Someday

I sat on my bed and looked out my window, still debating, Aaron’s words from early this morning still ringing in my head.
Yeah. It was right and it did make me happy. I ran the words through my head a couple more times before grabbing a notebook and a pencil.
Simple statement, hard to say. I like you. Do you feel the same? Check yes or no. I wrote, adding a line for yes and a line for no before ripping it out and folding it into a square. I wrote Aaron’s name across the top of the note and taped it to the mini bag of Skittle I had saved for him. One of the many bags of Skittles I had gotten to give to all my friends for Valentine’s Day presents. I reached under my pillow and grabbed my phone. I flipped it open to look at the time. I had ten minutes until my parent forced hour and a half Sunday night study time.
Meet me at the library steps please. I have something to give you.I sent the text to Aaron and watched as his light went off. I walked down the stairs and called out to my mom that I’d be back in a couple minutes, and headed out the door. I walked down the street to the steps of the library, Aaron standing there already.
“Hey.” I said. “This is for you.” I handed him the note and candy. “Answer the note.” I held my hand out to stop him from reading it in front of me. “Just make sure you answer with your first thought. I gotta get going. I have to go to study time. I’ll meet you back here at 9:40.” I gave him a hug, not wanting to let go of him, knowing the electricity between us couldn’t be ignored. I hurried home, walking in the door before my mom could say I was late. I walked upstairs and climbed into bed, determined to not think about Aaron for the next hour and a half. Ignoring him was impressively was easier than I had thought it could be, at least, it was with the help of Trig and Stats homework.
I let myself become immersed in my homework, hoping that logarithms and correlations could get my mind off the one thing that was always on my mind. Very rarely did Aaron wander from my mind. It had been this way since just before Christmas break, and had continuously gotten worse. I had fallen so hard for him so fast, only to get hurt. But that had changed last night when the shy, quiet boy who had always been there suddenly changed his stance and actually danced with a girl. I was just lucky enough it was me.
I was loud and obnoxious, always in your face, always stating my opinion. On the outside to my friends at least. To my classmates I was quiet and shy and a daydreamer. To my parents I was a slightly rebellious teenage girl who hasn’t really figured herself out yet, but was still trustworthy. On the inside I was all of those, plus a hopeless romantic and a realist at the same time. I knew it was just barely three months until Aaron graduated and it probably wouldn’t last, but he had already proved me wrong once in saying yes to go to the dance, and again by dancing with me. The hopeless romantic in me took those things and blew them up, telling me he’d mark yes on the note, and that it would last well past his graduation.
Aaron was quiet. To everyone. He had another side, I could feel it. He had always been quiet and secluded, a result of his growing up in a different country. He was alone a lot of the time, with only a couple friends, and sometimes I thought that they were there because they were gamers. I never knew how much they actually liked each other outside of the world of video games. He wasn’t touchy feely. He rarely even hugged his mom and other family members. I had gotten two hugs from him in less than twenty four hours. I knew there was a side of him no one knew, and no one had really tried to break into before. There was always something about him that made me curious, but this year was the first year I really started to care what it was. There was just something about him. I’d known him for the three years since I moved in across the street, but my freshman and sophomore years I knew him as nothing more than a member of the Handbell choir. Sophomore year he was Annie’s older brother, so I saw him around a little more often, Annabeth convinced that she now needed to help him break out of his silent bubble. Then Junior year he became more to me. Part way through the school year I started thinking about who he could be, about what we could be. There was nothing in particular that pointed him out to me in the beginning. He had been there for the last two years but something changed. Something changed and I was more than willing to admit it was me.
“Mar, time’s up. You done yet?” My mom came in and asked, seeing my high level math books spread across the end of my bed, my pencil in my hand finishing a problem.
“Yep. Just finished.” I set my pencil down, cleared my calculator, closed my books and notebooks, and piled them all into my arms. I set them on my desk and grabbed my big black hoodie from its hook by my door.
“Where you going?” My mom asked as I slid my potato shoes onto my feet and stuck my phone in my pocket.
“I need to go talk to Annie really quick. Ask her about bells.” I said, my mom following me down the stairs. I knew I was lying, and pretty much to her face, but my parents trust me. And if she knew I was going to talk to Aaron she’d freak out and start asking questions I probably wouldn’t want to answer. I walked down to the library and looked at my phone. It was only 9:35, so I figured Aaron wouldn’t be here yet. I watched as the door to Aaron’s house opened and he walked out, seeing me sitting on the steps.
“Hey.” He whispered.
