Don't You Ever Fear I'm Always Near

“T..Tanner,” My voice softly said into the phone.

“Kirstie?” He asked.

“Yeah, it’s me,” I replied.

“Are you okay?” Tanner quickly asked.

“Um well…do you think it would be okay if I came over and talked to you?” I asked him in a whisper, my voice didn’t seem to be able to manage much else.

“Sure Kirstie, do you want me to call Kylee and have her come over?” He questioned to me.

“No, I just want to talk to you if that’s okay,” I told him.

“Sure, sure,” He gently said.

“Okay, I’ll be over there in a few minutes,” I spoke before we said our goodbye’s momentarily.

I drove listening to Lullabies by All Time Low, that was a mistake. It seemed to be speaking exactly what I was feeling but I was able to only shed a few tears. I quickly wiped them away before pulling into Tanner’s driveway.

He was standing out on his front porch, leaning up against the railing. As I got out of my car he shot me a big smile. I walked up the steps and immediately went into his embrace. It couldn’t ever compare to Josh’s hugs but…it was a hug and I desperately needed one.

“Talk away, I’m here to listen,” Tanner kindly replied as we sat down on two chairs he had outside.

“Where to start,” I mumbled to myself while running a hand through my hair. “I kind of wanted to talk to you since you’re a guy and all…”

“Yeah, last time I checked I was,” He joked, trying to bring my spirits up. It did manage to make the edges of my mouth curl up a tiny bit.

“Is this all my fault?” I asked him.

“Why do you ask that?”

“Because I feel like it is,” I sighed truthfully. “I mean, did it appear to you like I was hitting on Wil?”

“You want me to be honest?” He asked me.

“Yes, completely.”

“Whether he meant to or not, Wil was being really flirty with you and Josh wasn’t the only one that saw Wil checking you out either,” Tanner said while looking over at me.

“Was I flirting with Wil?” I asked, a wave of nervousness coming over me.

“No, you weren’t at all,” He said, making me instantly relax.

“I just…I just don’t understand why Josh would make me choose between Wil and him, I thought he knew I love him,” I softly spoke while biting my lower lip, trying to keep my tears back.

“I think Josh was just jealous that another guy was ‘invading on his territory’ even though you didn’t do anything,” Tanner said, using air quotes that made me smile.

“But I love Josh, I don’t even like Wil, only as a friend,” I sighed. “I just don’t know why Josh would be that way.”

“Ya’ know Kirstie,” He started. “We all do things that we don’t know why or regret. Sometimes we even think we’re doing the right thing but we find out later that we’re not.”

“I guess,” I whispered. “I just wish he didn’t leave. I love Josh. It broke my heart seeing him walk away from me.”

“I think that when Josh left he thought he was doing the right thing. You said that Josh told you that when you love someone you have to be able to let them go, and I think that Josh thought that by letting you go, that would make you happier and he needed to let you decide,” Tanner told me.

“I still love him though,” I cried.

“Aw, it’s okay Kirstie,” Tanner cooed while pulling me into his arms.

“But I won’t ever get him back,” I bawled.

“Yes you will,” He tried to encourage me.

“If he didn’t believe that I loved him on the day he left how am I going to be able to convince him now?” I asked through my waterfall of tears that were coming from my dark brown eyes.

“Kirstie, all I can tell you is it’ll be okay,” He said while looking into my eyes.

“How do you know?” I asked him.

“Just trust me,” Tanner smiled.

I don’t know why, but I did trust him. Tanner is kind of becoming like the brother I never had. I just wish I had the boyfriend I once had….