This Turbulence is Beautiful.

Three nights of heavy drinking and partying with the boys later, and I was exhausted. They were going out again tonight. I was supposed to be going too, but I woke up at 9 o’clock in the evening on Max’s sofa with a blanket chucked over me and a note on the table:

_________Rosie
We’ve gone to the carnival fair tonight. Don’t laugh at us. You were supposed to be coming too but you seem to have passed out and not even Max’s fat ass could wake you, so we figured you should take a night out. Don’t worry though; the fair is in town for another week or something. You won’t miss much, maybe just Chris throwing up a couple of times. He’s weak as shit.

________________Love, Matt xxx

There were two post-scripts underneath, both in different handwriting to Matt’s simple block letters, and I could barely make them out. One said something about Chris, and one said something about Josh, that much I could tell… but I shrugged it off and figured they could tell me when I got back.

I clambered upstairs to where my stuff was being kept. The guys had offered me a room in their rented and shared place, and although Chris and Josh both had separate apartments, they apparently spent a lot of time here, so it was never lonely or boring. Even now that it was empty, it still wasn’t lonely; there were pictures dotted around the place, tacked up with blue-tack and white-tack and probably chewing gum somewhere along the line.

That is such a horrible thought.

As I was running my fingers along the countless photos tacked up without really looking, my index finger found a small photo frame nestled within the photos, behind one of Matt and Josh smiling together in a very, um, special way. I smiled as I recognised the photo. There had been a similar one nestled in my house, probably hidden behind other photos much like Matt’s had been. It was a small photo of Matt and I, from when we were probably about 7 years old. He was holding my hand and I was resting my head on his shoulder. His mum was smiling on from the side, her hands clasped to her heart in a “aren’t they adorable?” kind of way. We did look adorable, shame I had changed so much since I was 7. I smiled, sliding the photo of Matt and Josh back across the framed photo, not wanting to look like I had been nosing through. It was nice enough that Matt had kept it up all this time, despite the fact that we hadn’t even talked in a good 4 years now.

As this thought ran through my head, I felt a pang of remorse once more. It wasn’t like I didn’t think about phoning up Matt- it was just that I never felt I really had any news to share that could explain why I hadn’t called him. And 2 months grew to 6 months, 6 months grew to a year, and soon enough I figured he wouldn’t even want to know about my life. Nothing had changed anyway. I had started dating Taylor before I moved away from Surrey- he was the reason I left anyway- and Matt knew a fair bit about him. He proposed, and I had phoned Matt to tell him; he’d been so excited, even though he didn’t really like Taylor that much. He asked if he could bring his friends to the wedding- assuming now that he meant the boys- and he asked if he should start looking for a suit. I had told him to wait until we had a date, which clearly was a good job: tuxedos were expensive and it would have been a blatant waste of money anyway now Taylor was shacking up with some other bird.

Good lord, when had my vocabulary become so common? I blame moving to London.

I decided now, when all the boys were out of the house, would be a good time to have a bloody long bath. God knows I needed it; at home I used to have baths on a regular basis, just because they felt amazing. It was like cleansing everything, completely relaxing. The more I thought about it, the more I craved one. I started running the bath, and shoved my long hair into a bun, so it didn’t get wet. I tried to find some bubble bath, but fat chance of that. Resorting to the Lynx shower-gel I had been using for the past 4 days already, and making a mental note to buy some more, girly stuff, because right now I probably smelt like a bloke for 90% of my time, I tried to use as little as possible so I wouldn’t get shouted at by whoever the bottle belonged to.

I stripped off my clothes, and sat on the side of the bath, swinging my legs around and pushing my feet into the water. Well shit, that was hot. I pulled my legs up again, and started running the cold tap, forcing myself to sit down in the water. My legs went instantly pink from the heat of the bath, but I could already feel myself relaxing. Expertly turning the tap off with my foot, I sank into the bath, completely forgetting my idea of not getting my hair wet. I closed my eyes, holding myself from going under the water by placing my feet at the end of the tub, and felt myself slowly fall half-asleep. Damn, did boys always get to smell this good?

Being in my half asleep state, I didn’t really notice the fact that the door handle was turning on the bathroom door until too late. I quickly sat up as Josh pushed open the door, humming a little. As soon as he saw me, he went bright red, squeezed his eyes shut and starting shouting “shit, shit, shit, sorry, I didn’t know you were home!” I pulled the shower curtain across the side of the bath to give myself some modesty as he backed out of the room, mentioning again and again how sorry he truly was. Deciding it was probably a good idea to get out of the bath and put some clothes on right about now, I leapt out of the bath and pulled back on my clothes from before, pulled out the plug from the bath and starting rubbing my hair dry with a towel, opening the door.

