The Story Left Untold

Today was the day. I was going to get back on that tour bus I’ve missed quite a lot for some reason and I was going to be with the guys for the next month and a half. This tour was shorter than the last but even if it wasn’t going to be as long, I still had second thoughts about the whole thing.

I know Matt promised me that everything will be fine but who can blame me for not trusting what that guy says? For all I know, it might just be some kind of pity promise he made to Jack. I shook my head as I thought of what might happen.

Thoughts raced inside and out of my head. But they were cut short when a bus honked right outside the apartment building. I breathed in heavily before heading down the stairs with my bags. My camera was already around my neck and this time, I made sure I brought a handful of lenses so I’d really be able to practice shooting.

Sophie already left like 2 days ago since she couldn’t handle the wait and Chase had begged her to start the trip about 3 days early so during those last three days – the ones I had all to myself – I spent my time packing all of the crap I needed, buying travel-sized kits and making sure that my thoughts were composed and that I was in one piece. The last part was a bust though since I really couldn’t hold it together. I paced around the empty dorm all the time in hopes that I’d calm down. Sadly, that never happened.

I took my time as I ventured down the stairs. I kept doing breathing exercises and everyone that was heading up was looking at me like I was some kind of psychotic weirdo. Maybe I was but now’s not the time to analyze things like that.

Once I finally reached the bottom of the stairs, I met the smiling faces of Zack, Jack, Matt and Rian. They told me that Alex was still sleeping in the bus. I didn’t really question that seeing as it was only 8 in the morning.

Zack helped me with my bags – no matter how much I insisted him not to – while the others bear-hugged me ‘til I couldn’t breathe anymore.

“It’s nice to see you guys too but I don’t think it’d be that pleasant if we started today with me crashing on the floor before I can spend time talking with all of you,” I said as I struggled to find my way out.

They all laughed as they let go of me and led me to the bus that was parked right outside the building. I hopped on and saw that there were some major improvements. The lighting inside the bus made it feel like we were in this relaxing hotel but once I smelled the inside, I pushed away all thoughts of relaxation and scrunched my face up. It smelled like a guy’s room – minus the gym socks scent.

“Sorry for the smelly inconvenience. The ventilation on this busted because someone stuffed things inside it and clogged it all up,” Matt said leading me to the kitchen that smelled a tad bit better than the hallway.

“Its fine,” I told him as I sat on the couch.

“Hey, are you hungry?” Rian called out from the kitchen.

I really didn’t want to have to take advantage of my stay here by gobbling down all their food but they did invite me here so what the hell.

“Sure, what do you have in the pan?” I asked Rian as I made my way over to the island counter and hopped on a stool.

Rian placed a batch of pancakes onto my plate and placed it before me. I was about to start digging in when I realized that I didn’t have anything to eat it with.

“Are the utensils still in the same place?” I asked him. He barely nodded since he was so concentrated on flipping his pancakes.

I shook my head at him as I stood up and opened the top drawer behind the counter and grabbed a fork. And since I never eat pancakes without maple syrup, I went to the pantry and grabbed the bottle that I was looking for before returning to my place where Alex now was.

I stopped and stared at him for a few seconds. He looked better than he did before and I hoped he didn’t catch on to what I was doing because that would be embarrassing. I didn’t know what it was but when I saw him, it was as if this new profound feeling grew in me and made me think that I was back in high school and he was the guy that passed in the hallways and made my heart flutter whenever he nodded his hello.

I shook all the thoughts out of his head as his brown eyes landed on mine. He smiled at me and I returned it awkwardly before heading back to my seat.

“Hey, thanks,” he said grabbing the fork and the syrup away from me. The weird thing was: I didn’t give a single fuck that he took away my breakfast.

I couldn’t find the words to speak or complain about what just happened. For some weird and unusual reason, I just let it happen. Was I serious about actually developing these feelings for him? I tried to make myself hate him by remembering what happened in the past but that only made me realize one thing and that was if I really did dislike him, it wouldn’t be that hard to find something that could make my mind go crazy in anger.

I thought about this more in silence but before I could do anything else, I felt him stare at me from the side. His eyes were burning holes in my cheek. I turned around slowly and watch him chew and swallow.

“Want some?” he asked and I smiled as I shook my head a little too fast.

“Y-you can have it,” I said, losing my appetite.

The bus had started moving about a while ago and there was no way I could get some breathing space or some time alone to myself. So instead of going really far away, I went back to the hallway and asked Matt where I was going to sleep.

“Well, you can have your old bunk if you want,” he mentioned and I nodded my thanks as I tried to get settled in.

I didn’t know what it was that made my mind alter itself. I never thought I’d find Alex attractive even though he really was. I thought I knew the real him and that was: major douchebag with no sense of maturity or well-being that plays with girls’ feelings and breaks them apart in the end. Harsh, I know. But that was always what I set my mind on whenever I heard his name or he came into the picture. So what made me think that this time, he was a changed person? I had no proof that clarified that statement but hopefully, this phase will end and my mind will be set on the real reason I’m here and that is to make things right and be with Jack again work on my college credits.