Scorched Earth

Garrett felt the nail dig into his hand, but he ignored it as he lifted up the beam. Both he and Michael had been assigned to helping clean up the remnants of the East Wing of the Hospital tent.

“Over there.” Michael grunted as they heaved the beam over to the corner at the edge of the tent. Garrett just nodded as they moved slowly across the floor, their arms straining against the weight.

It hit the ground with a loud thud and Garrett felt his cheeks heat up as half the people in the tent turned to look at them. He hated how he couldn’t be like Michael, impassive and oblivious to the people around him. Garrett noticed every little detail, how the children would tug on their mother’s skirts or how they stared at him critically when he refused to stop, intent on working until it was normal again.

“C’mon man, we gotta job to do.”

Michael punched Garrett in the shoulder, motioning towards wreckage that still lay in the corner of the room. He begrudgingly walked over, dragging his feet behind him.

Splintered wood sprayed the floor, and Garrett was positive he’d have at least a handful of splinters by the end of the day. They leaned down, picking up the next beam. Garrett gripped the edge tightly, and he felt the corner dig into his hand, pressing against his already tender palm. He let out a small yelp, dropping the beam onto the ground. It landed with a cloud of dust.

“Fuck, man. You gotta tell a brother when you’re gonna be droppin’ shit like that. What happened Gar?”

Garrett wasn’t listening to him, instead holding his now bleeding hand with the other, blood dripping through the cracks in his fingers.

“Shit. I’ve got this, Gary. Go to Miss Lucy and she’ll fix you right up.”

Light-headed, Garrett wobbled over to the other side of the tent. His head spun as he stared at the blood dripping down his hand. Normally, the sight of blood didn’t have any effect on him, but his steps were staggered as he wandered around the tent. A gentle hand found his shoulder, and Garrett turned.

One of the nurses was reaching for his hand, worry knotted between her eyes. But he pulled away, muttering under his breath about finding Lucy. The room began to spin, and Garrett found himself looking at the same table multiplied by four. He wasn’t coherent, except for the overwhelming urge to find Lucy. She’d fix him. She always did.

She found him first. Garrett was leaning up against an upturned gurney, his shirt pressed to stop the bleeding in his hand. The pressure had helped stop most of the bleeding, but Garrett knew it would take more than that. Sitting helped the spinning, and Garrett could clearly see the room around him. His eyes were shut when Lucy found him, but he recognized the usual tutting as she pulled him to his feet, chastising him for being careless.

It was almost normal, her tending his wounds. Almost.

There weren’t any jokes or flirty comments between them. Lucy moved slowly as she gathered a bandage and wrapped Garrett’s hand. He watched with quiet eyes as she handed him a safety pin, telling him to “close it himself.” With shaking hands, he undid the loose wrapping and with as much precision as he could manage left-handed, wrapped his right hand again. It was unusual for Lucy to be so out of it. Garrett knew the attack had scared everyone, but Garrett didn’t see fear on her face. He recognized in her the same thing he saw in so many people lately. Loss.

He called out her name, but she didn’t turn around. He sat silently as she lowered herself in a chair, allowing him to get a good look at her.

She looked older than Garrett knew she was. It was almost as if the last thirty years of being a nurse had finally caught up with her. It showed on her far, and the way she sunk her head into her hands. A giant weight hung on her shoulders as she slouched over herself.

“Lucy?”

But she was already crying, tears flooding her eyes and overflowing. She didn’t bother holding them in. She was whispering something but Garrett couldn’t hear her from where he stood. He debated leaning in to hear what she was saying, but instinct held him back. It wasn’t until she looked up at him, red rimming her eyes and tears covering her face did he step closer, dragging a second chair beside her.

“Wha-I mean, who-”

“You know those people who light up a room with just a smile? The ones that know how to cheer you up without really saying anything? You know the people who you’d do anything for, no matter what they asked? The ones you’d protect from the world if you had to?”

Garrett only nodded. Without realizing it, he’d turned to find Kennedy and Emily in the crowd. They were still huddled together, their heads pressing against each other and their lips moving softly.

“That was my sister Mattie. My Matilda. My baby sister. She was the golden child in my family, you know? She was the princess, the baby. I was supposed to protect her. I promised my parents when they died that I’d take care of her.”

She was whispering, and Garrett found himself leaning in, trying to catch every word that dropped from her lips.

“I brought her here ‘cause I thought it’d help. I thought she’d be safe here. But she wasn’t. I killed her.”

Garrett couldn’t do anything but let a sick feeling settle in his stomach as she let out a tortured sob.

“You didn’t kill her, Lucy. They did. The monsters did.”

