Bitter Sweet Symphony

No change, I can change, I can change, I can change

~~~~ 5 Days Later ~~~~

Well today was the day I was leaving Berlin. My year was up and I was heading home to New York City. I was both happy and sad. I was sad that I was leaving Berlin for I had so much here…well…except for a few weeks near the end. But anyway, that was a big part of why I was happy to be going home. I missed my bff, Julianna, and I missed everything about my home there. I was happy to get away from the one place that held such a bad memory.

I was happy to be going back home where no one knew exactly where I lived.

~~~~ One Long Ass Plane Ride Later ~~~~

God the one thing that sucks the most if having to take a long ass 15 hour plan ride from Berlin to New York City. It sucksssssss.

I was so glad when we landing.

I just about bolted out of my seat and was one of the first to get off the plane I was so excited to be back home. I knew that Juianna would be there waiting for me but I had to pee sooooo bad. I try not to use the airplane bathrooms, because well let’s face it…they’re nasty beyond belief.

I practically ran to the nearest ladies room and ran into a stall. When I came out sighing with relief I noticed the long line. Wow I had JUST beat it.

Nice.

I’m good.

I washed my hands and for the first time since I arrived at the airport back in Berlin I saw my face. My eyes still slightly puffy and red from crying and I just looked like a mess.

Once my hands were washed I placed my sunglasses down over my eyes to hide them from Julianna. I didn’t want to be badgered right away. I wanted to get home and sleep, because let’s face it. It’s hard to fall asleep on a plane. Well it is for me.

I followed the signs out of my terminal and to the baggage claim where my suitcases would be arriving.

Julianna was already there waiting for me. She was looking all around at everyone else who had come off my flight. I knew she was looking for me.

I started to make my way through the crowd and around behind her. I lunged at her and she shrieked so loud that everyone nearby covered their ears.

“JOHNNY CHRIST WOMAN!”

I couldn’t speak I was laughing too hard. I managed to calm down after a minute or two. At that point in time I was tackled to the ground by my short ass best friend, Julianna. She’s short and I swear 100 pounds sopping wet. And she managed to tackle me down…damn I was way off due to the flight and what had happened.

Damn.

Julianna squeezed me to death but I had to get my suitcases. I managed to pry her off of me and I pulled my suitcases off the belt and we each grabbed one and headed for her car. The whole time Julianna’s talking my ear off about all of these crazy bartending stories. I usually get annoyed but today I just didn’t care, because I was jet lagged and frankly thinking about Brian and wishing I hadn’t let that happened that night.

We reached Julianna’s medium blue 2010 Hyundai Elantra. We threw my suitcases into her trunk and I tossed my carry-on bags into the bag seat. Julianna slid into the driver’s seat and I slid into the passenger’s seat immediately playing with the radio stations. I didn’t find anything good so I started rifling through the cd’s she currently had in her car. I was still flipping through them has we headed out of the JFK airport parking lot when I noticed a certain cd.

“Avenged Sevenfold…”

Julianna looked at me and then back at the road quickly.

“Yeah…you like them right”

“Of course I do. I just wasn’t expecting you to have their new cd. You usually just download it all offline.”

“Well you kept talking about them so much and everything that I figured you’d want it for when you get your car so I went ahead and bought it and we can just share. Besides this new cd fucking rocks and FUCK YOU ASS HOLE!!!!”

I looked over at the guy who had just honked his horn and flipped Julianna off, because she wouldn’t let him in when he came flying up alongside her and tried to cut her off. Yeah made it scary to drive with her sometimes. But anyway. She may be small but she’s not afraid to cuss you out or yell at you when you’re in the wrong.

Which is why I was going to try to keep what happened between Brian and me a secret for as long as I could. Which knowing Julianna would be a day maybe two if I was lucky.

It wasn’t long before we reached our apartment in East Village. East Village is near the bottom of Manhattan. It’s were all of the artist and everything live. A lot of music and hippies came out of East Village. I really love it here. There’s so much music and art here. It was perfect for Julianna and me. Plus the rent wasn’t too expensive so that helped.

We made our way inside and to the elevator. We lived on the third floor. We exited the elevator and made our way down the hall to our apartment. We lucked out big time on this place. Where Julianna and I worked were both in Manhattan so it was just either a relatively short car or subway ride. It was a tad too far to walk but if I was in a bad mood I would just leave early and walk. It was refreshing…man I could us a walk right now but I need some sleep first. I won’t make it far with how tired I am.

