Happy Birthday Frank

He walked out of the nursery where my twin daughters, and Bandit were sleeping then he glanced at me before making his way to the kitchen. Jamia and Lindsey were bonding for a while. Kind of a mommy’s day out. Gerard and I were being Mr. Mom for a while. But what a day; it was my birthday. At my age I really wouldn’t consider this much of an event what with my two new beautiful baby girls. Honestly, I hadn’t thought about much besides them for a while now.

I sighed and pushed myself up off the chair in the living room then I made my way to the kitchen to see Gerard with an elbow resting on the counter and his weight shifted onto one foot while he was leaning on said counter. I almost had to stop myself from reaching out and groping at his backside. I won’t lie. Back in the day, Gee and I were a thing. We knew it had to stop though, especially once Mikey married Alicia. It wasn’t a bad thing we just knew we had to move on, and have wives and a family. I felt bad for cheating on Jamia with him.

Clearing my throat, I leaned on the counter with my legs crossed and my arms over my chest. He looked up at me and gave me a smile. “I remember when I met you,” he mumbled, finally standing. He then continued. “You were my little brother’s adorable younger friend.” He laughed and he reached over, putting his hand on my cheek. I’d shaved, and his warm palm felt good. “I didn’t know we would do what we did together at any point. But I’m glad we did.”

I could only nod. For some reason, my heart was dropping. I felt sick and nervous. If it had been up to me, Gerard and I would’ve stayed a couple and I would’ve let Jamia down as easily as I could without breaking her heart. I’m not saying I don’t love her. I do. She’s beautiful, and the mother of my children. I’m just saying that what I had with Gee, it was something different and something I knew I couldn’t get with her or anyone else. It was perfect, and safe and being loved by someone who could take care of me. Not the other way around.

“I’m not that little anymore though,” I whispered, really leaning into his hand now and my arms began to slip from the fold they were in. “I’m not your little brother’s younger friend anymore. I’m your friend. Your ex lover, too.” I sighed. My heart was thumping crazily. He smiled at me and he stepped closer.

I could feel his breath on my forehead actually and he leaned in to plant a kiss there. “I know that. I miss that. I miss being able to have what we had Frankie.” He wrapped his long arms around me and I melted into him. I really wished that I somehow was completely gay, all my life. Were I gay, I wouldn’t have been with Jamia and I wouldn’t love her, and I would be with Gerard; safe and content.

“So do I.” I looked up at him and I felt a few tears form, then leak down my cheeks. He looked so crushed at that exact moment. Me crying on him was like dropping a 1000 lb. lead weight on his foot repeatedly. He told me so before. I felt awful for this but I couldn’t contain any of this emotion. It was breaking free, like it really needed to.

He opened his mouth, then a shaky sigh came out before he pulled my face into his chest and started to play with my hair. “I love you Frankie. Don’t cry.” His fingers ran through my dark hair and I shivered a bit. I was somewhat calm, but my heart was breaking. I loved Jamia and I would never hurt her but this hurt too. Still, I had to think about Gerard and Lindsey also. They were perfect. Everything was great.

My hands ran up his back, then back down to wrap around his waist tightly. I was holding on for dear life and not letting go for a while. “I love you too. That’s why this hurts so bad.” I finally was able to sniff my tears up and I glanced at that gorgeous face. His lips were pressed in a thin line…I couldn’t tell if he was angry or nervous, or very upset. Maybe all of those emotions.

“I know that. Don’t be so upset. It’s just not what needed to happen, I guess.” He was right. If he hadn’t gotten with her, and I wasn’t with Jamia, the world would be short three little miracles. Three miracles that the two of us were beyond thankful for. Honestly though, I had no intention to ever have kids. It just sort of happened and I was really happy about it too. It was just shitty.

Come to think about it, everything that’s happened has been shitty. Besides the fact that I met Mikey, and met Gerard too. I know it was perfect and destiny even for us to be together for what short time we were an item. That taboo item that we didn’t need to be, ever. It just happened.

It was one of those drunken nights and Gerard had way too many drinks, way too many pills. He had me sitting in his lap because, well, when I drank I was kind of a whore. Gerard and I had become way closer by that point and I always flirted with him and kissed him during sets. I loved doing that because it always forced some kind of opinion. We were gay, fucking each other, drunk, high, attention whores, whatever anyone decided about us.

Anyway, he had his hand on my thigh and in my drunken stupor, I was horny. A big flirtatious whore that grabbed my friend’s hand and pulled it up until he was cupping my erection in his soft hand. Everyone else around was too drunk to pay attention to what we were doing. Before I knew it, he had me in his bunk and we were messily making out, tongues shoved down each other’s throats.

That was the first time I’d ever let a guy fuck me. It was amazing…he was great at it and I had to wonder if he knew what he was doing for a reason. Either way, I was thankful for it. It felt like heaven. That was probably getting me sent to hell too.

Gerard now lifted me up and put me on the counter, then he put his face inches from mine. “I’m sorry about everything. But I love you.” He pressed his lips to mine. They were so soft, and the kiss felt perfect just like everything else. Why did I love him more than air? It wasn’t fair to anyone. At all.

Once he pulled away he pushed a strand of my hair out of my eyes and he sighed, licking his lips softly. “Your lips are perfect,” I mumbled while I played with his flaming red hair. It was so cute on him. I liked it better than the time he dyed his hair blond. He looked cuter this way. More crazy and wild…and sexy. I tangled my fingers into it and pulled and a smile spread across his face. It even reached his gorgeous hazel eyes. “Everything about you is.”

He just chuckled and leaned in to kiss at my neck. “You’re silly Frank.” I felt intoxicated right now. Maybe I was being silly. Touching him made me drunk, and it got me higher than anything. I needed him but he clouded my judgment every time he merely glanced at me.

“Maybe.” I managed a whimper and he pulled away from my neck before threading both hands into my hair and sighing. “Happy birthday babe.” He pushed his forehead against mine and I bit my lip as we stared into each other’s eyes.

“Thank you.” He pressed our lips together and I was pushed back onto the counter, knocking over a knife block. I didn’t care. I was melting into his hot body, especially where he was half on the counter and half on the floor. His hands rubbed every inch of me as we kissed and I moaned…

Right before the front door opened then he pulled away from me…and we went back to being best friends with wives, and daughters. I was heartbroken.