Steiner
Third
After school today, I was sittingin my carpool's car and watching you, antonia, and Katja all talking and laughing, and wishing I could be there too...but I couldn't. I felt like I didn't exist. It was weird.
You know how I said laughing is the only way to stop yourself from crying, which is why I smile so much? Well, I'm not smiling or laughing right now... if I did, I'd probably get yelled at and hurt even more. The truth is...my family hates me. i'm the bad kid, the one that's always looked down on. My mom calls me a fucking idiot everyday, my "dad" looks and talks to me with disgust when he's not screaming at me, or throwing something at me, or ripping something up. I never get to talk to my older sister anymore, my little sister laughs at me when I get hurt or in trouble, and my little brother...well, I don't know he just whines all day and copies my little sister. I hate it at home. I don't even eat dinner with my family anymore...My parents are dying to kick me out of the house. Yeah, you have to see your dad for 2 hours once in a while, but I have to see my "dad" every fucking day! And not just for 2 hours either. I swear to god, I would switch places with you any day.
I'm sorry I'm telling you this...you don't have to read on but if you do, brace yourself...Before I knew you in 8th or 7th grade, I tried to...well...(don't hate me)...I tried to kill myself. Yeah, once when my parents weren't home I took a whole bunch of pills...I passed out for a little bit, but luckily recovered before my parents came home. It wasn't the result I was hoping for, I guess I took the wrong ones...I really don't know if that's good or bad...before that I had tried other things, but they were slow and impossible, at least they seemed it.
Steiner, you're lucky to have people that care about you and love you. I don't have that...It just seems to me sometimes that I don't bring any good into the world, so why am I even here? Don't worry, I'm not like that anymore. I hope you don't hate me for all of this. Really...
You know why I like going to school? Well, other than getting away from home...I like going to school because of...well, you. You're the first person I've ever met that makes me forget about my life at home and laugh at problems. And not because you have problems either. I don't know...You're like my escape sort of. I know that sounds creepy, but thats not how I mean it. Its just, I feel like I could talk to you about almost anything... which is sorta why I'm telling you this. I've never, and never will, tell anybody about this, so really...I don't know why I'm telling you.
Well, I hope to god that you don't hate me after this, or act like you don't but think of me bad or different than you did before (however bad that was). Like I said, I would switch lives with you any day... there's still a lot I haven't told you, but don't really plan to...I understand if you feel the same way.
Your depressed friend,
L
You know how I said laughing is the only way to stop yourself from crying, which is why I smile so much? Well, I'm not smiling or laughing right now... if I did, I'd probably get yelled at and hurt even more. The truth is...my family hates me. i'm the bad kid, the one that's always looked down on. My mom calls me a fucking idiot everyday, my "dad" looks and talks to me with disgust when he's not screaming at me, or throwing something at me, or ripping something up. I never get to talk to my older sister anymore, my little sister laughs at me when I get hurt or in trouble, and my little brother...well, I don't know he just whines all day and copies my little sister. I hate it at home. I don't even eat dinner with my family anymore...My parents are dying to kick me out of the house. Yeah, you have to see your dad for 2 hours once in a while, but I have to see my "dad" every fucking day! And not just for 2 hours either. I swear to god, I would switch places with you any day.
I'm sorry I'm telling you this...you don't have to read on but if you do, brace yourself...Before I knew you in 8th or 7th grade, I tried to...well...(don't hate me)...I tried to kill myself. Yeah, once when my parents weren't home I took a whole bunch of pills...I passed out for a little bit, but luckily recovered before my parents came home. It wasn't the result I was hoping for, I guess I took the wrong ones...I really don't know if that's good or bad...before that I had tried other things, but they were slow and impossible, at least they seemed it.
Steiner, you're lucky to have people that care about you and love you. I don't have that...It just seems to me sometimes that I don't bring any good into the world, so why am I even here? Don't worry, I'm not like that anymore. I hope you don't hate me for all of this. Really...
You know why I like going to school? Well, other than getting away from home...I like going to school because of...well, you. You're the first person I've ever met that makes me forget about my life at home and laugh at problems. And not because you have problems either. I don't know...You're like my escape sort of. I know that sounds creepy, but thats not how I mean it. Its just, I feel like I could talk to you about almost anything... which is sorta why I'm telling you this. I've never, and never will, tell anybody about this, so really...I don't know why I'm telling you.
Well, I hope to god that you don't hate me after this, or act like you don't but think of me bad or different than you did before (however bad that was). Like I said, I would switch lives with you any day... there's still a lot I haven't told you, but don't really plan to...I understand if you feel the same way.
Your depressed friend,
L