A Utopian Delusion

Alec and I are so close. I feel his warm breath on my lips and the urge inside me longs to kiss him. To kiss him and feel safe at last but part of me knows that this isn't just the end. I'm here for a reason but all the reason gets clouded in my mind as this moment draws near. His hand gently rests on my back but he doesn't pull and that makes me so much more weak. I swallow back the thoughts in my head and listen to the beating of my heart. The heart that longs for this kiss above any other kiss it's ever known.
I take one last deep breath and decide to finally let go. Our faces are centimeters apart when the sensation overtakes my body. I know what's moving closer to me and I can feel it in the pit of my stomach with every step he takes. I stay there in fear for as long as my feet will let me and at last I push away from Alec and run.

"Bliss! Bliss wait please," is the last thing I hear as I run as fast as I can through the crowd of people. I can't look back, back at the face that I just hurt and the shadow of my worst nightmares. My feet carry me into the park from where I came.
'Don't stop,' I tell myself silently, 'keep running.'
So I do exactly that. Trees and people blend together and I see glimpses of faces starring at me as I race past them. Finally I hide behind the bushes because I no longer sense his presence. He's gone, but for how long. My breath is heavy as I lay to the cold earth. I close my eyes and dream of rain and the way it sings as it hits the trees. I think of a place I've yet seen but know for sure that I have been. As I walk through the great rooms I finally reach the outside. It's raining and I throw off my shoes and dance twirling under it's wonder. My heart leads me to a great tree and I see a boy hiding under the safety of it's branches. His golden hair reflects back the sun and he waits for me. I long to be bonded to him once again. To sit with him and feel the great love between us that never was.
He calls to me to join him but something holds me back. He motions for me to come forward and yet I still cannot move. My feet are stuck inside the mud and I begin to sink. I scream out for help as the earth sucks me in. His beautiful eyes stare back at mine and I see him fall to the ground. He reaches for my hand but it's too late I'm already gone.

****************************

I awake barely as I feel my body shaking uncontrollably. Strong arms are carrying me and I hear muffled words that I cannot quite make out. I try to focus on my rescuers but they still come out so blurry.
As best I can I muster," help me."
The arms holding me stop and a girl with dark hair touches my face, "We have to hurry" she says or "Do not worry."
"She's getting worse," a different voice said.
"I know," said the dark haired girl, "We need to get her out of this rain and some place warm."
I try to hold myself awake but I can already sense myself falling back asleep and this time there is no dream.
*********************************

I step into my apartment building hoping she's outside the door or managed to be let in. My hope vanishes when I see no Bliss awaiting me as I return. I spent hours looking for her and asking so many people if they had seen her. But just like the way she came she's gone and it's a mystery to where she could be. My apartment seems emptier without her and I fight the urge to go out and look for her the whole night.
'This is all my fault,' I say to myself,' if I hadn't tried to kiss her maybe she'd still be here.'
I just can't believe she just ran away the way she did. I'm about to go out again and try to find her when my phone rings. It's Annabel and as much as I want to put her on hold I answer.

"Hello," I say.
"Alec," she says sounding relieved, "I just wanted to call you back and see if you were okay. It's just you sounded so weird before you ended our call. I guess I just worry about you."
"I'm fine," I lie," I was just in a hurry to get back to the store."
"Oh well I'm glad you okay," she says," I just worry about you. Alec you've been my good friend for a long time. I just miss you so much and I want you to know that.."
"Annabel," I say cutting her off,"please don't finish that sentence. I want to talk to you...about all of this but not now. I just can't...please understand that I miss you too. I'm here and you're there and.."
I don't finish not even close because she says it," Alec I love you."

***************************************

It's late in the evening when I truly wake up. My body is sore and I feel cold. So cold and as I try to bundle up closer the dark haired girl enters the room with a white blanket in her arms. She smiles and places it near my arms. I grab it and wrap myself inside it's warmth.

"You were shaking pretty bad," she says, "My mom used to do this for me. She'd take a blanket and place it close to the fire to help it get warm."
I smile as my voice cracks, "Thank you."
"Here let me get you some water," before I can protest she up at my bedside table pouring me a glass of water. I take it and gulp it down immediately.
"Your probably wondering who I am," she says as she sits back into her seat.
I nod as I finish my water and set it down. I re-adjust sitting up to see her better. As I sit up I see it. Her mark on her wrist. It's the shape of flower, a lily to be exact and it looks identical to mine except it's black.
"My name is Sonel," she said," And just like you I was not born here."