How to Be Popular

In the end, was being popular really worth changing yourself?

"Tom!" I yelled, banging on his bedroom door.

"What the fuck do you want? I thought I wasn't 'cool enough' for you," I heard him yell from the other side of the door.

"Tom...please don't act like that! I came to apologize!"

He laughed.

"Apologize? Why, did that stupid book tell you to?"

"Tom..." I said, frustrated.

"What? Every since you got that freaking book you've changed so much!"

"No I haven't! I'm still the same Bill I was before. I'm still your little brother!"

"You're still the same? Really? Well, have you tried looking in a mirror lately? I miss the old Bill."

"What? Why? When I looked and acted the way I used to before, you treated me like a freak! It wasn't until after I changed and became popular that you finally started to treat me like a normal human being!"

He was silent. I love it when I'm right...

"So are you going to accept my apology or not?"

"No."

"Why the hell not?"

"Because you don't really mean it!"

"How do you know if I mean it or not?"

"I know. You may be apologizing, but all you still really care about is how many people love you and how amazing you look. If you really didn't care about being popular anymore, then you would go back to the way you used to be."

"Tom...that's not fair!" I complained.

"Well, life isn't fair. Now, leave me the fuck alone."

What the hell? Fucking ungrateful bastard. I try to be nice to be nice to him and look what happens! Asshole...

I tried to tell myself that Tom was just an jerk who wasn't worth getting upset over. But my heart told me otherwise. I started crying.

Of course, I had to get out of that house. I grabbed my backpack and left. I walked to a park a few blocks from my house. There I sat down on a swing and swung slowly, crying.

The confident me was gone and the sad, weak, emo Bill was back.

All I ever wanted was to be loved by everyone. I wanted to feel special. What was so wrong about that? But now everything that I've built up over the past couple of weeks seems to be crashing down so quickly. And I don't even know if I want to be popular anymore. Well, some of me wants it still, but I don't even know if it's worth it anymore.

Tom reminded me today of how much I've changed. I don't even feel like myself anymore. I miss waking up early every morning to straighten my hair and put on make up. I miss wearing whatever the hell I wanted with the innocence of not knowing how much everyone else hated me for it. I really was so innocent before. You may even call it ignorant, but ignorance is bliss. And it was. Yeah, maybe my brother hated me before, but he hates me now, too, and I was still happier before.

I was so busy crying that I didn't even realize that someone came and sat on the swing next to me. The boy had light blond hair, swept across his face. He looked familiar...

"Hey, are you OK?" He asked.

I looked at him.

"Wait...you're Andreas, right?"

He nodded.

"Yeah...we met at that party that your parents threw when you first moved here. I live a couple of houses down from you."

I nodded.

"Yes...I remember now..."

"Good. But...why are you so sad?"

"It's a long story," I replied.

"Oh...well, I've got nothing to do. I'll listen if you want me to."

I looked him in the eyes. He had very sincere eyes... I knew that I could trust him. I sighed.

"Well, it all started one afternoon when I was at the mall and I found a book called How To Be Popular..."

It took me at least half an hour to tell my story, but he listened to every word of it.

"Wow." He said when I finished. "You did all of that just to be popular?"

I nodded.

"Jeez... I can't believe that anyone would want to be popular so badly...damn. Sorry. OK... I'll try to help you. Do you still have this book?"

"I don't know... wait, maybe it's in my backpack... yeah, it's in here."

I took it out and handed it to him. He flipped through it a bit, reading the summary and chapter titles.

"Where did you leave off?"

"I just ended Lesson 6."

"OK, then...let's see what it says for Lesson 7..."

Lesson 7

In the end, was being popular really worth changing yourself?

Yes, it's nice being popular for a while, but is it really what you expected?

We understand that you want to be popular; most people do. However, there is only so much you should do to reach that popularity.

but what is popularity, really? Having a lot of friends, right? And friends are people who love you for who you are. But how can they love the real you if you keep it hidden?

Popularity doesn't have much to do with looks, but it mostly has to do with confidence. You can be the biggest freak in the world, but if you hold your head high with a smile on your face and a positive attitude, you can still become popular.

If you took every lesson seriously, you've probably changed your appearance greatly, and you probably even have a new bitchy attitude to match it. You probably also have a lot of new friends. Friends that will love you no matter what.

If that's true then wouldn't they still love you if you looked a bit differently?

Try going back to the way you were. You'll be surprised at how many people still love you.

"It's a load of shit." I said once Andreas finished reading it.

"Why?"

"Because it's pretty much just telling me to ignore everything that I read in the rest of the book and go back to the way I was before."

