Rollercoaster.

And I can't see.

I don’t know
I can’t start if I don’t know.

I can try, but…
Here, I’ll try.
Maybe you can understand,
Because I sure as hell don’t.

I had to teach myself to walk.
To talk
How to live
And how to breathe
All on my own.

I had to unlock my memories
One by one
With a key hidden from sight
Underneath shark jaws
And skeletons of dead fish.

I had to dig into my soul
Like a construction worker
Does to his wife
Every night
Searching for an orgasm.

Except for me,
This exploration
It wasn’t pleasurable.

My eyes were on fire
And my mouth was screaming
But no words came out.

I knew I was alive
But just barely.

My subconscious
Raged out in terror
And I will never forget
That moment when
I knew I was dying.