tricky part; the stairs."

"Bam?" I called out nervously as he let me go.

His breath tickled my skin as chuckled and wrapped his arms around me from behind. "I'm right here. Ready?"

I gripped his hands tightly as he lead me up the first few steps. "Don't let me fall."

"Adel, I will never let you fall." He smiled against my skin and led me up the rest of the way to the stairs. Bam rolled his eyes when he heard me let out a sigh of relief. "I thought I told you to trust me Adel."

"I do, but. . ." I didn't know what to say. I trusted Bam, but going up the stairs blindfolded, especially pregnant, would make any sane person completely nervous.

Bam laughed softly. "Don't worry, I get it. I'm just yanking your chain." I heard him slowly take a deep breath and a door open. He led me a few more steps before we stopped. "Ready?"

"I hope so." I sighed. Bam swallowed nervously, flipped one of the light switches, and lifted the blindfold. I gasped surprised and leaned into him.

"Do you like it?" He whispered.

I was speechless. He decorated a jungle themed nursery. The walls were painted like a jungle with animals looking out. The ceiling was probably my favorite part. It was decorated like a night sky but the lights were dimming so it looked like all different times of the day.

"And I assure you I did help. I painted a little and I even went to the store to get the furniture picked out. Do you know how awkward that was? It's not everything we need yet, but it's most of it." I couldn't help but start tearing at the beautiful gesture. Bam heard me sniffle and almost freaked out, "Those are good tears right?"

I nodded my head and laughed. "Yeah." I walked around the room and left my hand drag across the soft fabrics in the beautiful wooden cribs.

"You know I did this because I am not going to let you and our children live alone." He watched me as I sat in the rocking chair under the window. I nodded my head and wiped away my tears. Bam walked over slowly playing with a rip in his jeans. He came over and sat on the stool in front of me. "Adel?"

"Yes?" I took a deep breath wondering why he was so quiet.

"I don't just want you to live here." He stated.

"You don't?"

"No." He shook his head smiling. "I've had this forever just so you know, even before you left last summer."

"Bam?" I sat up and rested my hands on my belly. I was getting nervous that he was so nervous and quiet.

"Just give me a second. I don't want to mess this up again." Bam took a deep breath. He stood up and paced a few times wiping his sweaty hands on his jeans before abruptly sitting down in front of me again. He leaned over my belly and caught me off guard with a passionate kiss, which I gladly returned. He smiled against my lips and whispered, "Marry me."

"Why not." I laughed and kissed him.

He pulled back, "Why not? What kind of answer is that?"

I bit my lip grinning at his face. "I could have always said no."

"Nah." He pecked my lips. "Why not will suffice." He ran out of the room and gripped the banister. "She said yes mother fuckers!"