This Turbulence is Beautiful.

Waking up at Josh's flat with a thin sheet draped across me and one of his hoodies wrapped around my body tightly was certainly different. His living room area was warm- a nice change from the room I was residing in at Matt’s- and smelt of a mixture of tea and toast. He wandered into the room in a pair of cut off jeans and nothing else, with wet hair dripping down his neck, smiling at me and rubbing a towel over the top of his head roughly in an attempt to get his hair to dry a little faster, "Want a cup of tea, sweetheart?"

I laughed, pulling the sheet tighter around me, nodding. I closed my eyes again- keeping them open seemed to make them feel more sore than usual. I brought my hand up to my head and pushed my fringe back rubbing my eyes slightly to make myself feel a little more awake than I did now.

Josh came back to the sofa a few minutes later, two mugs in his hand, and I pulled my feet up so he could sit next to me, as he handed me the cup, “I phoned John for you today, to say you weren’t going in to work,” He smiled softly at me, “You feeling okay?”

“You didn’t have to do that- I can still go to work. I’m fine, honestly.”

“Well, you’re a bit late now. It’s quarter past two, your shift started at eleven.”

I guess I was feeling much worse than I thought I did then. I’d slept for about thirteen hours, which was so out of character for me it was unreal. But I did feel better for it- or at least, less exhausted.

“Oh, Matt phoned for you. He reckons that boyfriend of yours has called about three times now, and your mobile has been ringing since about nine-thirty. You were just that out of it,” He nudged me in the ribs gently, careful not to spill my tea over his surprisingly clean sofa.

“Oh…” I trailed off. I was supposed to be meeting Hayden for lunch, but I didn’t know whether I was up to it. I checked my phone, and sure enough it was laden with missed calls and voicemails, along with one text that simply said, “Rosie, where are you?” No kisses- he was definitely pissed off. I text him back asking when his next break was and he rang back straight away at an almost alarming rate.

“Hello?”

“Where are you? I’ve been trying to get hold of you all morning,” He muttered, sounding slightly out of breath from the speed he was talking at, “Matt says you weren’t at home last night. Where did you stay to?”

I kept my answers short because I wasn’t in the mood for all of his questions. My head hurt and my eyes felt bleary. I put my head on Josh’s shoulder and he laughed slightly, as I kept my eyes closed, “Josh’s.”

He sighed a very deep sigh, his breath regaining it’s normal speed, “Why?”

I tried to bite my tongue but it really didn’t work, “Because he was free to talk,” I mumbled. As soon as I’d said it, I bit the inside of my cheek, hoping he didn’t hear it.

“Okay,” he took another breath, not even holding back on how annoyed he sounded, “I can take my lunch break now,” he mumbled instructions of where to meet; some place that was close to his office and often busy at lunch times. I doubted we would even get in.

Hanging up the phone after a rushed goodbye, I dragged myself up off of Josh’s couch, looking down at my clothed body. To wear yesterday’s clothes was one thing- but yesterday’s underwear was a different ball game entirely. I wondered if I had time to get home and then walk back to town to meet Hayden.

“Oh! I forgot to say,” Josh stood up quickly, “Matt brought you round a bag of stuff- “girlie stuff,” he called it, although I don’t really know what that involves. He forgot a shirt so I picked one out for you a put it in the bathroom. It might be a bit big but it’s the best I could find,” Josh smiled, taking my mug from me and walking around the breakfast bar to place it on the draining board next to the sink, “I’m sorry if I got you in trouble,” he rubbed the back of his neck, looking down at his feet, swivelling to wash up the mugs.

I wrapped my arms around his waist, making him jump. We both laughed, as I murmured “Not your fault,” into his shoulder, which I had to stand on tip-toes to reach.

He pulled away and turned to face me, “I hope you feel better now, Rosie.” I nodded and gave his hand a small squeeze. He grinned at me, showing me where my stuff was and pointing me in the direction of the bathroom so I could get changed.

Once I had freshened up and got dressed, I walked out of the bathroom to see Josh sitting on the breakfast , tugging at the t-shirt slightly to try and read what it said, “You- me,” I frowned, “Who are You Me At Six?”

“Only the greatest band you’ll ever hear,” He chuckled slightly, before pushing one of his hoodies into my arms and pushing me out of the door, “Now go, before I get a threatening phone call from your boyfriend asking what’s taking so long.”



