Don't You Ever Fear I'm Always Near
I Can't
Kirstie and I have been spending so much time together. I’ve loved every second of it! We’ve done all of those things we used to when we were younger! I hung out at the garage with her a lot.Of course Josh was there. But that we still fun. We spent hours watching Drake and Josh and laughed until our stomach’s hurt. We even attempted to bake cupcakes…Why was I craving Monster cupcakes? Those didn’t turn out too well, but we still ate every last one.
Today though, I was going to stay home. I was just having one of those days where I just didn’t want to be around anyone. I just wanted some me time. So, that’s what I did. I made me a big sundae, put on comfy clothes and planted my butt on the couch.
Then my phone rang...
I didn’t even look to see who it was. I just figured it was Kirstie or one of my managers since I have a drifting event next weekend. But once I heard that voice on the other end, my heart broke all over again.
“You finally answer,” Tanner he sighed on the other line.
“I didn’t know it was you,” I replied callously.
There was silence on the line for a fewlong awkward seconds. I eventually sucked it up and sighed after I ran my hand through my hair,trying so hard not to pull it out.
“We’re not together. Why are you calling?” I finally asked.
“I… miss you,” his voice softly spoke, making a sting shoot through my eyes.
“Well… I don’t miss you,” I pushed out, trying so hard to keep my tears in.
“Kylee, don’t lie to me,” he said with a knowing tone in his voice that made me so mad.
“Cause you know every last thing about me,” I snapped, letting a few tears roll down my cheeks.
“Not everything, but I think I know quite a bit,” he said all cool, calm, and collected.
“Sure you do,” I sarcastically countered.
“I do. I know how bright your eyes get when you’re behind the wheel of your car. I know that you’re afraid of failure. I know that the only thing you want more than anything in the world is your family and you car… in that order. And I know that… you’re in love with this butthead that hurt your feelings so much,” he replied, his voice fading towards the end.
His words took me aback for a few moments.Everything he said was spot on. I don’t love him… I don’t love him… I don’t love him! He told me that he wanted a break when things were going so well for us and now… he does this. Thinking about it caused me to become so enraged.
“I don’t love you,” I finally replied, hating that I was hearing my own voice crack.
“Baby…” he started.
“I’m not anyone’s baby… and I’m certainly not yours. You wanted this, Tanner. You can’t just go around messing with my emotions this way,” I told him, letting my tears run freely now.
“Just please give me another chance,” he replied.
I sat there, staring at the floor in thought. I wanted to take him back. I wanted to go running right back into his arms. I wanted to be able to look into his calming blue eyes and just be happy again…
“I can’t,” I pushed out, my voice so small that I could barley hear it.
I couldn’t bring myself to stay on the line after I said that. I didn’t want to hear how much pain was in his voiceeven though he’s caused me so much Once I let the phone drop to the floor I put my head in my hands and cried, letting everything come out of me.
Now, I suddenly didn’t want to be alone. The only person that I could think would understand was… Kirstie. But I had no idea what she was doing tonight. I would assume that it was nothing though. If she was, it couldn’t be too important. I hope it’s not anyway.
Today though, I was going to stay home. I was just having one of those days where I just didn’t want to be around anyone. I just wanted some me time. So, that’s what I did. I made me a big sundae, put on comfy clothes and planted my butt on the couch.
Then my phone rang...
I didn’t even look to see who it was. I just figured it was Kirstie or one of my managers since I have a drifting event next weekend. But once I heard that voice on the other end, my heart broke all over again.
“You finally answer,” Tanner he sighed on the other line.
“I didn’t know it was you,” I replied callously.
There was silence on the line for a fewlong awkward seconds. I eventually sucked it up and sighed after I ran my hand through my hair,trying so hard not to pull it out.
“We’re not together. Why are you calling?” I finally asked.
“I… miss you,” his voice softly spoke, making a sting shoot through my eyes.
“Well… I don’t miss you,” I pushed out, trying so hard to keep my tears in.
“Kylee, don’t lie to me,” he said with a knowing tone in his voice that made me so mad.
“Cause you know every last thing about me,” I snapped, letting a few tears roll down my cheeks.
“Not everything, but I think I know quite a bit,” he said all cool, calm, and collected.
“Sure you do,” I sarcastically countered.
“I do. I know how bright your eyes get when you’re behind the wheel of your car. I know that you’re afraid of failure. I know that the only thing you want more than anything in the world is your family and you car… in that order. And I know that… you’re in love with this butthead that hurt your feelings so much,” he replied, his voice fading towards the end.
His words took me aback for a few moments.Everything he said was spot on. I don’t love him… I don’t love him… I don’t love him! He told me that he wanted a break when things were going so well for us and now… he does this. Thinking about it caused me to become so enraged.
“I don’t love you,” I finally replied, hating that I was hearing my own voice crack.
“Baby…” he started.
“I’m not anyone’s baby… and I’m certainly not yours. You wanted this, Tanner. You can’t just go around messing with my emotions this way,” I told him, letting my tears run freely now.
“Just please give me another chance,” he replied.
I sat there, staring at the floor in thought. I wanted to take him back. I wanted to go running right back into his arms. I wanted to be able to look into his calming blue eyes and just be happy again…
“I can’t,” I pushed out, my voice so small that I could barley hear it.
I couldn’t bring myself to stay on the line after I said that. I didn’t want to hear how much pain was in his voiceeven though he’s caused me so much Once I let the phone drop to the floor I put my head in my hands and cried, letting everything come out of me.
Now, I suddenly didn’t want to be alone. The only person that I could think would understand was… Kirstie. But I had no idea what she was doing tonight. I would assume that it was nothing though. If she was, it couldn’t be too important. I hope it’s not anyway.