You Are What You Are

“We’re here.” Holy shit. It feels like I slept for two minutes. “Nope.” Well obviously, Kellin. “Again, you’re impossible.” Again, I know I am. I hear him sigh.

Rubbing at my eyes, I sit up a little and glance outside at the school. I can almost hear the desperate cries for help and smell the blood from the executions. I wait for other steer to rise before I do so myself, standing on shaking legs that are also slightly numb from my prior positioning on the seat. Okay, I’m sure no one would get much off of my bones if it ever came down to me being consumed. “Ha, you might be.” How cool. Anyway- “You’re in for Hell.” I can more or less justify that for myself, thanks. “You’re welcome.”

Just being here, not even inside, is enough to cause me immense distaste. I loathe this place. You know, it’s not even because of the work that’s thrown into my corn-feed every day; it’s being constantly surrounded by ignorance and fake people. I’m not much of a people-person (or cow) so that probably sounds a tad bias. I can tolerate being around others but I certainly do not fancy being around people who can’t even be themselves. I’m sure life is so much easier with someone else to direct you in your clothing style and how you speak but, then again, I would never know. I’m stubborn, conceited. I won’t stomp my hoof when told to.

I descend the stairs, smiling back at the bus-driver who told me to have a good day. People such as this are ones held in utmost respect by me. A smile spreads across my lips like a crashing wave before disappearing as it hits the sand. My gaze is turned towards my prison now and the ball and chain are seriously weighing me down. I’m filled with lead. Throw me in the ocean.

“I love hearing you.” Um, alright. Thanks I guess. “You’re so poetic but not in a painful way.” Okay. What do you want? “Nothing. Jesus, can’t take a compliment?” From you? Something has to be up, Kellin. Talk to me baby. “I’m being serious. I have no ulterior motive. How very interesting. This is a first. “Not unpleasant, I hope?” Not in the slightest. “Good, good. I uh-” Yeah. Let’s leave it at that.

My hand ever-so-slightly runs across the railing as more of a habit than any sort of assistance. I’m completely ready to spend six hours of my life that doesn’t appear very static anymore. You see, I was never one to experience much change in how my life was operating and which pasture I grazed in and such. I don’t know about anything anymore. I also have a math test today, which I certainly know absolutely nothing about. I suppose Kellin has some significant integrity because he will not help me. “You are A+. Right on the money my man. Ha, fuck you and me both. I hate how you come and go as you please. Jesus, you implied that you’re helpful. But come on, Seriously? Seriously?! I am helping you by not helping you. You sound like Machiavelli. He was an intelligent man. Um... I’m best friends with Pope Urban. Sure you are. Just as much as you know Machiavelli. I never said that I did. I can read textbooks too, you know. It’s early, Kellin. So? My comprehension skills are lacking. I’ve noticed.

If I could punch Kellin or cause him any sort of suffering, I’d love to have the ability to inflict it right about now. Am I that lucky? I think it’s obvious that of course I’m not. I wouldn’t dream of something so foreign, so perfect. Emery’s companionship would fill my empry void of useless emotions right now, that’s certain. He’s quite the tourniquet with absolutely no doubt.

Like, I can remember this from about three months ago, but, one night I completely was in a rage with everything for reasons that I cannot remember. I hit him up on MSN during this anger, to which he took as a good time to come on over before I slaughtered myself, a lamp, or another person. He doesn’t like blood, doesn’t get the same delightful stomach-turn that I do from its scent or viewing. Although he had to knock into me and make sure I stayed down, while telling me to calm down, I am grateful for it. I’ll never quite understand what ticked me off so terribly, really lit my fuse. The day had gone by as normal as anything for me can be, filled with school and pasta on the couch watching CSI. I’m not exactly known for spontaneous behavior either, so... mindfuck. Me? Forever mindfucked- now isn’t that the truth. The pasta was fabulous, though.

It’s lonely standing outside of school. I mean, you either look like a creeper or just that one guy that nobody really knows but sees everywhere. I’d go with the latter, although depressing and although I don’t care. I inhale sharply, stiffening slightly as I divert my eyes to the ground in a swift motion. I let out a sigh, deciding it’s probably a grand time to head for those main doors. Upon pulling my iPod from it’s position, it has come to my attention that my loitering is fine due to the fact that I magically got here early. I’m generally always late inside anyway (hence why I’ve been outside) due to the fact that I have study hall first period and Mr. Gritch isn’t very strict with attendance as long as he sees you before there’s twenty minutes left of the period.

Seeing as it’s at my dispense, I put my earphones into my ears to drown out the early morning buzz as I stride through the doors and lug myself down the main hallway towards the turning point to go down Sophomore hallway- Wise Fool hallway. Unfortunately, my locker is nowhere near Emery’s. They did it alphabetical and Emery Fredence and Kayle Valance are quite far apart. "Kellin Ville." Random-ish, but, you don’t have a locker. "I’m aware I uh, uh.. just forget about So... Just forget about it." His bark bit my eardrum with quite a force. I am, I must say, quite impressed. Anger, eh? Oh Kellin, Kellin, you’re killing me. "You won’t need my help for that."

Fuck me dry, fuck me dirty, fuck me until I bleed.