She glanced over at him, shaking her head. “I may not have been the one to take her life, but I didn’t protect her well enough, did I? It’s my fault she’s dead. By not protecting her, I killed my sister.”

He didn’t have anything to say to that, because he knew she was right. It was Garrett’s fault the person who’d taken his spot on the patrol had died. It was his fault the zombies had gotten through the barriers. By not killing them, he’d murdered everyone.

With a steeled resolve and a clenched jaw, Garrett stood. He had to find Mitch. He had to change something for the future. He knew it was too late to save anyone that day. He knew nothing he did now would bring back the children who’d been slaughtered. He knew nothing would cure the broken hearts of the parents, the children, and the families who had lost so much. Nothing could change the past, but he was damned if he wasn’t going to change the future.

He found Mitch in the Armory, arguing with one of the other officers. He didn’t notice Garrett at first.

“This is your fault, Commander. Had your soldiers been focused at the front gate, this never would have happened.”

Garrett moved before he thought, shoving Mitch backwards. “How can you say this is anyone’s but your fault?”

He was seething, and the only things he could feel was his hand pulsing from where he’d pushed Mitch. Once look down at his hand confirmed the pain, and he clenched his fist over the reopened wound.

“You are out of line, Nickelsen. One more word from you and I’ll have you taking first watch for a month.”

Garrett had always been taught to hold his tongue around his superiors. It was one of the basic rules taught to all first-time recruits. But then again, he was never very good at following rules.

“So you’re really going to just ignore everything like it didn’t happen? People died out there today,” Garrett’s voice rose as he stepped towards Mitch. “All because their leader couldn’t protect them.”

Simon shot him a warning look over Mitch’s shoulder, but he didn’t care. The only thing he could see was Mitch’s face: burning red with anger.

“You don’t deserve-”

Garrett felt himself being rudely grabbed around the waist by a familiar set of arms and hauled away from Mitch. Kennedy wasn’t letting go of him, no matter how much he fought against his grip.

“C’mon man, he isn’t worth it.”

Garrett pulled against Kennedy’s arms, but the other man refused to let go until they were outside. Mitch’s smug face was the only thing Garrett could see, imprinted on the back of his mind.

“It’s his fucking fault, Ken.” He paced the ground outside of the Armory, running his fingers through his hair. He spit on the ground, the dust from his boots quickly covering it up. “People died because of him.”

“I’m just as pissed as you, Gar. Doesn’t mean you can just shove your commanding officer.”

Kennedy was always the voice of reason, and normally Garrett listened. But not after everything that had happened. “I’m tired of this. Let’s get out of here. Go find those camps.”

He watched as Kennedy processed his words, his friend’s eyes widening. “You don’t mean actually leave, do you?” The color had drained from his face, his disbelief obvious.

Garrett just nodded grimly. “What else can we do, Kennedy? It’s not safe here anymore. Look around. Mitch isn’t in control, and everything is falling apart. We were attacked, people were killed. Can’t you see it?”

“Yeah, but you’re talking about going out there. If the zombies could get into a protected shelter like this, they’d tear us apart out there.”

“We did it once, you know.

Kennedy sat down, the dust clouding around where his palms hit the dirt. He just stared up at Garrett, uncertainty clear in his eyes.

“But that was different. We had someplace to go. And we just barely made it. Look in the mirror if you don’t remember.”

Garrett continued pacing, his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. “We can’t stay here.”

The other man was silent, weighing the options. “Think someplace like that actually exists? A place that’s free of zombies?”

His hands found his hair as Garrett shrugged. “It almost seems impossible some days. But isn’t looking for a maybe better than a definite death here? We’re just sitting ducks.”

“Well maybe you are.” Kennedy muttered, “I’m not a fucking duck. A falcon maybe. But not a duck.”

Garrett rolled his eyes. “So what do you say, Ken?”

“I don’t—I’m not sure,” he faltered, “This is my home now. Em is here, and we have a life here. I can’t just give that up.”

“This life is falling apart. It won’t be here much longer.”

Kennedy sighed, rubbing his face in his hands. The prickles from day-old stubble caught on his palm, a scratchy reminder that things weren’t as they usually were.

“Just us, like old times? Would we go with anyone else? Michael?”

“I only trust you.” It was cold, but true. Garrett knew that any of the other men would sacrifice him to save their own skins in a heartbeat. It was cruel and horrible, but it was the truth and there was no hiding from it.

“We’d need a lot of shit. Weapons and food. Who knows what we’ll find, we’ll have to be prepared.” Kennedy’s tone was neutral and Garrett couldn’t figure out what he was thinking.

“We’ll figure it out.”

--

“Garrett.”

