My Guardian Angel.

5.19.2036

Do you know what it feels like to live without love? To have the very few reasons you have to exist disappear before you could even vow to never let them go?

It feels endless.

It feels like falling forever into a pit of nothingness, somersaulting and twirling mid-fall and trying madly to grasp hold of lifelines that aren’t there. It feels like walking into a cold, dark tunnel that isn’t close to ending and never will. It feels like standing in a wall of flames, screaming for help as you watch your skin blister and crumple under the heat’s hot tongues, but never dying; never seeing help coming.

It feels like your mother charging at you ready to kill; your brother sitting in the corner oblivious to the world.

This is why I don’t want to love. This is why I don’t want to feel like a human and not a soulless monster anymore. Why I refuse to let anyone take me into their arms and make me feel invincible. I don’t want to feel whole and safe and finally at peace…

Only to forever fall into a pit of nothingness once again.

I loved my Dad (Jacob Black) and I loved my Mom (Renesmee Black), I loved my brother, Asher—just like I loved my best friend, Embry Call, and just like I loved my overly large family in the Quileute Tribe.

While I loved them all the same, my heart never intended for anything more then a brotherly love—my love wasn't a priority. Dad says I'm too young to think about love, that I shouldn't have to worry, because the right person will wait and give me all the time in the world If I asked (I just think he doesn't want his little girl getting cooties.)

Silently, I crouched readying for the pounce. His back was turned to me, his butt sticking out as he rambled through our large fridge. Piling condiments onto the counter top, I sprang and landed on his back with a mighty 'Ouuf'. Not so much did he topple or jump at my sudden appearance.

"Why can't I scare you?" I wondered aloud, wrapping my arms around his neck tightly. He didn't reply—as he was far too busy stuffing his face with his newly made sandwich.

He held it a little over his shoulder so that it was indicated towards me. I leaned forward and took a bit from it, my mouth watering from the taste.

"You're hungry." He stated, handing me the other half of his very large sandwich. I took it (along with the plate) and slid off his back onto the chair. I ate it quietly, watching as he poured us two full glasses of juice. "Didn't you eat today?" He asked quietly.

"No," I said around a mouthful. "Didn't have the time this morning."

He finished his lunch and watched as I slowly bit into mine—for a stranger reason, my stomach wasn't taking too well to food lately. His face twisted with concern, causing his tiny dimple between his brows to indent slightly, making his expression less serious and more adorable. "You didn't bother to call home?"

I rolled my eyes, "I'm in the ninth grade—not many people eat."

He scoffed, "Not the ones who plan on getting drunk later, Aura. Please finish before your Dad gets home."

If there was any person Embry Call hated getting upset, it was my father, Jacob. He was a tall, handsome tan man with beautiful black eyes and a charming smile. It's not a wonder to why he caught my mom; she's pretty amazing herself. Tall-ish, beautiful brown ringlets, pale skin and chocolate brown eyes. She had a musical voice, and she loved to dance.

I look more like my father—or so says everyone. I have my mothers body, but my fathers face and heritage. Smooth tan skin, full lips, deep-ish and husky voice—only difference is that my eye's are like my Moms; chocolate brown.

"Why? Mom's cooking tonight."

He sighed, "I promised him I'd feed you before-hand, because you aren't eating."

"I am." I argued, looking at the top of the table with more interest. I'd looked at it a hundred times before; and it only got interesting when I couldn't look at anyone.

"Of course you are, Aura." He mused, drawing patterns on the table with his large finger. I followed it, noticing that it was tracing letters, not pictures.

E.

A.

T.

I sighed heavily, "Fine." My hands took the remainder of the sandwich and shoved it into my mouth. I looked up and chewed, my eye's set in a glare.

Embry smiled gently, "Thank you." He whispered.

The front door swung open and Dad's huge frame bumped in, carrying several bags of food. "Eating our food again, Call."

"I was trying to get little A here to eat." Embry defended, leaning back in his chair beside me.