“Hey.” I whispered back. He handed me the note and turned to walk home. I got the impression he didn’t want me to read it with him standing there. I unfolded the note, just two folds, so all I could see was a couple words and a small ‘x’ on the line by the word yes. I smiled and bounded home, figuring we’d talk about it more tomorrow. “At least he’s my Valentine.” I whispered as I walked up the short sidewalk to my front door. I waved to my mom and went to climb in bed. I opened the top drawer of my desk and placed the folded note in it, somewhere I knew I wouldn’t lose it. My friends didn’t know about the note, no one did. Only Aaron and I knew about it.
Two weeks from the Friday before the dance, and Aaron and I still hadn’t talked about what had happened. Nothing had been said. I was getting sick of waiting again. So I wrote him a letter. I had spent all week writing it and it was a decent length letter, simply telling him the thoughts I had on the things I figured would be his greatest fears about starting a relationship.
I started the letter by telling him that he didn’t have to read it, that it was just a way for me to get everything out of my head. I just figured it would be better in his hands than in someone else’s’, so I gave him the letter, knowing the information wouldn’t hurt him.
The first point was about the lack of time. WE knew we didn’t have even three months until he graduated. Most of the first page (all but the first short paragraph telling him he didn’t have to read it) and about a third of the back side was talking about a short amount of time. I told him the story of my friend’s parents, who met and two and a half months later were engaged, now happily married seventeen years later with four kids. Time isn’t what matters, it’s how you spend it.
The second point was if he would say no. Things would go back to the way they were. We’d see each other in Stats and choir and at lunch and bells. We’d still hang out. We’d still be friends. That’s the silver lining. This section was also about pain. I compared waiting to slicing your wrist with a plastic knife. It hurts, only slightly at first, then as you keep slicing it hurts worse and worse as time goes on. Waiting is just a nuisance for a while, but eventually they start to hurt, and the longer you wait, the more it hurts. Then I compared a flat out no to taking a razor across your wrist. It hurts a lot immediately, then slowly heals itself, each time it’s opened it hurts almost as bad as the original wound. I finally concluded that a direct no hurts less in the long run because it only lasts a short while where as waiting is a consistent pain that lasts without view of an end.
The third point was addressing the question of whether or not starting a relationship would be worth it. The basic thought behind this was that if he cared it would be worth it. And if we didn’t start something, he’d miss out on one of high school’s most basic experiences. I told him in this section that it was worth it as long as he thought it would be. As long as he took it seriously and gave it everything he had. As long as he put his whole heart into trying to make it work, he wouldn’t regret it.
The fourth part was explaining my views on long distance relationships. My beliefs on long distance relationships is that if you care, and can communicate, and can trust without a doubt, then they work. If you care to the point that the other person means something to you that you have never had and don’t know if you’ll be able to find ever again. If you can communicate, and any two sane people with phones can, then it works. Especially with the new technology of phones, e-mail, and internet. Communication is easier now than it has ever been before, so there is no reason two people can’t communicate. And in the failure of modern technology, there’s always the postal service. The only reason for lack of communication is sheer desire to not communicate. Trust is something that should be there without having to blink an eye, especially if we’ve been friends for a couple years. But you don’t start a relationship with someone you can’t trust or that doesn’t trust you. It’s the fastest way to make any relationship fail. I ended the letter with a short something about we’d talk after he got home from his grandparents’ house and we’d figure everything out then. I was leaving the decision up to him. He knew what I wanted to happen, and it was his choice if it would happen or not.
I ran across the street and headed into Annie’s room, knowing Aaron was still at work and I wouldn’t see him before they left.
“Hey, can you give this to Aaron?” I asked, knowing they were leaving in about ten minutes.
“Sure, but what is it and can I read it?” She asked, looking at my handwriting written across the top of the folded papers saying ‘A Little Piece of my Mind’.
“It’s something… It’s what it says it is. It’s a little piece of my mind. And no, you can’t read it.” She sighed and stuck the note in her pocket.
“Ok. I’ll give it to him sometime between here and grandma’s.
“Thanks. I gotta get going. Mrs. Miller is making us have a crazy rehearsal for those of us going to regional band fest.”
“Ok. Have fun.” She said sarcastically. I could tell the note was already burning a hole in her pocket, and burning a hole in her curiosity. But I trusted her, I knew she wouldn’t read it. I left the house and turned to go back to school for the last minute practice for the eight of us from our band that had been chosen for regional festival.
Sunday night ~about 7:30 pm
“Hey, Mrs. Vee,” I said as she opened the door. They’d been home for half an hour and I wanted to talk to Aaron before my parents made me go to study time.
“Annabeth’s upstairs.” She smiled as she ushered me in, closing the cold air back outside. I headed upstairs, but instead of going straight to Annie’s room, I stopped one door closer to the stairs and poked my head into Aaron’s room.
“Hey. Do you wanna talk now?” I asked, seeing him sitting in his desk chair, his head bent over his Trig homework. He looked up at me for a second before putting his pencil down.
“Can we wait til after you have study time? It may be a long talk.”
