I Just Can't Walk Away

I rode my candy apple red and white Schwinn down Purchase Street. Donny insisted that I got the bike in red and white for the sake of the Red Sox. He said it would be a sin not to. I was going to originally get it in navy blue, but he said something along the lines of "You cannot get that bike in navy blue. People are gonna think you're a damn Yank fan, Jules. I'd be a sin notta get it in red. I mean, look at it. It's a beauty." He should have been a baseball star, making and breaking records, but now he was on his way to the South Station to be shipped to New York City, then to France. It took everything in me to keep my emotions in tact so I wouldn’t get hit by a car or crash the bike myself.

My legs burned as I peddled harder and faster than I ever had in my entire life. I flew down the streets of Boston, praying that I’d make it to the station before he left. He needed to know that everything I said to him was a lie. He may have signed himself up for this, but God forbid he actually die and the last words I said to him were terrible things that I would never forgive myself for. He was the love of my life and he probably hates me right now, but I refuse to not let him know that I love him.

Last night had been the happiest night of my twenty-one year old life. Last night was the night that I had given myself to Donny Donowitz fully and completely. It was more extraordinary than I thought it ever could be and it was then that I knew I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. That is, until he dropped the biggest -excuse my unintended pun- bomb on me.

“What do you mean, ‘You’re leaving’?” I furrowed my eyebrows. I kept the sheets held up to my bare torso and I lifted my head up from its position on Donny’s chest. I looked into his deep, brown eyes as my heart began to pound. His eyes casted down. “Donny?” I lightly held his stubble-clad chin in my hand and tilted his head up so that his eyes would meet mine.

“I enlisted,” I felt my whole world shatter at those two words.

“You what?” I could feel the color drain from my face and my soul get sucked from within me. This couldn’t be happening. I shook my head as tears started to build up.

“I leave tomorrow morning,”

“And you chose to tell me this now?!” I threw the sheet off of me, jumped off of the bed and started to put my clothes back on in a hasty fashion.

“No! I just…didn’t know how you would’ve reacted to it. I-I didn’t know how to tell you,”

“This is the best way that you came up with? Are you insane?!” I continued to put my clothes on.

“What are you doin’?” He jumped up after me and threw on his underwear.

“How could you do this to me, Donny? How could you?!” Tears were cascading down my face as quickly laced up my boots.

“I know this seems like a lot to take in, but you have to look at it from my perspective,” He tried to reason with me. I wasn’t having any of it.

“I thought you loved me, Donny. Is that all this was? You using me? Just one last go before you get shipped off?!”

“No! I do! I love you more than I thought I could ever love anythin’ in my entire life, Julie,”

“Then you wouldn’t be doing this!”

“Babe, you’re actin’ like you’re nevah gonna see me again. I’ll be back!” He held onto my shoulders to keep me from leaving. He tried to lean down for a kiss, but I moved out of the way.

“You know damn well, Donny Donowitz, that with what’s happening over there, odds are you won’t come back!”

“They need me,”

“No they don’t! They can have anyone else in this damned country but you!” I shouted, hysterically.

“Ya need to calm down,”

“Calm? You want me to be calm?! Donny, you’re giving yourself a death wish!” I pushed him back, making his hands fall off my shoulders.

“I can’t just stay here and work in my pop’s shop for the rest of my life. I need somethin’ more,”

“Something more, Donny? I’m right in front of you!”

“That’s not what I-”

“You know what? If you want to go halfway across the world to die in some war that isn’t yours to fight, then go on right ahead. I love you, but just know that if you leave, Donny, I won’t be here waiting for you,” His shoulders visibly deflated. “I won’t tear myself up, waiting for that letter that’ll tell me that you won’t come home. I couldn’t handle it, Donny. I won’t do it,” My bottom lip was trembling as I took shaky breaths in. I grabbed my purse and left his house.

Cars honked at me as I flew in front of them. I was almost there and my legs were about to give out on me. I was a block away from the South Station and I pushed myself harder than I thought physically possible. I sped through the last intersection before I got onto the large walkway in front of the station. Men in green and beige uniforms were scattered around everywhere. I jumped off the bike and threw it to the side as one of the men held open the door for me.

“Thank you!” I called out as I kept my pace up. I ran through the entrance lobby and over to the departure boards. My chest heaved as I read through the different cities until my eyes landed on to New York City: Terminal C, Train 17.

I ran where the arrows directed me, but the masses of people -both in uniform and not- were crowding the terminals. I accidentally ran into a soldier as I turned to the right to get past a group of men in uniforms.

“I’m so sorry!” I called to him as I didn’t even stop. “Donny! Donny!” I called out, even though it was useless. He wouldn’t hear me.

I continued until I found Terminal C. I ran through more people as I tried to find Donny.

“We are now boarding Train 17 to New York City. All passengers on Train 17 please board now.” The woman over the intercom stated. My heart nervously pounded in my chest. What if I didn’t find him? I didn’t know what I was going to do.

All the men looked the same with their green and beige uniforms and their soldiers’ caps on top of their heads. I couldn’t tell one man from the other until I looked at their faces. Donny had always been distinguishable from behind for me. I could spot him in any crowd, but I feared that my capability would be altered completely.

“Donny?! Donny?!” People looked my way, but they weren’t Donny. “Donny?!” I called one final time, giving up hope on ever finding the love of my life in the sea of soldiers. I felt a hand on my back and I whirled around, hoping to see Donny’s face, but was let down by a man -who clearly wasn’t Donny- in a black uniform.

“Are you alright, ma’am?” He asked, genuinely concerned.

“I-I am trying to find someone,” I kept gazing around at all the men’s faces, still not finding Donny.

“A soldier?” His blue eyes were beautiful, but nothing compared to Donny’s silky brown orbs. I nodded my head.

“Yes,”

“Train 17?” I nodded once more, “Last name?”

“Donowitz,”

“I’ll go give it a check. You just stay right here, alright?”

“Thank you…”

“Lieutenant Alec Spincer, ma’am,” He held his large hand out. I met it with mine.

“Julie Malkovitch,” He gave me a friendly smile.

“I’ll go check that for you,” He left me in front of the train on the platform. Soldiers passed me, some giving me suggestive looks, but I didn’t pay any attention to them. I just kept my eye on the doors to the train. It felt an eternity before I saw someone going against the current of the boarding soldiers. Lieutenant Spincer stepped off of the train and looked in my direction. I looked behind him and saw those brown eyes. My heart stopped beating. Surprise was evident on his face as his thick eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

I took off towards him, pushing my way through soldiers as I did so until I got to Donny. I jumped into his arms and wrapped my legs around his thick waist. I wound my arms around his neck and held onto him for dear life.

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry, Donny! I didn’t mean a word I said!” His arms held me tightly and he buried his face in my neck. “I’m here for you, Donny. I always will be. I’d wait for you until the end of time if I had to,” I wailed. Tears streamed down my face as I babbled. He repeated ’I know’ over and over again. “I love you, Donny. I love you so much. I’m not mad at you. I could never be mad at you,” I pulled his face away from my neck and looked into his comforting eyes. “I want you, Donny. There’s no one else out there for me, but you. I’ll wait as long as I have to, but I’ll always be yours,” I pulled his face up to mine and kissed him hungrily. Whistles and hollers echoed around us from the men on the train and those still boarding. We separated and Donny lightly set me down. His rough thumb rubbed against my cheek.

“Thank you,” He whispered, a lopsided grin on his handsome face.

“I could never walk away from you, Donny. You’re the one,”