His hand was re-wrapped, and he was back on cleaning duty. Michael had abandoned him in the East Wing to go help clean up the kitchens. He’d cleared out most of the far end, and all that was left of his section was to remove the remaining cots and upturned gurneys to their normal spots. Sweat poured down his back, staining the white t-shirt he’d stolen from Kennedy’s bunker when they’d first arrived at camp. Garrett raised a hand to wipe the sweat that had gathered on his brow, and turned to find Melanie standing behind him, her arms crossed.

His pulse quickened and he dropped the stack of wood he was holding, sending it crashing down onto his foot. A curse left his lips as Melanie winced.

“I called your name a couple of times first. I’ve been standing here for a few minutes.”

Garrett just looked up at her, the wood forgotten by his feet. She had a large gash across her forehead that had been haphazardly closed, and dirt and grime covered her arms. With a flash of memory, he recalled that she’d been put on garden duty, trying to coax life out of the beaten and destroyed plants.

“What’s up? Why were you looking for me?”

She was hesitant, and he just raised his eyebrows. He wasn’t used to her being so shy, especially when she wanted something; it wasn’t part of her nature.

“I overheard you talking with Kennedy earlier. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. I was just bringing the gardening tools back to the Armory.”

Garrett flushed. He hadn’t realized anyone else was listening. “That was nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

He turned from her, but Melanie was persistent. She pulled on his arm, her hand following the length of his arm to grab his hand. He stilled. She had his attention, and Garrett truly looked at her.

She was tired, above everything else. Tired and desperate. But there was something in her eyes and in the way she was pleading with him to listen that he recognized. It was the same way he’d begged Kennedy that morning.

“I can’t watch anymore die.”

Garrett nodded. That he understood more than anyone. It was more than just losing people he cared about. It had become painful watching other people’s worlds fall apart. He couldn’t stand by and do nothing.

Melanie took a deep breath, clutching at Garrett’s hand with both of her own. “I want to come with you.”

There was renewed urgency in her voice, almost to the point of begging. Garrett knew he couldn’t turn her down. He didn’t want to leave her behind any more than she wanted to stay.

“It’s too dangerous, Mel.” He said evenly, a tone of finality in his voice. He knew that once he said it, he couldn’t change his mind. Garrett clenched his teeth, trying to convince himself it was safer for her at the camp, even when everything he believed said it wasn’t anymore.

“What have I got to lose? Everyone I know or care about is dead or turned.”

He watched her, his trained eyes studying the stubborn girl in front of him. She was lithe and she stood at the ready, even when the threat had passed. He could see the war against the infected had taken its toll on her. “What about Will?”

He saw her inhale slowly, her strong gaze suddenly wavering, but it never broke. Her voice was quiet, but firm. “He’ll never be safe unless things change.”

Garrett didn’t acknowledge her comment, only to respond with a quiet resolve. “You’ll need more training before we leave. I...can train you in the mornings before my shift if you want. We wouldn’t have much time.”

He looked down to his hands, his fingers still captured in between her sweating palms. He stilled as a hand pulled his fingers apart and she laced her hands in his. Her gaze was steady, and it locked with his as he glanced up. “Thank you.”

Garrett nodded firmly, shaking her off before he could change his mind.

Switching directions mid-step, Garrett headed off towards Kennedy’s cabin. It was risky, bringing Melanie. He knew that. But he was grateful for the extra body in case of an attack. The idea of leaving camp had been in his head for weeks, but he’d never actually thought about what it was going to take. Kennedy was right, they’d need food and water and weapons to last them weeks.

The green door of their cabin was still intact, and there were only a few long scratches along the side of the main building from where the zombies had tried to force their way in. Garrett was relieved to see no more damage had been inflicted to the cabin than when he’d found Emily. He quickly jumped the stairs, pushing his way into the home.

“Kennedy?”

He shouted his friend’s name, sure that’s who he’d run into first, but he was surprised when he saw Emily walk through the door of the bedroom.

“Hey Em. I’m looking for Ken.”

She nodded. “I got that from the whole shouting thing. Really unnecessary, by the way. I’m pretty sure they could hear you all the way at Lissa and Mark’s cabin.”

Garrett laughed sheepishly, running his hands against the back of his neck. “So is he here?”

“He’s in the shower. It kicked off a second ago, so I’m sure he’ll be right out.” She motioned down the hallway to the bathroom, where the light seeped out from under the door.

They listened as the faucet turned on and off, coupled with the sounds of Kennedy’s electric razor. A bang sounded, followed immediately by a string of curses. Garrett laughed. Kennedy always found some way to hurt himself.

“So why are you here?”

Garrett hesitated. He wasn’t sure how much Kennedy had told her from their conversation earlier that day. He was saved from answering when the bathroom door opened. Kennedy had a towel wrapped around his waist, and his hair stuck up. Water beads clung to his chest, and Garrett rolled his eyes when he saw Emily checking Kennedy out.