"But maybe that's it. Maybe that's what Tom's looking for. You weren't popular when you looked that way you did before. So if Tom wants you to give up on popularity and really mean it, you should change your appearance back to the way it used to be. That will show him that you really mean it."

I thought about it for a moment. As much as I loved to be popular, I did miss the little things like my manicure or wearing lip gloss.

"Andreas, you're a genius!"

"Oh...ok. Thanks."

"Sure. Now I have to go and get a makeover!"

"Good luck. But here's my number...call me and tell me the outcome."

"Sure, see you later!"

I soon found a salon where I got my hair dyed black with white highlights, my nails done, and I bought a ton of make up. I also bought some hot goth/emo clothes at hot topic and then finally I went home.

I walked into my house, wearing tight black pants, a studded belt, and a glittery black shirt. Then I put on a ton of jewelry and I took out those ugly blue contact lenses.

I looked at myself in a full length mirror.

The old Bill was back...

It was bittersweet.

I took a deep breath and went to Tom's room. I then knocked on the door.

"Tom?"

"God, Bill, just leave me the fuck alone!"

"No, I'm not going to leave you alone! Tom, open this motherfucking door right now!"

"Oh, cut the crap and stop being such a diva!"

"No! And if you don't open up this door now, I'm like going to, like, ruin my manicure and that like totally cost me like 50 bucks."

"What? Manicure?!"

THAT got him to open the door.

Oh, that look on his face was priceless! His eyes were wide, and his mouth open in shock.

"B-Bill?"

"Do you like it?" I asked. I put my hands on my hips and an innocent look on my face, as I bit my lip shyly.

He hugged me tightly.

"Oh, Bill, I love it!"

I hugged him back, smiling. He leaned in and kissed me deeply.

"Oh my god, Bill, why did you change back?"

"Because I knew that this is what you wanted me to do."

"Yeah, but...I didn't think that you really would change..."

"I didn't think that I would either...but a new friend made me realize what was more important to me."

"New friend?"

"It's a long story..."

"Oh. Well I'm glad to hear that you changed back to your old self because you love me."

"What?" I changed back because I love manicures!" I joked.

"Bill!"

"I'm joking!" I kissed him.

"Sorry. But I like can't wait until school tomorrow so that I can, like, show everyone!"

Tom ran his fingers through my jet black hair and sighed.

"I still can't believe that this is for real..."

"It is! Thank god...now I can stop pretending."

"Pretending? But I thought that you WANTED to change?"

"Kinda. But like the only reason why I like got that whole makeover was to be popular. Every time I like looked into a mirror, I felt so like...fake. And those preppy clothes looked like shit. I'm glad to be back."

"I'm glad, too. But...can you please stop saying "like" so much?"

"Sorry! I used to say like a lot, though. before I changed...but now I'm back."

"Yes...you're back."

"Bill! Tom! I'm home!" Mom called.

"Hey," Tom replied.

She walked into her room to take off her coat and shoes. She hadn't seen me yet, and I was out of view.

I called to her, "Mommy?"

"Yes, Bill?"

"Can we go to the spa this weekend?" We haven't gone in like ages and I could like totally go for a day at the spa."

Tom and I tried not to laugh. We could only imagine the shocked look on her face, since she doesn't know that I changed back yet.

"Uh...what Bill?"

I walked into her room. The look on her face was priceless.

"I want to go to the spa, duh! Did I say that clearly enough? And I need more mascara; my other one's all dried out."

Mom looked like she was ready to cry. She hugged me tightly, practically suffocating me.

"Bill! You're back!"

"Yeah...I'm back."

"I'm so happy! Oh, my! I feel like I've just woken up from a terrible nightmare... Oh, you look so beautiful! I'm glad that I have my little girl...ahem...boy back! We need to celebrate! Do you want to go out for dinner tonight? Anything you want. And I'll call the spa to set up an appointment for this weekend. I've been going to a new spa now, I'm sure that you'll love it there! I'm so glad that you're back to the way you used to be."

It was shocking. I never realized how much my need for popularity affected my entire family. My mom is acting like I was dead and just brought back to life!

I couldn't help but think of the bible story about the Prodigal son...

"Mom...you don't have to do all of that. It's no big deal, really."

"Oh, don't be silly! I'll be right back Bill - I need to call Gordon at work and tell him the news!"

When she left to grab the phone I left her room and went into Tom's. He was sitting on his bed, playing the guitar. I sat down next to him and put my head on his shoulder.

"This has just made everything more complicated." I said.

"Why?"

"Because mom is acting like I've died and just brought back from the dead."

"Well, she missed shopping and doing make up with her little girl!"

"Shut up," I said, glaring at him. Just because I was more girlish then most boys didn't mean that I was a girl!