I dragged my suitcases and bags through the small living room and into my room. Next to my room was the bathroom and on the other side was Julianna’s bedroom. Across from her room was the kitchen. We didn’t really have a dining room but that was okay because we would usually just eat on the couch or in our rooms. Or at the bar counter that separated the kitchen from the living room. With a bonus from Julianna’s job we bought a few stools for the bar so we can be semi decent when eating our meals. We rarely use them though. Well I haven’t really been here to use them but anyway.

I let my bags fall to my bedroom floor and I just plopped down on my bed, curled up into a ball under the covers, and passed out. I could hear Julianna put the suitcase she had rolled over in front of my closet and close the door behind her has she left.

I couldn’t help but smile. She was an awesome best friend. She instantly understood that I wanted to sleep for a while due to jet lag and something else. I knew that when I woke up I would be getting drilled but I didn’t really care.

I just wanted some sleep.

Only problem…he had a habit of coming into my dreams…

~~~~ Next Day ~~~~

I had finally woken up due to hours of restless ness from Brian being in my dreams and refusing to leave. I glanced over at my clock. It was two in the afternoon.

Crap

Well at least I didn’t have to go to work for a few days. I was given time off to recuperate from jet lag and everything. I wasn’t looking forward to all of that.

I rolled out of bed and rummaged through my bags until I found my pjs and then I walked out and into the bathroom. I didn’t feel like searching for my toiletries so I was just gonna borrow Juls. We used the same crap anyway so it didn’t really matter. I could hear her listening to music in her room and my heart fell out again.

Currently on was Dear God by Avenged Sevenfold. I could feel my heart about to burst and I almost wanted to scream at her to not listen to them but then I’d have to confront her all that much sooner so I just decided to cry it all out in the shower.

Which is exactly what I did. I stepped into the shower and just stood there under the hot water crying for what felt like forever before I was able to focus on taking an actual shower.

When I was done I put my pjs on and walked out of the bathroom to find Julianna standing in front of the refrigerator staring at the mounds of left over take-out food there. I tried to sneak into my room but Juls had like eyes in the back of her head because without even turning around she called out, “Not so fast there Alina”

I stopped dead in my tracks and turned around to see that she still had her head in the fridge.

“Damn woman how do you do that?”

She pulled out a pizza box…yeah I don’t know how she fit that in there and turned around placing it on the bar counter and kicking the door shut with her foot.

“Don’t change the subject. What’s up with you?”

“Je…”

“Don’t you DARE say jet lag. I know you Alina May Ives and I KNOW when somethings wrong. Something happened there and you were fine before that damn party and after you were distant on my calls to you. Plus Gena called me. She said that you were acting really weird and she said you were upset over something that happened between you and Brian but she didn’t know what just that it really screwed with you AND Brian. So dish babe. What the hell happened in Germany”

I silently cursed Gena and her caring so much about me. Julianna was just glaring at me, her eyes boring into me and I broke. I couldn’t hold it all in anymore. I had to tell someone.

“We slept together…and…we were drunk…and…”

I felt the tears welling up and spilling over and down my cheeks. Julianna was immediately by my side and steering me to the couch. Has soon has I was sitting I told her everything. About the arguing we were always doing. About the party and how he kissed me then ran off. How I drank more and Jimmy and Johnny walked me back but I needed answers so I went over to his room and he was there and I pushed into his room and started to yell at him and then he kissed me and we didn’t stop. I told her how we used protection but I gave him my virginity willingly because I’m in love with him but he called me a slut the next morning and blamed me even though he held me after and the entire night. I cried and cried and cried while Julianna became more and more pissed. When I was done and had cried all I could for the time being she stood up and stormed over to her phone.

“What are you doing?”

“Calling Johnny so I can get Syn’s number so I can bitch him out”

I was up as soon as she said Syn and was pulling the phone from her grasp and holding it over my head so she couldn’t reach it.

“No I don’t want to give him the satisfaction. I’m okay…”

Julianna just gave me a look.

“Okay so not right now but I will be. I just need some time. Time heals all wounds eventually. I’ll be okay I just need to keep busy and I don’t need all of them knowing what happened. It’ll just make things worse. Not to mention awkward when Zacky, Gena, and Johnny visit us eventually”

At the mention of Johnny Julianna’s eyes lit up. To this I just raised an eyebrow.

“What can’t a girl have a crush”

“Mhmm whatever.”

“Can I have my phone back?”

“If you promise that you won’t tell anyone what happened”

Julianna thought for a few minutes before sighing and shaking her head.

“Fine but if I see him I’m bitching him out”

“Deal”

I handed her back her phone and she just grabbed the pizza box and headed into her room.

“Woman get in here you need bff time”

I smiled and followed her into her room, shutting the door behind myself.

I loved that girl.