A Utopian Delusion
Safetly can be so hard to find.
"Bliss!" Alec's eyes were wide as he tried to pry my arms that I tightly wound around his body off and get my attention. But I held on for dear life, what I just saw brought fear throughout my whole body. Why was I so afraid, but not just afraid but in pain. My back felt as though it were on fire.
I felt a small sream leave my lips as Alec quickly let go of my arms. He looked like he was trying to use his arms as wings as he held them away from me. But as hard as I tried I couldn't stop crying, my body shook with fear as tears spilled down my cheeks. My eyes closed I saw his face, the face that was now permently embed in my brain. His eyes burned with anger, rage, sadness and vengence. I could see the cold ways of his heart staring at me in the night. What made me more afraid than anything was that he looked like me.
A ding sounded as a girl walked through the doors of the store. I quickly release Alec and ran to the back. Ducking into the bathroom I locked the door and fell to the floor holding my knees. Leaning my head back on the cool tile I closed my eyes and thought of my dream. The beautiful treetops, and the steady beat of my heart. It was insync to the one of the man I was leaning on. His face was still a blurr to me but my body became more calm as I re-invisioned this magical place. I could feel my fear slowly leaving me but not completely just enough to help my stand.
Clumsly I looked into the mirror, seeing myself. My cheeks and eyes were slighly pink against my pale skin. They were puffy to show I'd been crying but what could I do?
Turning on the water, I splashed cool water against my face and grabbed a paper towel to dry my face. Unlocking the door slowly I walked back out to Alec who was checking out the girl who walked in at the register. Her smile vanished as I appeared and Alec gave me a quick look of concern then returned to counting her change.
Once she was gone Alec turned to me and almost yelled,"What the hell was that about?"
I waited for the right words to come to me but I felt speechless under his intense stare. His eyes were hard as they struggled to keep eye contact with mine, his lips in a tight line I bite in my lip trying to think of what to say. "I'm sorry," was all I could say.
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly,"Bliss you were just crying, I don't understand what wrong with you."
"I'm sorry," was all I knew to say. My mark burned slightly against my skin.
"Stop saying that," he said his face returning to frustration,"Tell me what happed to you? Why did you scream?"
"I'm sorr...," I was about to say but stopped myself,"I don't know Alec. I closed my eyes and the next thing I know I'm not here anymore I'm far away.." I try to figure out how to explain myself but everythiny felt so confusing. What had happened to me?
He put his hand through his hair and rubbed his eyes,"Bliss just, I don't know stay in the back for awhile."
"Alec please I don't know why I did that," I pleaded with him,"I'm sorry I just don't know how to explain this."
"Bliss you looked so terrifyed, what could you have seen that freaked you out so much? " he asked looking at me and I felt lost in his eyes. I couldn't read them, did he care about me? Did I scared him or worry him?
"I had this daydream," I start,"I saw this man and he for some reason that I can't explain made me feel like I was in pain. He made me feel so scared that I can't explain why. I just saw something in his heart that I don't know, was so cruel."
Alec looks at me stunned, I don't think he knows how to react but were both saved by the bell as 5 customers glid through the door. He turned walking away from me to help the people as they took a look around the store. For the rest of the day I try to stay out of the way and not to think about the green eyed boys face. I just tried to focus on the music wishing I wasn't here.
It's 7'o'clock when Alec closes up the store and we stand outside the glass doors. The walk is silent and awkward, my mouth opens to speak but I just sigh and follow him. We go a new way, he stops in front of some shops and looks at me.
"I figured you don't have any cloths," he says avoiding my eyes.
"Alec please you've already done enough for me, I've been thinking and I should just leave you alone," I say looking at his face.
"Bliss," he says at last looking in my eyes,"Come on let's find you some cloths."
We walk in and cloths fill the store from wall to wall. My eyes fill with an assortment of colors. I breath deeply not knowing where to begin, but Alec's motions me to follow.
He gets the attention of a lady who works in this store and she smiles at me. She grabs handfulls of cloths that she thinks are my size and takes me to a room to try them on. I place on every peice of clothing just as she instructed me to, and walk out to reveal myself infront of a tall mirror. I smile because I actually look like I fit in and I find some cloths that feel like me.
I finish trying on all the cloths and Missy, who I come to find out is the sales lady's name and I pick which ones looked the best.
Alec's sits waiting for us and looks up at me, a small smile appears on his lips. My cheeks blush a little and I look down remembering the simple blue dress I decided to wear. It has a bow around the waist and flows down just above my knees. Missy pulls me away to the shoes and the trying on begins again. After what feels like too long and too many shoes later we finally decide on two pairs. One of them being a classy white heel and the other are a pair of brown boots.
We return to Alec and again he smiles at me about to speak when I'm dragged off again this time for something Missy says I can't have enough of. I watch Alec's face as Missy at last rings us up. He slides a card and we both grab all my bags and head out the doors waving good bye to Missy. The walk back to his place is quiet except for the noises of my new home. It's strange to think this might be my new home, not that I can remember my old home at all.
We walk straight to his apartment, and I wait for him to unlock the door. It's cool when we enter into the living room. Alec gently set's down my bags and his face changes as he prepares himself for what he is about to say. I stop steping away from him a bit to give him space. Finally he looks up at me and I give him my full attention.
"Alright," Alec says breaking the silence,"Not to sound mean but you owe me bliss."
"I know Alec if there is any way that I can repay you please let me know," I say slowly looking at him.
"Oh don't worry," he laughs,"I already know how you can repay me."
"You do?" I ask finding his eyes.
"Yes," he laughs again,"Your gonna work at the store with me. I'll train you tomorrow but for now I just want to relax."
"Ok I'll let you rest," I smile picking up my bags and walking to his room, shutting the door quietly.