"Sorry," said Tom. "I had to say it! But you should be happy that you're getting all of this attention. Do you think that mom and Gordon will give me a lot of attention if I cut off my dreads?"

"Oh my god, no, don't!" I said quickly.

"Why? You're always making fun of my dreads, anyways."

"So? They are you. It would be weird to see you any other way."

"Fine, the dreads stay! I was joking, anyways. I love my dreads. Unlike you, I won't change the way that I am just because other people want me to."

"Yeah right. You're just saying that because you've always been popular."

Tom just shrugged. He put his arm around my waist.

"I feel like I'm going to wake up tomorrow to find you blond still."

"No way am I going blond again!"

"I hope not."

Tom leaned in and kissed me softly.

"Stop, mom could come in!" I said.

"Then tell her you were giving me CPR," he muttered, leaning in to kiss me again.

I leaned away from him and laughed.

"She's not going to believe that!"

"So? Take a risk, please?"

He didn't give me a chance to reply before he was kissing me again.

"Tomi..."

He slipped his tongue into my mouth, his hands around my waist. I put my arms around his neck, and played with his piercing, using my tongue. Tom moaned and tried to take off my shirt. I attached my teeth to his piercing and pulled on it.

"Ow!" He pulled back. "That hurt! Why did you pull on it?"

I smirked.

"I told you, no kissing. Mom could come in. Don't mess with me."

I stood up.

"Mom says that we're going out for dinner tonight when Gordon comes home from work. So I need to get ready..."

I opened the door and left his room to go to my own. I sat at my computer, putting some of the music I used to listen to back on my mp3 player, when I heard Gordon come home from work. Him and mom were talking, and their voices grew louder as they came closer to my room.

"No... you can't be serious," Gordon whispered.

"Why would I lie?" I have my Billa back!"

Gordon sighed.

"I won't believe it until I see it."

"Ok, then. Look."

I heard her knock on my door.

"Come in!" I yelled. The door opened, and mom and a shocked-looking Gordon were standing there.

"Wow...Bill..." was all that Gordon could say.

"Hello," I said, as if nothing had changed.

"H-hi." Gordon replied.

"Bill, are you ready to go?" Mom asked. "We're all hungry."

I sighed and stood up. Then I put on my jacket.

"Yeah, let's go."

I followed them out the door.

"Tom! Let's go!" Mom yelled.

He came out of his room and was soon standing next to me as we walked to the car.

"So Bill, what restaurant do you want to go to?" Mom asked, as she got in the car.

I sighed. I wish that everyone would stop treating me like this.

"I don't care, you pick."

"But you should, Bill!" Mom insisted. I rolled my eyes and turned towards Tom.

"Tom, where should we go for dinner?" I whispered.

"Uh...that chinese place we went to last month," he whispered back.

"Thanks," I whispered, before turning back to mom.

"Ok, mom, how about that Chinese restaurant? The Red Dragon or whatever?"

"Good idea! Let's go."

I put my head on Tom's shoulder and listened to Nena as we drove away. I hadn't listened to Nena in forever...

Tom put his arm around me. It was an innocent gesture, since our parents were right there with us.

Mom looked back at us and smiled.

"It's so nice to see you two getting along like this! I remember before Bill went through his...ah...phase...and you two used to hate each other! I'm afraid that I'll blink and you two will have changed back to that!"

"Don't worry mom," said Tom. "This is permanent."

"Yeah, mom," I agreed. "Tom finally realized that not only was I a human being, but I'm also his twin, and he finally started treating me like it."

"Bill, does this mean no more football games with me and Tom?" Gordon asked.

I laughed.

"Uhh...no. If there's one thing that I hated most about that experience, it would have to be the Sunday night football games with you two. They were so boring! The most interesting things were the cheerleaders. Mommy, can I be a cheerleader?"

I looked at my mother and batted my eyelashes. She laughed.

"Whatever you want, sweetie."

"Yay!"

I leaned my head back on Tom's shoulder. He leaned down to whisper in my ear.

"Would you wear the girl's uniform? You have nice legs."

I gasped, blushing. I knew that mom and Gordon probably couldn't hear him, but he still shouldn't be saying those things right now!

"Tom!" I whispered back.

"What? It's the truth," he whispered.

Sometimes he could be such a pig...

We soon arrived at the restaurant. While we were eating, mom started asking me about school.

"So, Bill, are you scared that you won't be popular anymore when you go to school tomorrow?"

"Uh..." My stomach hurt suddenly. It's like when you're at an amusement park on the tallest roller coaster and suddenly you speed down the highest hill and your stomach flips painfully.

Yes, I WAS extremely anxious about the next day, however, I wasn't thinking about it. Why did she have to remind me? I started to feel sick with nerves.