“Ok. I’ll wait til after stupid study time. Then we have until my even stupider 10:30 curfew. As much as my parents say they trust me, you may think otherwise.” I shook my head and left Aaron to do his homework, something I needed to get home to start. Instead I headed down the hall one more room and knocked on Annabeth’s door.
“Come in!” She called. I walked in and plopped down on her bed. “So how was rehearsal?”
“Kind of unnecessary, actually. We didn’t need to have it, she just thought we did. Because our school always is the most prepared for band fest, she’s trying to keep the tradition up.”
“Exciting.” She paused, looking at me with an obvious look of curiosity on her face.
“What’s your question?” I said, my face turning up funny, looking at her ceiling so she couldn’t see my reaction as well,
“What was in that note to Aaron? He read it and looked like he’d just been slapped across the face.”
“Oh really? That’s interesting. As to what was in it, I told you I wasn’t going to tell you. The information that was in it is his to do with what he wants to. So if he decides to tell you, he tells you, and if he doesn’t want to tell you, he won’t. It’s that simple.”
“But he looked like you had slapped him! There’s no way he’ll tell me.” She complained, throwing her little red beanie pillow at me. I chucked it back at her, trying to hide the smile on my face.
“Then he looked like he had been slapped. And if he won’t tell you, I won’t.” I got up and left, knowing it was almost time for me to be home.
Ready to talk? I sent to Aaron as my mom came into my room telling me study time was over. I looked out my window and grabbed the note out of my desk, holding it in my hand for a second, reading it again. I was reassuring myself of what he had said, making sure again that it wasn’t just a trick of the mind being too optimistic.
Yeah. Outside the library? I opened the text and smiled. I headed downstairs and out the front door, and down the street to the library. I sat on the front steps and waited as patiently as possible for Aaron to walk over. He showed up and motioned for me to follow him. I stood up and followed him in silence for a few steps.
“It’s your turn to talk. You know my side.” I said, inviting him to open up and tell me what he was thinking.
“Ok…”He paused and sighed before continuing. “How would you feel if I said yes?”
“Well, I’d be happy. Impressively, amazingly, all encompassing happy.” I looked at him, not sure how to judge his question, but answering truthfully anyway.
“And how would you feel if I said no?” His question shouldn’t have surprised me, but it did. I still answered truthfully, but slower than before.
“Um, I’d be hurt, but I guess I could understand. I would be hurt, majorly, but not surprised.” He stopped, just at the edge of a streetlight, and I stopped a couple steps in front of him standing in the darkness. I turned around to look at him, his face in the shadow, the light at his back. I took a step towards him to close the gap. “Aaron?” I asked after he stood unmoving with his eyes closed for a couple seconds.
“Yes. I’m going to answer yes.” He whispered, just barely loud enough for me to hear. “And sorry for taking so long. There’s no reason this should have taken two weeks and a very long letter.” I smiled at him.
“It’s ok. The letter needed to get out of my head. And time isn’t a big deal. Waiting is worth it if it makes you happy and in the end it feels right.”
“So what now?” He asked. I held my hand out quietly to him, surprised by the sudden charge I felt when he touched me. Surprised by how completely my breath caught and I choked on my own spit as his fingers intertwined with mine. “You okay?” He asked, looking at me carefully as we passed under the street light.
“Yeah, fine. Just a bit, surprised I guess.” I managed to get out as I coughed, trying to cover up what had just happened. It was February, albeit by only a couple hours still, but February in Wisconsin, everyone has a cough.
“So what next?” Aaron asked.
“Tell people?” I replied, it sounding more like a question than a statement.
“I guess that is the next step isn’t it?” He looked at me. I nodded, smiling at him. “Do we have to tell people?”
“I have to tell my sister and Molly if no one else. Neither of them are around here, and Kat doesn’t really have connections here anymore.” I shrugged. I wasn’t surprised he would want to keep it quiet. I wasn’t about to tell my parents.
“As long as you don’t tell Annabeth we should be okay.” He sighed, knowing his sister too well to let her know.
“Fair enough.” I felt kind of bad about not telling my best friend that I was dating her brother, but it was by his request that she didn’t get to find out. My inner conscience told me that I had to tell Annie and all my friends, but if Aaron asked, I wouldn’t tell them. I knew that gaining Aaron’s complete trust was the first step to getting him to open up to me. And if I wanted him to trust me enough to let himself fall, I had to start keeping promises, even the ones that didn’t seem that important. My friends were smart people, they’d see me walking on cloud nine the next few days with nothing able to get me down, and they’d figure Aaron had said yes, but they just couldn’t be told. Aaron and I talked for the next half hour or so, before my five minute to curfew alarm went off on my phone, making it vibrate in my pocket.
“Time to go home isn’t it?” He asked, looking at his watch.
“Yep. Stupid curfew.