I smile a little and begin taking the cloths out of the bags and putting them ontop of Alec's dresser neatly. Inside my heart feels more at home but my head says I'm still lost.
I felt a small sream leave my lips as Alec quickly let go of my arms. He looked like he was trying to use his arms as wings as he held them away from me. But as hard as I tried I couldn't stop crying, my body shook with fear as tears spilled down my cheeks. My eyes closed I saw his face, the face that was now permently embed in my brain. His eyes burned with anger, rage, sadness and vengence. I could see the cold ways of his heart staring at me in the night. What made me more afraid than anything was that he looked like me.
A ding sounded as a girl walked through the doors of the store. I quickly release Alec and ran to the back. Ducking into the bathroom I locked the door and fell to the floor holding my knees. Leaning my head back on the cool tile I closed my eyes and thought of my dream. The beautiful treetops, and the steady beat of my heart. It was insync to the one of the man I was leaning on. His face was still a blurr to me but my body became more calm as I re-invisioned this magical place. I could feel my fear slowly leaving me but not completely just enough to help my stand.
Clumsly I looked into the mirror, seeing myself. My cheeks and eyes were slighly pink against my pale skin. They were puffy to show I'd been crying but what could I do?
Turning on the water, I splashed cool water against my face and grabbed a paper towel to dry my face. Unlocking the door slowly I walked back out to Alec who was checking out the girl who walked in at the register. Her smile vanished as I appeared and Alec gave me a quick look of concern then returned to counting her change.
Once she was gone Alec turned to me and almost yelled,"What the hell was that about?"
I waited for the right words to come to me but I felt speechless under his intense stare. His eyes were hard as they struggled to keep eye contact with mine, his lips in a tight line I bite in my lip trying to think of what to say. "I'm sorry," was all I could say.
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly,"Bliss you were just crying, I don't understand what wrong with you."
"I'm sorry," was all I knew to say. My mark burned slightly against my skin.
"Stop saying that," he said his face returning to frustration,"Tell me what happed to you? Why did you scream?"
"I'm sorr...," I was about to say but stopped myself,"I don't know Alec. I closed my eyes and the next thing I know I'm not here anymore I'm far away.." I try to figure out how to explain myself but everythiny felt so confusing. What had happened to me?
He put his hand through his hair and rubbed his eyes,"Bliss just, I don't know stay in the back for awhile."
"Alec please I don't know why I did that," I pleaded with him,"I'm sorry I just don't know how to explain this."
"Bliss you looked so terrifyed, what could you have seen that freaked you out so much? " he asked looking at me and I felt lost in his eyes. I couldn't read them, did he care about me? Did I scared him or worry him?
"I had this daydream," I start,"I saw this man and he for some reason that I can't explain made me feel like I was in pain. He made me feel so scared that I can't explain why. I just saw something in his heart that I don't know, was so cruel."
Alec looks at me stunned, I don't think he knows how to react but were both saved by the bell as 5 customers glid through the door. He turned walking away from me to help the people as they took a look around the store. For the rest of the day I try to stay out of the way and not to think about the green eyed boys face. I just tried to focus on the music wishing I wasn't here.
It's 7'o'clock when Alec closes up the store and we stand outside the glass doors. The walk is silent and awkward, my mouth opens to speak but I just sigh and follow him. We go a new way, he stops in front of some shops and looks at me.
"I figured you don't have any cloths," he says avoiding my eyes.
"Alec please you've already done enough for me, I've been thinking and I should just leave you alone," I say looking at his face.
"Bliss," he says at last looking in my eyes,"Come on let's find you some cloths."
We walk in and cloths fill the store from wall to wall. My eyes fill with an assortment of colors. I breath deeply not knowing where to begin, but Alec's motions me to follow.
He gets the attention of a lady who works in this store and she smiles at me. She grabs handfulls of cloths that she thinks are my size and takes me to a room to try them on. I place on every peice of clothing just as she instructed me to, and walk out to reveal myself infront of a tall mirror. I smile because I actually look like I fit in and I find some cloths that feel like me.
I finish trying on all the cloths and Missy, who I come to find out is the sales lady's name and I pick which ones looked the best.
Alec's sits waiting for us and looks up at me, a small smile appears on his lips. My cheeks blush a little and I look down remembering the simple blue dress I decided to wear. It has a bow around the waist and flows down just above my knees. Missy pulls me away to the shoes and the trying on begins again. After what feels like too long and too many shoes later we finally decide on two pairs. One of them being a classy white heel and the other are a pair of brown boots.
We return to Alec and again he smiles at me about to speak when I'm dragged off again this time for something Missy says I can't have enough of. I watch Alec's face as Missy at last rings us up. He slides a card and we both grab all my bags and head out the doors waving good bye to Missy. The walk back to his place is quiet except for the noises of my new home. It's strange to think this might be my new home, not that I can remember my old home at all.
We walk straight to his apartment, and I wait for him to unlock the door. It's cool when we enter into the living room. Alec gently set's down my bags and his face changes as he prepares himself for what he is about to say. I stop steping away from him a bit to give him space. Finally he looks up at me and I give him my full attention.
"Alright," Alec says breaking the silence,"Not to sound mean but you owe me bliss."
"I know Alec if there is any way that I can repay you please let me know," I say slowly looking at him.
"Oh don't worry," he laughs,"I already know how you can repay me."
"You do?" I ask finding his eyes.
"Yes," he laughs again,"Your gonna work at the store with me. I'll train you tomorrow but for now I just want to relax."
"Ok I'll let you rest," I smile picking up my bags and walking to his room, shutting the door quietly.
I smile a little and begin taking the cloths out of the bags and putting them ontop of Alec's dresser neatly. Inside my heart feels more at home but my head says I'm still lost.