"Uh-huh." Dad grunted, placing the bags on the floor in front of the bottom cupboards.

"Afternoon, dear." Mom breathed, coming in with the small remainder of the bags. She set those on the counter and turned to me with a bag in her hand and tossed it.

Automatically, Embry caught it before it hit my face and handed it to me.

"Don't open it here!" She exclaimed, stopping my hand before I could get it open. "It's a surprise."

"Okay.."

I tucked it back against the wall and turned to lean on Embry, shoving my face in his bare arm. Mom giggled lightly, when I looked up I saw Dad nuzzling his face into her neck. I looked at Embry and rolled my eyes. He smiled.

"Why don't you two lumps go watch t.v or something?" Dad said, helping Mom put the food away.

"Sure thing," Embry said, lifting me over his shoulder. I'd gotten so used to it that I didn't mind.

I took the remote and sunk into the couch the way he dropped me (butt up in the air, face down on the couch) and I flicked it on. Spongebob came on the screen and I settled down against the couch, placing my feet on Embry's lap.

For about an hour, I watched cartoons with the warm male next to me until Mom called Asher, Embry and I into the kitchen for dinner. Mom and Dad sat on the side facing the far wall, Asher sat with his back facing the fridge and Embry was almost always over, so he and I sat with our backs facing the back door.

Tonight, Mom made something easy—soft Taco's.

"Dan and Nate are going to the beach later for a party—can I go?" Asher asked hopefully.

Dan Uley and Nate Reece were two other guys part of our 'big family.' Nate was Uncle Paul and Auntie Rachel's kid—seventeen and loud (just like his father). Dan was Sam and Emily's first born child; he was more calm and collected then Nate, but Dan had a temper that I feared.

Nate had three younger siblings—Josh, Mike and Lily. And Dan had only one other—Maria. Dan and Nate were both older, so naturally Asher loved hanging with them.

"How late." Dad asked, taking a bit from his first Taco.

Asher shifted in his chair and mutter something. Dad and Embry both snorted and shook their heads.

"I don't think so," Dad said, wiping his mouth.

"Dad!"

"Sorry kid."

Pouting, my brother shoved his Taco in his mouth, glaring at his plate. He at as much as Dad and Embry; while mom ate half of what I did—which was much to nothing.

"Eat up, Aura." Mom warned, tapping her fingers on the table rapidly.

"I'm not very hungry." I admitted, picking at the meat on the soft wrap.

Embry shoved his fifth taco into his mouth and watched me. "Twy ter eet." He muttered around his food.

"Yeah, I'll get right on that." I mumbled, slumping against the table.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Mom asked, touching my forehead lightly.

The only thing Mom and Dad had in common was their heat—everyone I knew was hot. Dan, Nate, Asher, Embry, Paul, Sam, Embry's friend Quil, Seth and Leah; mainly everyone in this little town. I wasn't sure if I was, because I couldn't exactly feel myself.

"I don't know—I'm tired." I sighed, rubbing my eye's lazily.

"Embry," Dad said, gesturing towards me.

"Of course." He said quiet. In the next second, I was lifted up and taken down the hall to my room. Embry placed me on my bed and sat next to me, moving my hair out of my face.

"Sleep. I'm sure Jake or Nessie will come get you when they want you to eat later,"

"You won't be here?" I asked, twining my fingers in his.

"No, I've got something to do for your Dad. But I'll be back tomorrow to walk you to school."

I smiled, "Kay,"

He kissed my cheek tenderly and squeezed my hand before standing and leaving me in my room. I pulled the covers from under me and pulled them up over me to my head and shut my eyes, my stomach churning unpleasantly.

I said I didn't believe in love, and I stick by that. But sometimes, when you grow up in a place where love is so strong, it's extremely hard to ignore it. I'm honestly happy with the way my life's turned out thus far—fourteen and loved.

It's better then being fourteen and feeling lonely.

Hey, no one ever said life with easy.