"Excuse me," I said, and ran to the bathroom. I reached the toilet just in time before I threw up all of the food that I had just finished eating. But my stomach was still tingling with nerves.

What if no one like me anymore? What if the called me a fag and threw dodge balls at me in gym? I don't know if I'm ready to live through that again. And Tom tells me that he loves me but what if I become unpopular and he starts treating me the way that he used to again? There were so many "what if?" 's.

I sighed and fixed my lip gloss in the mirror and then went back out to my family.

"Can we go home?" I asked.

"What's wrong?" said mom.

"I feel sick..." replied.

Mom and Tom stood up. Gordon stayed to wait for the check. I leaned on Tom, who put his arm around my waist and led me out to the car.

"Why are you sick?" He asked.

"I think it's because I'm scared to go to school tomorrow..." I admitted.

Tom sighed.

"Bill, I'm sure they will still love you. It's mostly a personality thing that makes a person popular, not necessarily their looks."

"That's what the book said..."

Tom just rolled his eyes.

~~~

The next morning when I woke up, I have to admit that for a moment I had forgotten what happened the day before. It was weird seeing black hair falling into my face instead of blond. I smiled at my reflection and then I started applying my eyeliner, then glitter eyeshadow, mascara, lip gloss, etc. Next I straightened my hair until it was super straight.

I wore tight dark blue jeans, tight black shirt, a silver jacket, and black converse. Then I put on some necklaces and about 10 different bracelets. Finally, I was ready.

I walked out of my room to see Tom. I smiled at him.

"So...it wasn't a dream," he said, smirking.

He kissed me on the cheek.

"You look beautiful. Are you ready?"

I took a deep breath.

"As ready as I'll ever be."

We held hands as we walked to school. We decided not to take the bus, so that everyone could see me as soon as I got to school, and not a moment before. Not many kids went on the bus, but still, i wanted everyone to see me at the same time.

When we got to school, a lot of people were staring at me in the hallways. I was so nervous and my stomach was killing me. Everyone was looking at me and whispering, but I couldn't understand what they were saying. I still tried to hold my head high, though. Even if I felt terribly shy and nervous on the inside, I knew that I could at least fake confidence.

An ugly nerdy girl came up to me and started at me in awe.

"Can I help you?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

Tom laughed.

"B-Bill Kaulitz?" She stuttered in shock.

"Uh...yeah..." I replied.

She gasped and then ran into the school newspaper's office, yelling,
"Stop the press! Push the article on the broken drinking fountain to page 5! We've got a new headline! Jimmy, get your camera and find Bill Kaulitz! Hurry!"

Tom and I just looked at each other and laughed. Then we entered the cafeteria. My heart started beating really fast when I saw all of my friends in there, eating breakfast. I hid behind Tom.

"Do I have to go over there?" I asked.

Tom sighed.

"Yes, Bill. Don't worry, it's going to be ok. I promise. And if they are jerks to you, I'll beat them up, ok?"

I nodded, but I was still nervous.

Tom started walking over to them, pulling my hand so I was forced to go with him. We stopped in front of their table, where they were so busy talking, texting, or eating that no one noticed us standing there. Tom cleared his throat.

Everyone looked up at is. They all wore the same confused looks on their faces. Finally Miaka said something.

"Bill? Is that you?"

I nodded, and then I shyly looked at my feet. I heard a few "oh my god's". There was an uncomfortable silence. I just kept staring at my feet, because I was way to nervous to look any of them on their eyes.

"Somebody...please, just say something." I pleaded nervously.

I was surprised at what happened next. Miaka came up to me and hugged me.

"Bill! You look gorgeous!"

My mouth fell open in shock. This was the exact opposite of what I expected to happen.

"W-what?" I asked.

"I think she said that you were gorgeous, which is true," said Zac, smiling at me.

"B-but I though...I was afraid that you would all hate it...I was afraid that you would all hate me."

"We could never hate you, " Julia said.

"OMG, wow, Bill! You look like a model!" Said some random girl walking past me. I was speechless.

"See, what were you afraid of?" Tom asked. "They still love you. You never had to change yourself."

"Yeah...I guess I didn't..." I said quietly, a tear falling down my cheek.

"Oh, Bill! Why are you crying?" Miaka asked.

I quickly wiped away my tears.

"It's nothing...I'm just so happy that you guys accept me. You're such amazing friends!"

"Awww!"

All of my friend surrounded me in a group hug, with me at the center. It was like my friends were protecting me - forming a wall of love around me that couldn't be broken. I looked up at Tom. He winked at me. I smiled.

Oh, to be loved! What more could I ever ask for?