Hayden was already sat at a table waiting for me when I got to the restaurant. I felt more than out of place in a slightly faded band shirt and skinny jeans, Josh’s baggy jumper practically swamping me. Hayden was sat in his work suit, which probably cost in excess of a hundred and fifty pounds from Marks and Spencer, and the people around me were at least dressed in clothing a little more suitable than mine. Regardless of how I looked, however, he stood up and hugged me tightly to greet me, a small kiss on the cheek. Maybe things hadn’t changed so much with yesterday’s actions.

We sat down at the table, and he offered me a glass of wine, which I politely refused. I tried not to drink as much in the day time due to the excessive amounts of alcohol I seemed to consume at the weekends with the boys. I couldn’t say it was against my will, but my liver certainly had taken a kicking from my new Weybridge lifestyle.

Hayden took in my attire and laughed, “You look a bit swamped in those clothes,” he paused, “They Josh’s?”

I smiled, nodding.

His smile faded almost instantly, “I’m sorry I didn’t answer the phone last night, Rosie. I just- I have something really important to tell you. I don’t want it to change things between us, and I’m sure it won’t, but I need to let you know.”

I stopped drinking the water from my glass. He was really pushing this conversation straight away, not even bothering for small talk. It kind of bothered me that he didn’t even ask how I was seeing as I had phoned him last night and then stayed at Josh’s. In fact, the fact that he didn’t even seem to worry about me staying at Josh’s frustrated me. If he was staying at a good looking girl’s house over night, I would be bothered. Was it just that I was getting into this a little too early?

I looked at him, silently willing him to go on.

“The thing is, Rosie, you can’t call me when I’m at home. I, um…” he stopped, tugging at the collar of his shirt to loosen it slightly, “I’m married.”

I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. The glass I was holding slipped from my hands, spilling water across the table, making a loud noise as it shattered. A waiter rushed over with a cloth to clear it up, sweeping the glass from the table and the floor with a dustpan and brush, offering me a dry cloth to dab at my lap and try and dry it off, but I just stared at Hayden.

I did the only thing I could think to do in this situation. I laughed. I fucking laughed.

“You are fucking kidding me.” Tears sprung to my eyes almost instantly, and the waiter moved away slowly when he heard my language, leaving the cloth behind in case I needed it.

Hayden looked around, looking at me pleadingly to keep it down. I complied, but simply repeated my last statement, adding, “Tell me that you’re kidding me.”

He looked at me, his eyebrows displaying confusion, his eyes drifting between his hands and my eyes, “I can’t tell you that, Rosie.”

“Well, what can you tell me?”

He shook his head, “I don’t know. I just- I wish I’d met you before I’d married her.”

I felt my blood run hot in my veins, rushing up to my cheeks. I felt too hot, tugging Josh’s jumper from my arms as quickly as I could manage, draining the wine that Hayden had placed in front of me from before, but it wasn’t enough. I waved the waiter over, “Sorry, could I have some more water?”

He smiled, “As long as you hold on to the glass this time,” and he walked to the bar to get me my drink. I didn’t look at Hayden. I tapped my fingers on the table in a drum roll fashion, and as soon as the waiter brought my drink over, I drained the glass quickly.

Hayden coughed, causing my attention to move to him, but when I looked at him, it only made me feel sick. I wish I’d met you before I’d married her.

I could just hear Taylor saying that to his girl on the side. I hated her with every inch of my being, and now I was that girl. The girl his wife didn’t know about. The girl he hid his relationship too, pushing his wedding ring into his pocket when he met up with. The girl he refused to take phone calls from when he was at home.

The girl he had connected with on a purely attraction-based interest; the girl he thought wouldn’t mind that he was married because he didn’t want it to change a thing.

“Fuck you,” I mumbled. He looked completely shell-shocked by my statement.

“Rosie, what are you saying? This doesn’t have to change anything. I’m just telling you why I had to be careful last night.”

I thought back to last nights phone call, the way he’d so casually said “Hello, love,” to me, like I was one of his colleagues. But I wasn’t a colleague- I was his mistress. The word felt dirty in my mind, and heavy in my heart. I felt like I was literally about to be sick. Taylor had caused me so much hurt, and now Hayden was doing the same to his wife, all because of me.

“What’s her name?”

He looked at me, his eyebrows raised, “Who?”

