Driven

It was dark and Fera had walked out. By the looks of it, Peridot would follow and the very idea made my insides twist in protest- it was obvious they had a past, and a romantic one to be sure. I tried to let it go, let him go, but I couldn’t and so I grabbed his arm just as he was going to follow her. He looked back at me and staring into his eyes, I immediately regretted the action. He was dumbfounded and I would have to give him a reason and I had none, except for jealousy.

Kovin dashed after Fera, and Peridot looked back; he looked annoyed by the human, most fairies don’t get along with the lesser race, but his reaction seemed to be caused by who the human was following. Deimiera appreciated Peridot’s distraction and darted to the door. When Peridot looked back at me, Dei was gone. We were alone, except for the shifter banging on the door, and the thought made me blush with embarrassment.

“What?” he asked. All I could do was lower my head; I couldn’t and wouldn’t meet his gaze. I’m sure, at that point, I was as red as a chili pepper and the feeling was just as uncomfortable as the burn you feel when you eat one.

I didn’t want to tell him the truth but, evidently, it was the only choice I had, “I’ve never done this before.” I said barely audible.

“Done what, Princess?” he replied.

You shouldn’t say it. Stop now, stop now! Pretend it’s a joke, say something completely irrelevant.

“Like someone.” I blurted it out, before I could change my mind.

“Oh,” surprise was in his voice and then arrogance crept its way in, “and who do you like?” I wanted to punch him. I was struggling with the words that I was saying, the confession I was making and here he was being arrogant and cocky.

I looked at him in disbelief, could he really be that much of a dick. Then I thought, Well, you like him anyways. I looked down again before stepping closer to him and saying, “You, you ass.”

He smirked and wrapped his arms around me. Then he said, “Me?” As he edged me closer, I put my hands up as a barrier; they were on his chest, the only thing separating our bodies.

His lips found my forehead and said, “Princess, there’s something wrong with you if you like me.”

“Then I won’t deny something being wrong with me.” I was happy, more so than any other time in my life. I’m sure he noticed because he edges his lips to my ear. His lips were so close to mine, and although only a day had passed, it seemed like an eternity since I wanted to kiss them. I took charge of the opportunity and closed the distance.

I kissed him softly, timidly and he didn’t add force to it, rather mimicked my motions. His lips tasted like mint and cinnamon; the taste lingered on my tongue. He edged away and said, “Impatient aren’t we?”

But I had tasted perfection, and I would not let it slip away before burning its taste on my skin. I grinned and pushed my lips to his, with more force and ferocity than before. Peridot did not falter and rather than stop he stuck his tongue in my mouth. I had kissed before, by no means was this the first. But I had never felt as I did now. As he ran his fingers through my hair, caressed my face and touched my arms warmth was spread all though me. But the feeling was not as many describe, like a fire that consumes you. This was different, it’s like the warmth you feel when the sun hits you on a cold day; protects you, makes you feel safe and comfortable with your surroundings, with your situation.

Kissing Peridot, it was wild at this point, but it made me feel free, happy. I hadn’t felt like this in so long, like I could do without the pain, without the agony; like I could move on and be joyful.

He held me by the small of my back and pushed me closer, locking me into his body. Our lips moved in complete harmony, fit perfectly. He smelled like pine trees and burnt wood and his unshaved face scratched my cheeks. Wherever he touched me, trails of heat remained. I would be forever marked by this moment. Could someone love another so quickly? Was I simply looking for someone to fill the gap that my family had left vacant? No, this wasn’t just desperation; it was for more than that.

I… what did I feel? I wanted more, to give in to the passion that was developing. Peridot would not be the first to stop, I knew as much from the way he was touching me, kissing my lips.

But then, I remembered. The man and my ultimatum. The decision I had to make, but wasn’t prepared to do. Could I give up my family? Could I give up Peridot? The guilt consumed me, and I stopped moving; stiffened. Peridot noticed immediately, let go a bit to look at me and said, “What’s wrong? Nali, what did I do?”

I hadn’t noticed but I had begun to cry. How embarrassing.

He was gasping for air; we hadn’t stopped for it since we stopped talking. I was trying to ease my breathing too. In between breaths I said, “No, it wasn’t you. I’m- I’m sorry.”

He looked at me sternly, trying to decipher what had gone wrong. His eyes, so beautiful. He was a jerk, I’ll admit, but his eyes… the lines by his eyes, crow’s feet, they proved that he smiles a lot. The gleam they sparkle with, show of kindness.

He’s a good person I know it. I have to tell him.

But just as I was going to utter the word, someone barged through the door; Fera. Peridot still held me in his arms, closer than what was ‘appropriate’. As soon as he saw Fera’s face drop, he let go and edged away.

How could he do that? Was he ashamed of me? Embarrassed by what he’d done?

“Fera, it’s not what you think. It’s just- shut up!” He said.

“No, Peridot. I’m sorry I ever did this.” I didn’t even look back to him as I walked out the door and into the darkness.