“Errrm, Josh? The bathroom is free now…” I called, pushing open the door to the spare room I was staying to cautiously. Josh was sitting on the side of my bed, his hands in his hair, red as a beetroot.

“Seriously, Rosie, I am so sorry,” he said, looking up but avoiding eye contact with me.

“Hey, it’s fine. You didn’t know I was home; I should have locked the door really… I just thought you guys had gone to the fair or something,” I smiled at him, even though his eyes were directed out of the window, “Why aren’t you at the fair?”

“I thought you had gone to the fair. I fell asleep up here, but I don’t really know how. Just, this bed is really comfy,” Josh smiled, still looking out of the window. I guess it would be kind of awkward to look at someone who you had just seen pretty much naked; but really, he could see shit all out of the window. It was about 11 o’clock and it was pitch black outside. He could have at least found something a little more interesting to look at.

“Anyway, I need to pee,” Josh said, pushing himself off of the bed, “Bugger, sorry, I didn’t mean to say that out loud,” he ran his hands through his hair, ruffling it up slightly, finally making eye contact with me.

Well, I say with me. He smiled at me, and then accidentally let his eyes drop right to my boobs, where upon he realised what he was doing, realised what he had just seen, quickly readjusted his gaze, and went a darker shade of bright red.

“Oh god, I am so sorry! I didn’t mean to do that… man, I’m a twat,” he edged past me, smiling slightly to try and ease the tension he clearly felt, while I let out a small laugh, smirking slightly. He was blushing so much he could have lit up the whole of Amsterdam with those cheeks.

I wandered downstairs, glancing at the note on the table again. I guess the bit about Josh said that he was home. Bless him, falling asleep as well. It was nice to know that I wasn’t the only lightweight.

As I snuggled up onto the sofa with my tub of Ben and Jerry’s I had bought in a drunken stoop of excitement the night before- despite the fact that for £4, I can never really eat more than half a tub- Josh came downstairs, still slightly red from before. He saw that I was eating, and grabbed a spoon from the kitchen, leaning over the back of the sofa to dig in without even asking. Jumping over the back of the sofa swiftly, and pretty smoothly I might add, he sat next to me, helping himself to my ice cream every so often. We didn’t say a word, just silently watched whatever was on telly at the time.

Josh picked up the remote, flicking through the movies and settling on Reservoir Dogs, smiling at me happily, obviously trying really hard to keep eye contact. I smirked back at him, laughing slightly, and we carried on watching the movie before the boys burst through the door, drunk with a mix of booze and adrenaline. Max practically squealed when he saw the tub of ice cream sitting in between mine and Josh’s legs, and they all pretty much hushed up straight away when they saw the film that was on. Chris casually told me that he’d managed to not throw up all evening, smiling proudly to himself.

“Ah yeah, what did that note say anyway? I couldn’t read the writing underneath Matt’s?” I picked up the note and handed it to Chris.

“Oh, that was my writing, sorry dude. Just says that I’m not a lightweight… but I wrote it in third person for added effect. And that Josh was staying home, but I guess you found that out anyway?”

Please don’t go red, Rosie, please.

“Mate, Josh, you’ve gone proper red,” Dan interjected from the end of the other sofa, looking away from the movie quickly, leaving everyone else to judge Josh’s embarrassment. I tried not to look, focusing on the movie instead.

“Oh shit man, this is disgusting!” I said, not even thinking about being in company. I was used to watching telly on my own at home, and I guess I would be lying if I said I didn’t talk to myself sometimes when doing so, “He’s just bleeding everywhere. That car is wrecked.”

Josh looked at me with a dead serious expression across his face, “Please tell me you’re joking?”

“Joking about what? It is disgusting… is that just normal to you guys or something?”

Josh rolled his eyes, smiling slightly. He would have looked all cocky and arrogant if his cheeks weren’t still plagued with the pink from before. “Please tell me you already knew this movie was disgusting… as in, this is not the first time you’ve watched Reservoir Dogs?”

Oh god, they were starting on my movie taste. I never even watched that many movies at home, Taylor and I had been on one date to the cinema and he’d decided to watch one of the Predator vs. Alien movies, which was quite frankly, awful. I wonder if Taylor’s secretary watched shitty action horror movies…

Oh bum, don’t cry Rosie. Do. Not. Cry.