“You couldn’t have put on a shirt first?”

Looking up at the voice, Kennedy looked surprised to see him, but he responded without a second beat. “Hey Gar. And no. In my own house, I think I’m allowed to not wear a shirt.”

“I, uh, wanted to talk to you about that thing from this morning.” He slid a sideways glance at Emily. She raised her eyebrows at his attempt at subtlety.

“It’s okay. I told her about this thing.”

Garrett gave a shaky smile. “So, I uh-might’ve, maybe-possibly…”

“Spit it out, boy. I don’t know about you, but we haven’t got all day.”

He glared at Emily, who in turn nestled up against Kennedy. Garrett tried not to gag as she started running her hands up his back.

Garrett shifted uneasily. “Er, right. Okay. So, after I talked to you this morning,” Garrett addressed Kennedy, purposefully ignoring Emily as much as possible. “I ran into Melanie. Actually, she kind of tracked me down.”

He paused, hoping Kennedy would put the rest together. When he didn’t, Garrett sighed. “She asked to come with us and fight. I couldn’t tell her no.”

Garrett wasn’t sure what he was expecting Kennedy’s reaction to be. Anger, mixed with exasperation and a well-placed “For the love of God.” But he got neither. Kennedy just leaned back against the counter, wrapping his left arm around Emily.

“Is she ready?” Garrett blinked. He had given her training a little bit of thought when she’d first asked him, promising to give up his mornings. She was armed with rudimentary fighting skills, obviously picked up for survival. She was fast and fit, as was obvious by her fighting in the recent attack. But beyond that, Garrett wasn’t sure. But he wasn’t letting that stop him.

“She will be.”

Nodding, Kennedy spared one look at the woman beside him before turning back to Garrett. “Okay, but Emily’s coming with us.”

The counter behind Emily suddenly became the only thing Garrett could focus on. It only made sense for her to come, but something was holding him back from agreeing. He wasn’t sure whether it was just an internal instinct to protect her, or whether he was afraid she’d slow them down. Another voice inside his head whispered that it was because he wasn’t sure they would find anything but their deaths.

“I can’t leave Emily behind, Garrett. Not after all this time, not after I found her again.”
Kennedy’s voice had taken on a dull tone, but Garrett could easily recognize the desperation in his friend’s eyes. Garrett saw Emily wince as Kennedy’s grip around her waist tightened.

But it wasn’t Garrett who spoke next, Emily’s soft voice interrupting him before he even got the chance to speak. “Kennedy. There’s something I need to tell you. I was waiting…but I don’t think it can wait.”

She shot a meaningful look towards Garrett, motioning for him to leave before turning back to Kennedy. Garrett nodded at her before heading towards the door. He paused, curious. Leaning up against the door frame, he had a perfect view of the kitchen. He watched as Emily took Kennedy’s hands in her own. He couldn’t see her face, but he knew she was crying by the way her shoulders shook.

“What’s wrong, Em? Why are you crying? What happened?” Garrett recognized Kennedy’s tone as the same one he gave him in the forest on their first trip to camp.

“I’m fine, Kennedy.”

“I’m not going to leave you here-I won’t.”

It was one of the rare moments when Garrett could see what Emily did to Kennedy. He was visibly upset and his normally strong voice wavered. The brave person Garrett had known all his life was brought to tears by one girl. I’ve gotta tell Pat. Garrett froze when he realized that he’d never be able to tell Pat, that he wouldn’t get to laugh with him. He felt his heart wrench and he closed his eyes, resting his head on the wood door frame. Voices made him open his eyes and focus on the scene in front of him.

Emily laughed, squeezing his hands harder, tears flowing seamlessly down her cheeks. “You are. You have to go, but I can’t.”

“What?” He froze, staring at her. Garrett could see the thoughts twisting in his head, but he couldn’t begin to imagine what they were.

“You’re going to leave me here, Kennedy. I can’t go with you.”

“Why? Did something happen?”

“You could say that,” she whispered, a smile spreading across her face. “I’m pregnant, Kennedy. You’re going to be a father.”

Garrett had the perfect view of Kennedy’s reaction, and he had never seen anyone more excited. He saw him whisper something, but he wasn’t close enough to know what it was. There was a second of dead silence and then Kennedy had swept Emily into his arms, holding her as tight as he could. They hugged for what seemed like ages until Kennedy released her enough for them to kiss.

It was something Garrett never would have guessed. Having children was the last of anyone’s priorities in the last two years, but if anyone would be doing something different it’d be Emily and Kennedy. With a smile towards the kissing couple, Garrett snuck out the front door, careful to shut the screen so it didn’t make any sound.