I stayed perfectly calm, just like I had months ago when I’d found Taylor in my bed with that girl, “Your wife- What’s her name?”

“I don’t see why that matters-“

“Just tell me her fucking name, Hayden!” my voice raised and he put his hands up to hush me without saying anything. People stared at me- one lady next to me carried on staring with sympathy in her eyes. It looked like I was the one being cheated on, but I wasn’t. I was the dirty whore in this game.

“Regan- her name is Regan,” he stumbled over his words, his face flushing as he tried not to make eye contact with anyone around us. I realised that the only reason he’d brought me to this restaurant was so I couldn’t make a scene, but I didn’t care. It wasn’t my problem; it was his. I wasn’t going to act like I was the only important one here- I didn’t even really care about my feelings being hurt at all. All I cared about was the fact that, at home right now, he would have some beautiful girl waiting for him to get home whilst he was out with me.

“Regan- that’s a pretty name,” I smiled, running my finger around the top of my now empty wine glass, “Is she pretty?”

Hayden looked at me, his eyes open wide, “Um… I guess so?”

“You guess so?” I stood up, grabbing my jumper from the seat next to me as I did so, “You fucking guess so? Show her some bloody appreciation. She could be the best thing that ever happened to you!” I tried to keep my voice to a minimum, but my string of words came out in such a rush that I couldn’t stop it from cracking in places, and every time it did the volume of my voice rose slightly higher. Hayden was practically flinching at every word, his lip between his teeth, being pulled slightly.

“I don’t want it to be like this, Rosie,” He mumbled, after a deep sigh. He ran his hands through his hair. I pulled Josh’s jumper around me, zipping it up despite the fact that I was far from cold. I grabbed the bottle of wine from the table, putting my thumb into the top to stop it from spilling in my haste.

“Well, that’s just too fucking bad. I’m not going to be the bad one in all of this- you are. You dirty fucking little liar- you don’t deserve me, and you certainly don’t deserve her; but god you had better make her happy. I bet she does everything for you- your ironing, the cleaning- stuff you don’t even think about. And how do you repay her?” I pulled my thumb from the bottle, taking a very uncouth swig from it, “You find someone else. Well, I refuse to be that someone else, because it hurts. It fucking hurts when your fiancé cheats on you, I can promise you that much. It hurts when you find out that the one person you’d dreamed of being with is dreaming of being with someone else when he’s cuddled up next to you,” Tears that I had been fighting back started to roll down my cheeks, “And to think, I nearly lost one of my best friends because of you-“

“Oh yes, the ever wonderful Josh fucking Franceschi?” He stood up to face me, the colour from his face that had been previously drained rising back to his cheeks, “Because he’s all that. You only want him as your friend because you’re flattered.”

“Flattered about what, Hayden? There’s nothing to be flattered about! There’s always got to be some hidden meaning with you, hasn’t there.”

He laughed an almost cruel sounding laugh in the circumstances. People around us had hushed, and waiters were on the verge of coming over and kicking us out before he had stood up as well. Everyone had lulled into submission, all keen to hear what we were going to say next.

“Oh, you are that bloody stupid. You can’t see it, and he can’t keep you around for long enough to make you see it- maybe you two are well suited to each other, then. He’s just as pathetic and thick as you are.”

I couldn’t stop myself. I slammed the wine bottle onto the table, and with every ounce of strength I had left in me- the strength that had been built up, only to be crushed again- I slapped him. He stumbled, having to stable himself by putting his hand onto another couples table. I grabbed the wine bottle and poured the remaining contents over his head, making sure to cover his clean white shirt, “Don’t you ever insult Josh again, you hear me? My friends have done more for me than you ever could.” I put the wine bottle down onto the table again, and tugged on the bottom of my hoodie, wiping the wine from my fingers onto my jeans.

A scared looking waiter came over to us, but before he could say anything, I turned to him. I lowered my tone slightly, not wanting to shout at an innocent bystander, “Don’t worry, I’m leaving.” I walked out of the restaurant, people moving out of the way for me to leave. I got to the top of the stairs to exit the eatery and looked back across the room, Hayden stood looking at me, his mouth open and his hands outstretched in shock and outrage as wine dripped from his sopping hair.

I bit my lip and smirked, “By the way, mate-“ I called, making people snap their heads towards me once more, “You were shit in bed.”

And with that, I left the restaurant, sounds of stifled laughter making their way across the room.