Don't You Ever Fear I'm Always Near

“What am I going to do without my favorite greasy couple?” I pouted as I was giving my sister and my new… bother-in-law their last goodbyes before they flew off for their honeymoon.

“You’ll be in your little high powered cars the second we leave,” Kirstie teased.

And she’s right. Since the whole… Tanner and I thing, I’ve done nothing but be in my Rally car. I would be in my drift car, but… that makes me think of Tanner, so I stay away from that one.

I don’t even know if he’s still in the state. I haven’t seen him since Josh and Kirstie’s wedding that was two days ago. He didn’t even approach me once. What a butthead. I should have threw my ring at him…but I feel weird if I take it off now.

“Well, you guys have fun. But then again, you really don’t need me telling you that,” I teased.

“Oh, we will,” Josh had to reply while winkling his eyebrows… ew. I could have gone the rest of my life without seeing that!

“Ok, Kirsite, I’m trying to be nice, but I need to get him out of my vision before I throw up my breakfast,” I teased, making Josh roll his eyes and Kirstie let out a little giggle.

“Alright, fine. But I want a hug!” she smiled while walking over to pull me into a tight hug. “Make sure you take care of yourself,” she went on softly, making me let out a big sigh.

Everyone thinks I’m emotionally unstable since Tanner and I aren’t together. I don’t get it! Just because I’m moody…and am not really myself doesn’t mean I can’t handle anything without certain people.

“I will,” I still pushed out once she pulled away.

“WAIT! JG wants a hug,” the greasy thing had to speak up.

I didn’t even have time to run away. His arms hooked around me so tightly that I couldn’t fight my way away from him. Remind me to start hating on this kid later! Just when I thought he was ok, he goes and rubs all of his greainess on me! URG!

“Aw,” Kirstie cooed, quickly followed by a flash.

“You did not just take a picture of your greasy husband hugging me!” I shot at her, still trying to fight free of Josh’s hold.

“Um… I think I just did,” she smirked.

I groaned again, causing Josh to chuckle before he finally let go of me. As he walked away, I pretended to be brushing stuff off of me;all of his grease! The pair let out a sarcastic chuckle before they had to start making their way to their gate, leaving me here… alone.

A sigh came out of me as I started walking to my car. Once I was in there, I drove to the Rally track at my parents’ house. My team was around today. They usually aren’t.

I changed into my suit without any words being exchanged. Even as I climbed into my car, no one spoke. So, I took the track… hard; maybe even a little too hard. I kind of… crashed. I took a corner too sharp, making the car get really sideways, eventually going on two wheels before flipping over… three times.

Once the car came to a stop, I was a little disorientated. I honestly didn’t know what way was up. Pretty soon I heard my team rushing over, asking if I was ok. This is when I realized I was upside down.

“Ky, you ok? Do you need medical?” I think Randy asked, but I was a little blurry, so how knows?

“Yeah… I think I’m fine. I‘m just… dizzy,” I pushed out

A few minutes later, I’m sitting in my trailer with my team drilling me with questions, mostly to make sure I was ok. I’m fine! Rally cars have roll cages! I was just dizzy and ticked off that I wrecked my car. And of course they wouldn’t let me drive home; they wouldn’t even let me go to my own house. They took me right to my parents’ and just had to tell them what happened. Being the parents that they are, they asked all the questions my team did before I brushed them off to go sit in the kitchen.

I sat at the table, looking out the backyard… at the gazebo. I let out sigh out as I rubbed my hands over my face. I am emotionally unstable.

As the minutes passed, my mom came over and put a hot cup of tea in front of me. I sent her a weak smile before I took a small sip. She returned it and pulled up a chair next to me.

“You ok?” she asked, pushing the hair out of my face in a motherly way.

“Fine,” I mumbled out.

“Do you want… Tanner here?” she asked softly.

“Heck no,” I snapped back.

“He’s called, asking if you were ok since you won’t answer his calls,” she went on.

“Oh,” I replied with no real concern.He’s just doing it to look good to the parents.

“Ky… maybe you two should talk. I know you’re mad at him, but… he does still love you,” she went on.

“I don’t want to talk to him,” Ipouted replied.

She took a deep breath in, obviously frustrated with me. What else is new?

“I can’t make you two get back together. I can’t make you two love each other. But what I can do is tell you what I see. You probably don’t see it, but I see a guy that loves you for who you are. Not for this racer that goes out and wins every weekend, not for some poster girl for her sponsors. He sees you for the beautiful woman that you are. And he loves you, Kylee. He’s hurting just as much as you are right now,” she explained, making me feel like the worst person in the world right now.

I couldn’t find words to express how I was feeling. I was still hurt though. That’s one thing that’s for sure. And I was mad… mad because I let my emotions get to the best of me and snap at him, calling off our own marriage… and relationship. But I still can’t bring myself to see him… or even think about talking to him. I still need time… and to sleep this headache off from spinning so much in that stupid car!