Sniffing to clear my nose and swallowing the clear the lump in my throat, I smiled shyly, “I’m not good with movies…” I trailed off; hoping my pathetic attempt at an explanation would stop them questioning me.

“That’s it. If you haven’t seen Reservoir Dogs, then I doubt you’ve seen Pulp Fiction?” Josh shifted in his seat, pointing his chocolaty spoon at me every so often. I shook my head, smiling to cover my embarrassment.

“Good fucking Lord, Rosie,” Matt chirped in, still keeping his eyes on the movie in front of him, “What has that boyfriend of yours been doing for 5 fucking years?”

I bit my lip; I couldn’t resist it: “His secretary, apparently,” I mumbled, a bitter smile forming at the corner of my lips. I was almost snarling right now- a really unattractive look, I’m sure.

Silence fell across the room, Matt looking up suddenly from the television- all of the boys did. I smiled wryly, trying not to let tears form in my eyes. I swallowed deeply, avoiding eye contact with the group by looking firmly at my hands, twisting my thumbs around and linking my fingers together, picking at last weeks nail varnish. Josh coughed uncomfortably, causing me to look up at him. Soft wrinkles were fixed around his eyes, showing that he was trying not to smile. As I looked at him, he bit his inner lip. I frowned at him, a small and confused smile forming on my lips.

“Sorry, Rosie, it’s just…” Josh paused, smiling slightly, “the way you phrased it was so perfect.”

Matt laughed awkwardly, “Well it was certainly unexpected…” he trailed off, unsure as to what to say, but decided to add, “and I guess it’s a good thing if it means I got to see you!” He smiled excitedly, trying to ease the tension.

“Plus,” Max added quietly, “it happens to the best of us.” My eyes drifted up from my lap, and I looked at Max, smiling slightly, still unsure of what to really make of the atmosphere. I shook my head, my fringe falling around my eyes, and ran my fingers over it, shaking it out softly. Chris came back in from the kitchen, handing me a beer fresh from the fridge.

“I know what we can do,” Josh said as cheerfully as he could manage, smiling brightly, “We’ll whack out Reservoir Dogs on DVD and watch it from the start. You cannot go another day without seeing the greatest Tarantino movie of all time-“

“In your opinion, Josh,” Chris cut in, smirking. Josh pushed himself off of the sofa and bent over to pull the DVD off of the bottom shelf.

Oh shit, I did not just look at his ass. For what was probably the fifth time that evening, I told myself to hold back my blushes, and bit my lip slightly to stop myself from smiling, my eyes flickering back down to their place on my lap. I pulled my legs up onto the sofa, avoiding all eye contact with everyone in case they had just noticed what I had done.

As Josh set up the movie, and then settled into the sofa next to me again, I started watching one of the greatest films ever, apparently. Before I could even begin to get accustomed to the ridiculous amounts of violence from the very start, I felt my eyelids growing heavy, as I rested my head against the back of the sofa. Before I knew it, I felt an arm weaving around my shoulder, and pulling me towards them. I was out like a light in seconds.



I awoke to the background music of the movie playing, from the start up screen. Although it was annoying me already, I really couldn’t be bothered to move. I was incredibly comfy where I was.

Finally opening my eyes, I found that I was lying on my side. It was starting to get light outside, indicating that it must be nearing the early hours of the morning by now. The boys were sprawled across the living room- Max and Dan on the adjacent sofa and Matt and Chris on the floor, Matt leaning against the seat I was laying on with his head against my shins and Chris leaning back on the other couch. It was when I shifted slightly to look for Josh that I realised I had my head on his lap, my hand carelessly flung over his left leg. I blushed and whipped my hand away as quick as possible, hoping no-one had noticed.

A small chuckle shook me awake, and I felt Josh stir slightly, shifting his weight, “It’s okay, they were all asleep by the time you flung yourself over me,” Josh mumbled sleepily. I could hear the smile playing on his lips, even though I couldn’t see it, “but I figured, I couldn’t stop you really. And it could have been worse; you could have decided to turn around. Then you would have awoken to a nice view of my crotch, and would have your hand on my upper thigh.” He let out another throaty laugh, his voice still on edge from the night’s sleep.

“True, that would have been slightly more awkward,” I laughed, “And it could have been worse; I could have walked in on you in the shower or something…” I sat up, looking at him and smirked.

His cheeks flushed and his eyes sparkled, widening slightly, before a grin played on his lips, “Oh darlin’, you are more than welcome to do so at any time.”